I'm Just A Little Less Blonde

While getting ready for school this morning, I discovered that I have 2 gray hairs!

Yes, I guess this is another post about hair.

My first thought was more of a mental gasp, but immediately on the heels of that thought was this one:

Cool!

I've named them "Work" and School."

I look at it this way... gray hair will lend me a distinguished air befitting my chosen profession.

Yeah, pretty cool

*G*

Blowin' in the Wind

I was walking out to my car and pulling hair out of my face when a great irony struck me:

Wind destroys the "wind-blown" look.

It does. It never fails to remove the volume and straighten out my carefully tousled look, a look which was meant to last 5 minutes, not just 2, before it flattened on me.

On the other hand, had I carefully swept my hair up and smoothed it a la Grace Kelly, the wind would have whipped it into a frenzy.

Something there is that doesn't love a 'do...

Improving

It seems like forever since I've been around.

Oh wait. It has been forever!

I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I got a 91 (out of 100) on my algebra test and an A on my paper for Human Services (the paper on adjudicating juveniles in adult court). Yesterday I turned in my paper on Madonna for my Psych of Adjustment class, and today I took an exam in the Human Services class. I'm confident enough about both of these. My software professor finally graded almost all of our assignments at long last, and I got an A or A- on all of them. She was generous enough to accept my late assignment after all once I explained the health issues I've been having; she treated it as though it had been handed in on time. So while I still have comments to make on the course evaluation, it will be a little more tempered than I had originally planned. As things stand right now, my straight-A average remains intact. It has come at a price, but I've managed it nonetheless. My partner and I still have to give our presentation on Madonna to the class on Monday, and final exams are in a couple of weeks as well. But really, the worst of it is over.

As for my heart trouble, I found out today that I was right: it's caused by my thyroid. For years, I've been hypothyroidal, but now I've gone hyperthyroidal. The doctor has called in a prescription for a lower dosage of the medication I was on for hypothyroidism, and I'm to alternate between the higher and the lower dosages in hopes that we bring my levels to normal. I've continued to have chest pains and shortness of breath, fatigue and dizziness, so I'm looking forward to finally being able to treat it! I'll let you know.

I should be around again now that I'm able to breathe, in more ways than one! I've felt as though a part of me was missing...

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, whether you celebrate the fact that God deposited us on this soil and allowed us to live (or so the pilgrims thought; the Natives probably have other ideas...) or just that you have a day off devoted to food and football.

It's football, right? There's always some ball game on Thanksgiving, isn't there?

I'm all about the food, and the thankfulness for what I've got, because I have quite a lot really, even when it doesn't always feel like it.

As I begin to go about my day today, I have gratitude in my heart because:

I only have to madly scramble to clean for in-laws once a year

and

because I have you to say "Happy Thanksgiving" to.

So there you are.

Have a great day!

Touching Base

I've gotten 4 hours of sleep out of the past 48, which I suspect isn't healthy. But I had a paper to complete and a test to study for. I have to say, I really don't feel confident about the algebra exam, and the paper I turned in wasn't one of my best. It wasn't my worst, either. My biggest snag was that I couldn't find a pivotal article which I wanted to use in my paper. I was sure I had emailed a copy of it from the library's electronic databases, but I went through the 18 articles I had set aside and I couldn't find it. I must have sorted through them 10 times! And because the library's databases are on the same system as my online computer class, I couldn't access the article again.

As a result, I couldn't include the information in my paper, weakening my overall discussion.

But there's nothing I can do about that now. Or about the algebra test. At least in that class, the lowest test grade is dropped. I've done very well in that class so far, so if I flubbed this one, it won't cost me really, except my pride.

I made time today to go to the doctor about my heart. My resting heart rate remains twice as high as it should be, and my chest often hurts, though not too badly. I've also been getting short of breath when I move around to much, and the chest pain grows sharper. So I had my first EKG this afternoon, and drew some blood. I suspect that it's my thyroid acting up, and he agrees that this is likely the problem. The test should let us know. In the meantime, I'm still not well, but I haven't had any more bouts with tachycardia.

This, I believe, is a good thing.

Another Paper

I'm currently researching and writing another paper for my Intro to Human Services class. The assignment was to choose a controversial issue, preferably not one from our textbook or class discussions, and research both sides of the issue, summing it up. In the conclusion, we're supposed to share our own opinion of the issue.

I've chosen the adjudication of adolescents as adults for my paper.

One thing which has struck me is that in developing criteria for deciding whether or not an adolescent should be transferred to adult court, the psychologists and judges fail to take into consideration the fact that the youth in question might just be innocent; the criteria are based on a guilty-until-proven-innocent basis. For example, one of the deciding factors is whether or not the defendant feels remorse for the crime. If not, they will probably be booted into adult court.

Why, though, should a defendant express remorse for committing a crime which he hasn't committed and for which he has not yet been convicted? They could express sympathy or empathy for the victims of the crime, just as you or I could, but would you act remorseful for a crime you had not committed, and for which you haven't yet stood trial?

But what if, by refusing to show remorse under these circumstances, you will be treated much more harshly by the courts, perhaps even facing life without parole or the death penalty? Would you express remorse to avoid that eventuality, despite your innocence, on the chance that you won't have to face a tougher judge? But then you've compromised yourself, no matter which courtroom you find yourself in.

Anyway, this is all slightly off-track, but I thought it was interesting to note the way the decision is made, and one possible flaw in the process.

Enough

I think I screwed up.

I've just spent hours working on a project for my computer class- again- only to have my work be incompatible with the older software versions. Again. Meanwhile, the school has chosen to switch networks for the online classes in the middle of the semester. Now, to be fair to the school, I knew this was about to take place. But they had a countdown on the website leading up to the change. The problem is, it turns out that the countdown was meant to indicate when the site would be available again, not for when it was going offline. So I thought I had more time than I actually did to finish this assignment. I thought I would be able to turn it in today.

I can't.

So not only did I go through all of the aggravation of working and re-working the assignment, but in the end, I can't even turn it in or get credit for it. She doesn't accept late work. Though she hasn't posted a grade or given any feedback whatsoever in a month. She went an entire unit (Excel) without ever once discussing any part of it with us. I would definitely have been better off teaching myself this software if all I wanted to do was to learn how to use it. Sadly, I need this class to satisfy requirements. It's a total waste of money, though.

I am resigning myself to a "B" in this class, though I know I deserve better for the work I've done. But as I don't have a clue where I stand before this latest issue of the late assignment, I have to prepare myself, grit my teeth and take another sip of decaf iced tea while imagining myself on a beach at sunset.

Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out...

... dream of the day when I fill out the course evaluation...

Hanging in There

Thanks for the well-wishes!

I'm trying to take care of myself. I only allowed myself one cup of coffee today; everything else was decaf. I have to have a little caffeine, or I'll get a migraine from the sudden cessation. I didn't have a repeat of the pressure, but I've been a little uncomfortable. Not in pain, just a little achey.

Don't tell my heart, my achey-breaky heart...

Sorry but yes, I did have to go there.

Broken Hearted?

A few days ago I mentioned the anxiety I've been feeling and how my heart has given some extra hard thumps, and my left arm has ached. The thumps are usually accompanied by some fluttering as well, none of which is normal for me.

Tonight, on the drive home, I had an odd episode. I wasn't feeling stressed at all, I was just cruising along. All of a sudden I felt the fluttering, but this time it was accompanied by tremendous pressure on my chest, curling me up and caving me in around my chest. It didn't hurt at all, it was just pressure and involuntary contraction. I couldn't breathe.

As suddenly as it began, it ended. I tried to take a breath and, after a harsh cough, was able to do so. It only lasted a moment or two, but it was scary. I felt almost as good after as I did before the episode, though mentally rattled and the slightest bit tender.

Needing to be reassured, I called my mother, the nurse, in the hopes that she would tell me that it was nothing but anxiety. Well, it is and it isn't.

She went through the same thing when she was going to nursing school full-time and working full-time. The combination of stress, caffeine and smoking (she was a smoker at the time, and I quit 8 years ago) caused either a premature atrial contraction or atrial fibrillation; the cough is the body's way of rebooting the heart's electrical system. It might also be superventricular tachycardia. Either way, I need to cut way back on my caffeine intake, and I need to practice some relaxation techniques to handle the stress. Hopefully this will clear it up without needing a doctor's visit. Otherwise, I'll need medical attention to fend off heart attacks and blood clots, or other nastiness.

Freaky, eh?

Untitled

Proof

Further evidence that I come from a medical family:

I was reading my psych textbook, and found myself wondering if I'm hungry and need something to eat? I turned the page, saw a photo of a human brain, and thought:

"Yeah, I think I'll have something to eat."

Set your mind at ease; I'm not a cannibal. I'm eating something equally disgusting: a hot dog.

Not Feeling Right

Every morning lately, I wake up feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I take a few deep breaths and calm myself; I know that everything will work out, and there's no point getting worked up about it. If something is out of my control, then it's out of my control. Period. Let it go.

Once I've done this, I feel better, though not 100%. There's an undercurrent in my brain at all times, humming along, trying to work out resolutions to my problems at an almost- but not quite- subconscious level. It isn't at the forefront of my thoughts, though, and I enjoy my day.

But for the past few nights, the anxiety creeps on again. I don't even notice the build-up; it's insidious. My blood pressure rises and my heart gives the occasional, extra-hard THUMP! that finally makes me aware of what's going on with me, and leaves me wondering "Do I have a heart condition? What's going on?" I don't really think I do. It's anxiety. I've checked my sodium intake, making sure that it has nothing to do with my current situation, but it isn't that. I think it's just that as I get tired, my defenses go down and the fears creep in. The thought "Everything will be okay" subsides, switches places with the anxiety, becoming the undercurrent in its turn. My left arm feels achey, my blood pressure rises and my heart thumps, and I have to make the effort to calm myself again.

I'm overwhelmed and feeling stressed. This too shall pass.

I just wish it would hurry up already.

Observing the Observer

I wish I had more time for this sort of thing.

Stealth Kitty

Breaking It In

My new furniture arrived safe and sound this morning, scaring the wits out of the cats. Cats don't particularly care for change, have you ever noticed? The cushions are firmer than the ones in the showroom; I imagine that's due to the fact that hundreds of people have probably sat on the one in the showroom. This gives me a legitimate excuse for jumping up and down on my couch, though, so I think it's a fair trade-off. The cushions will eventually soften up, but I've already gotten used to the harder surface in the meantime. It's odd how high off the ground I feel while sitting on it. We never put the legs on our old sofa; we liked the way we could just roll off of it. This sofa, though, has the legs attached in addition to the plump cushions. It's like climbing out of a compact car and up into a truck. My laptop used to be level with me when I sat it on the coffee table, but now, well, I suppose it's at a more normal height by most standards, but I have to lean over to reach it.

These little details will work themselves out, and I'm still happy with my purchases. The cats took a bit longer to come around, though. At first Wheezy wouldn't even touch the thing. She jumped up onto my lap, or would lie on the throw, but not directly on the surface of the sofa itself. Patches was nowhere to be seen until late afternoon. Eventually, however, they grew used to the New Things in their home, placed there without their permission, and now seem content. See for yourself... the queen has claimed her spot:

If I zoom out, you can see the new pieces. Now, too, I can paint the walls. I waited until I could see the shade of the fabric in better lighting; it's almost identical to the old sofa really. Well, I can paint the walls sometime over the course of the next year. Maybe I can find time during Thanksgiving break, in between writing a paper, studying for 2 tests and completing a computer project. Because this is college, and that's their idea of a break. Anyway, the furniture looks more massive than it is in this shot because of the angle I had to take it from:

Ah well, algebra waits for no woman, so I should get going. That's the other thing: the notetaker in my algebra class quit, and I've been asked to fill in. So I'm taking notes for that class also. At least in this case, I actually would be taking notes anyway, so it isn't interfering with my learning process, unlike my Human Services situation. Oh, and I also registered for my classes today for Spring semester. I was able to come up with most of the tuition, and I have until December 17 to cough up the rest. That should give me enough time to save up, and the extra money from the new notetaking assignment will help as well, providing spending money so that I can dedicate my regular paycheck to bills and tuition.

Polynomials are waiting impatiently to be factored, and I can't disappoint them any longer. 'Night!

It Should Be A Crime. Oh Wait, It Is

Despite the stress and distress, I got an A+ on my midterm. So that's that then.

My new furniture is being delivered tomorrow, so I have to finish cleaning the house. It hasn't received a thorough cleaning, other than things like the bathroom, since the beginning of the semester. When I blow dry my hair, I see a cobweb stirring in the breeze in its corner of the ceiling. So I guess the bathroom isn't spotless, either. But the important components of the bathroom are, so I give myself points for that.

In other news, after working at the gas station for a few months, I finally experienced not one but two drive-offs on Friday, and within an hour of each other! That's just over $120 worth of gas that was stolen. My boss gave me the surveillance video from that afternoon and we're hoping I can pinpoint the culprits, if they're local. Also on Friday night, a few hours after I closed the store, someone tried to break in. They tried to kick their way through the glass door; there was a huge shoe mark on it. The door was smashed up, but held together for the most part. The alarm went off and the would-be thief made his getaway. Dogs were brought in to sniff him out, but lost the trail at the church next door, where he had probably parked his car. Wouldn't you know it- the surveillance video ran out of tape before the attempted robbery. It was a bad day at the gas station, I guess.

So that's it. Not much going on, eh? *G*

Twilight

A Divine Calling

*not altered except for resizing and border

Question

Do you talk on your cell phone while going to the bathroom, or even just while in a public bathroom?

Every time I use the bathroom at school, someone's talking on the phone. It's insane. They'll be talking, give warning to the person that they're about to flush, then flush, then resume their conversation. I've caught myself warning them when I'm about to flush, and then I feel resentful that I feel guilty for using the toilet.

Is this a generational thing? Because I just don't get it.

And FYI, if you need to go to the bathroom, call me once you're done. I don't need to know you- or your bowel functions- quite that well.

I'm Ready for my Close-Up, Mr. DeMille

or... Her Majesty, the Queen