When Nature Calls

We haven't had much rain at all for a couple of months now. I haven't been able to get out and garden very often lately, which includes watering. My flowers are parched, and I can't help but have a guilty conscience every time I step out of the shower. It's as if I can hear the plants saying

"Oh suuure, you get watered every day. But us? We could shrivel up into dust for all you care."

I believe this is called transference.

Either that, or the flowers really are talking to me.

I wouldn't put it past them.

Computer Stuff

I kept trying to blog earlier, but my host had to do some work on the server; it's been having issues lately I guess. Anyway, they're done now and hopefully whatever the problem was is fixed.

In the meantime, I've bought a new laptop. I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now. I've put it off, unsure whether or not I could justify the expense. The thing is, my Microsoft Office suite is on my desktop computer so that it wouldn't slow down Randy's laptop, which is what I use 95% of the time. The problem is that my desktop is in the spare room at the back of the house. Between our schedules, Randy and I already don't get to spend a lot of time together. I don't want to spend the time we do have locked away in another room, but if I don't, that means waiting until after he goes to bed at midnight, and then staying up all night doing the homework for my computer class. If I get another laptop, I can put my Office on it, as well as my Paint Shop Pro (for my photography projects), and then I can do my homework out here in the living room, or take it with me to school while doing research. It would also free him up to take his laptop to work or to the ambulance barn with him when he's on call. That was the plan originally. But he never takes it because he knows I like his laptop better than my own desktop. With a laptop of my own, he gets this one back. Not that he cares- he's not into computers at all really- but I do.

All that being said, I'm still not entirely comfortable with having gone ahead and purchased it, and I'm not quite sure why. It's an excellent price, especially for the features. All of the reviewers recommend it. I didn't buy it on impulse. And I'll probably donate my desktop to charity. It's all good, right? Hm.

I guess I'll sleep on it, and see how I feel when it arrives.

T.V. Has a Hold on Me

I love Ugly Betty. Love. It.

I hate getting up at 6:30 a.m., but I'll have to so I can work 8-5 tomorrow. I'm tired thinking about it. But I've got lots of television premiers to look forward to at the end of it. I suppose that makes it my pot of gold?

Aging as a State of Mind

You know you're old when you're walking across campus on a warm, sunny day, watching people lounging on the lawn as they study, and all you can think is:

"Oh my God- there's probably ticks! They'll get Lyme!"

Yup.

On the plus side, one of my classmates was shocked to learn that I'm 36; he thought I was 25!

So it's my mind that's old, not my body. Or so it would seem.

Kicking Back for a Night

The store closes an hour earlier now due to winter hours. Bones and House are on tonight.

Life is good.

Test Your Stress

Our professor handed out some sheets relating to stress and coping skills tonight for us to fill out, allowing us to gauge where we are. Here's the questionnaire relating specifically to stress. Its source is the Headington Institute. What follows is what is on the sheet, verbatim. For your results, look in the extended entry. Don't feel like you have to share; it's up to you. I just thought it might interest you:

Please note that this scale is not a clinical diagnostic instrument and is provided for educational purposes. It merely identifies some of the more common symptoms of stress. If you have any concerns about your state of emotional health, you should consult with a mental health professional.

Instructions- In the last month, how often has the following been true for you? For each question, write the number that fits your reality on the line before the question.

__1. I feel tired
__2. I find it very hard to relax or "wind-down"
__3. I find it hard to make decisions
__4. My heart races and I find myself breathing rapidly
__5. I have trouble thinking clearly
__6. I eat too much or too little
__7. I get headaches
__8. I feel emotionally numb
__9. I think about my problems over and over again during the day
__10. I have sleeping problems (e.g., trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble waking up, nightmares, etc.)
__11. I have trouble feeling hopeful
__12. I find myself taking unnecessary risks or engaging in behavior hazardous to health and/or safety.
__13. I have back and neck pain, or other chronic tension-linked pain
__14. I use caffeine or nicotine more than usual
__15. I feel overwhelmed and helpless
__16. I have nervous habits (e.g., biting my nails, grinding my teeth, fidgeting, pacing, etc)
__17. I forget little things (e.g. where I put my keys, people's names, details discussed during the last work meeting)
__18. I have stomach upset (e.g., nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, gas)
__19. I am irritable and easily annoyed
__20. I have mood-swings and feel over-emotional
__21. I find it hard to concentrate
__22. I have trouble feeling that life is meaningful
__23. I am withdrawn and feel distant and cut off from other people
__24. I use alcohol and/or other drugs to try and help cope
__25. My work performance has declined and I have trouble completing things

Total Score:___

Interpretation Guidelines

0-25: A score in this range suggests that you're probably in great stress-shape!

26-50: A score in this range suggests that you may be experiencing a low to moderate degree of stress.

51-75: A score in this range suggests you may be experiencing a moderate to high degree of stress.

76-100: A score in this range suggests that you may be experiencing a very high degree of stress

The Breather Between Races

I pulled my first all-nighter of the semester last night, going to bed at 6 a.m. It wasn't that I couldn't do the work- I can, and enjoy it- it was simply that I was totally uninspired as to subject matter. Around 11 p.m. I settled on the idea of a flier for a farming family who's hosting a fall festival for the community. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out, though after I submitted it I noticed something that I would have changed. But isn't that always the way? I think I'll get a decent grade, and that has to be enough.

I now have to finish my math homework and read 2 chapters for Psych/Adjustment, then write up my question or comment pertaining to it.

I know that I'm not the only one who has been busy, though. What's new with you?

You Crazy Writing Fools

For all of you budding authors, the sign-up for this year's NaNoWriMo contest will be open on October 1.

I'm bowing out of it this year- I can't even think of a topic for a Word document due tomorrow!- but thought the rest of you might want to turn on the taps and get those creative juices flowing.

As for me, I'm off to continue feeling frustrated as I wrack my brain for something to write and format for class.

Are the Nielson's Listening?

As the new television season is about to start, what shows are you looking forward to, new and/or old?

I'm looking forward to Ugly Betty, Numbers, Bones, House, CSI/CSI New York, and Heroes. I'm also interested in Chuck (I think that's its name) and Journeyman, both new shows.

I don't know when I'll have time to watch them, but I'm looking forward to them anyway.

Progressing

I think I might live after all. I once went 4 years without catching a cold. I really miss those days. I don't know why I didn't, or why I started catching them again, but it was nice while it lasted.

Where was I?

The governor didn't show; she sent someone else in her place. So much for the importance of education.

The good news is that I was finally able to sit down with my advisor- who is also my Human Services professor- to discuss my goals. She told me that if I keep my grades up, there's a full scholarship to Trinity College up for grabs for Psych students at my school each year. It's another possibility to consider. I'll do my Career paper for her class, see how I feel after doing the research, and then we'll touch base again. I had to thank her for taking my goals seriously. Every other advisor I've had since returning to college (I tried to go back once before, but only took one class so I don't count it) has tried to shunt me off into a Bachelor of General Studies degree, rather than letting me go into Psych or Social Work. Dr. Heath never even suggested such a thing. She listened, and offered suggestions. That's what an advisor should do, if you ask me.

It was a good session.

I Don't Mean to Keep Bitching, But...

The governor of CT. is going to be speaking at my college tomorrow, probably to dedicate the new building that opened this Fall. The problem is, this means the main parking lot will be closed due to its proximity to the new building. For all intents and purposes, it's the only parking lot; all of the others are small and filled early.

There will be no place to park tomorrow.

But there will still be class.

At least I'm slowly beginning to feel better. Maybe my mood will improve with my health.

Short and Sweet

I have a cold, but school is going well.

Track Star

I actually missed a day of blogging!

I have been on what has felt like a combination of a sprint and a cross-country run. School and working are like running cross-country: it takes pacing and stamina, because it's going to continue for awhile. But the barrage of deadlines for course work while simultaneously meeting a challenging work schedule, leaves me feeling as though I'm constantly sprinting for a new finish line, only to discover that the next sprint is gearing up, and this time they've set up hurdles!

Does that make any sense?

Well, it does to me at any rate. I'm tired. My boss has been giving me extra hours and asking me to help cover some shifts. I need the money and it isn't bad, so I do it. But then I have to go to class, and when I'm not in class, I'm having to work on something for class. For example, I've just finished my software apps homework for the week, due by tomorrow at 5. I've just posted the last of it, so I can stop worrying about that class for a couple of days. Today- Sunday- I finally have a day off from both school and work for the first time since school started, and it feels like surfacing for air! The fact that I have to set aside time to do my math problems, finish reading a chapter in my Psych book and then compose a thoughtful question or comment based upon the reading, will not keep me from setting aside some time just for me!

I need it.

Manilow Strikes Again

"Oh Mandy, well you came and you gave without taking/but I sent you away/Oh Mandy, will you kiss me and stop me from shaking/Cuz I need you today/O-oh, Mandy!"

If I have to have this going through my head, then so do you.

Heel, Aravis, Heel. Good Girl

This is such a drag.

As previously mention, I have to be in V__'s group when the class splits up. Today we divided up according to our area of interest: mental health, addiction, children and families, and the elderly. There are other groups in need to choose from of course, but this is how it played out today.

I'm interested in Mental Health and people with disabilities. V___ joined the Elderly group. I had to be in the Elderly group, despite the fact that I have absolutely no interest in working in this field. Most of my family works/has worked with the elderly; I've done it too. It's not for me. But that's what I got stuck with, because of V___. I'm beginning to resent this job. She is interested in everything I'm not, and she never stops talking about the elderly woman she takes care of, or foster care, and then complains when anyone tries to talk about something else. But I'm paid to take her notes, so I have to be with her. *sigh*

This is a bigger problem than it might seem on the surface. You see, we're supposed to write a "Career" paper. We are to decide which field interests us the most, research it thoroughly, write up our findings and at the end, state whether or not we're still interested in working in that field. So when we split into groups today, it was also supposed to be about discussing the field we ultimately want to work in. I couldn't do that. I can only listen from across the room, wishing that I was taking part in that discussion instead of the one I'm in.

I took this commitment, and I will follow through.

But I will never, ever agree to takes notes for someone else again.

Lessons Learned

Should I be worried that the honest-to-God, very first thought I had upon waking this morning was "But why is '0' a multiple of '4' ?" Or that I spent perhaps 45 minutes trying to figure it out? The good news is, I think I did: because 4 can be multiplied by 0 to equal 0. 4 cannot be multiplied by 1, 2, or 3 to equal those numbers, but it can be multiplied by 0 to equal zero. Got that? I hope I do!

In case you're wondering, I was working on my math homework before going to bed last night. I don't usually come up with things this random, especially if it involves numbers.

Also school related, but interesting nonetheless-

In my Human Services class yesterday, we divided up into two groups- Conservative and Liberal- to debate their philosophies regarding Human Services. As most of you have probably figured out, I tend strongly towards Liberal, though there are times when I'm a little more moderate. Anyway, because I'm taking notes for V__, and because she's Conservative, I had to sit in with that group. There's a lot to be learned when you're sitting on the "wrong" side, I discovered. Yes, I disagreed with most of the things said by my group, but it was good to listen to their perspective.

After we had a chance to discuss our position amongst ourselves, the professor moderated the debate between the two philosophies. She brought up Sen. Craig, a Conservative, who is in the news for having been arrested for soliciting an undercover officer in a men's restroom. The prof noted that while his wife was still standing by his side, she is never seen in public without sunglasses on; we never see her eyes. A classmate on the Liberal side said in a nasty tone of voice, "She's only by his side because he's rich and she wants the money! There's no way a woman would stay with a man like him otherwise!" I shared that I thought that perhaps she was still standing by his side publicly because they have children together, and she's doing it for them. "I don't need to be chastised by you for stating my opinion!" she snapped. "I wasn't chastising you, only stating my own." I responded. We made up after class (she apologized, realizing how judgmental she had sounded), but I was left with this idea-

She assumed that because I was sitting on the Conservative side of the room, that I believed a woman should stand by her man no matter what he had done. She made an erroneous assumption of my belief system based upon the label. Conservatives, of course, do the same to Liberals.

It was a good learning experience.

The Silver is Already Tarnished

My credit card company recently merged with another, and as a result I received a bright, shiny new card. It's all silver and blue and pretty! I had to call to activate it, and that's when the bloom went off the rose, so to speak.

First I got a representative who- big surprise- didn't have a firm grasp of the English language and who couldn't say anything that wasn't on the card in front of him. He asked me to provide my telephone number to verify my account. When I supplied it, he informed me that it didn't match the number on the application, and was there another? Now, I've had the same card for almost 10 years, and the same phone number for even longer; there's been no change. Nor did I "apply" for the card. But he wouldn't listen as I tried to explain. He just kept asking for my number, and then insisting it wasn't the right one and is there another? I said good-bye and hung up.

And fumed!

After some time went by, I called again. This time I got a Southern gal, so her English was only slightly better (just kidding! I've got that awful Yankee accent myself), and she said the same thing: my phone number didn't match my application! However when I explained to her that I hadn't applied, that I was part of the merger, she asked for my name. Once she had that, she asked for my billing address. I informed her that it had recently changed and that though I had updated the info online, I wasn't sure which one she was looking at. So I told her I would give her my old billing address first, to see if that's what she had; otherwise she could confirm my new address. I think she entered my old address as a new address, though. The way she asked me to repeat info, and the pauses which followed, lead me to believe that she was changing my new address back to the old one, as though the old one was the new one. Then she chastised me for not keeping my account updated!

Let me get this straight: they don't know that I'm not a new applicant, they don't recognize my phone number of 12 years, they enter my old address as my new address... and I'm the one who screwed up? I know my info has been updated because I keep tabs online, and it's all there as it should be. They are the ones who need to get their act together. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and blame it on confusion during the merger, but I still found that last remark of hers annoying.

This experience has no doubt given new business to my dentist. He'll have to work to replace that which was ground away.

Also upsetting- today was of course 9/11, but it was also my late (maternal) grandfather's birthday. He's the one who passed away in February. I'm just off-kilter today, and not handling things as well as I normally might.

Tomorrow is another day, and it's almost here.

I've Got to Adjust Myself

Psychology of Adjustment is going to be interesting, and perhaps even fun. It's a small class, made up primarily of Human Services majors. The professor is roughly my age, and more interested in discussions than lectures. Each week we're supposed to bring in a well thought-out question or comment having to do with the readings for that week, and how we see these things in ourselves or the world around us. This week the focus will be on pop psychology/self-help books/gurus.

The basic premise of this class is, I think, an examination of how people adjust to life situations. We'll be looking at everything, really. How we adjust to maturation, career choices and changes, relationships with families, relationships with significant other, coping with stress, illness, sexuality, mental health issues, etc. How do we adjust- or fail to adjust- to the constant changes which occur in a lifetime?

I have to take a break from all of this pondering now, though, and switch focus to my Human Services class, which meets tomorrow. We were to choose between the Liberal and the Conservative viewpoints regarding human services as outlined in our text, and then be prepared to defend our position tomorrow.

Honestly, though, I wonder how much of our class time will be spent on these perspectives, and how much will be spent on the fact that it will be 9/11? Because it seems to me that it is a subject which lends itself well to psychology and human services classes. It's certain to be on the mind of at least one classmate, and likely several.

Either way, I'd better go study...

Evolution of Neuroses

Social anxiety set in this past week, so when I wrote to some people in my computer class and didn't receive a response, this is how my thinking progressed:

"What's wrong with me that they don't like me?"

then, resentfully-

"What the hell is wrong with them that they don't like me?"

until I finally reached a more sane-

"Really, who cares whether or not they like me?"

After all, there are plenty of others who do.

Of course, those classmates are probably just very busy with their own lives, and it has nothing to do with me. But now you know just how crazy my thinking gets sometimes. It isn't always pretty, but it is human.

I think.

Nature's Perfection

Seven At A Blow

Where is the little tailor from that fairy tale now?

I came home from work and found that my previously fly-free home has been invaded by the little buggers! There were about 8 originally. However Aravis the Great White House Fly Hunter (AGWHFH) stalked them patiently with the sort of focus only found in someone with a touch of OCD. After about an hour, AGWHFH has reduced the numbers to about 4 using the Catch and Release method. However, AGWHFH believes that they may be sneaking back in when she opens the door to throw another one out.

The battle still wages...

Childhood Revisited

When you were little, did you think that your stuffed animals magically came to life when you weren't around? Did you try to catch them? Or did you think that if you just knew how to do it, you could teach your pet how to speak?

I'm tired; humor me. *G*

Adding Math to the Equation

Algebra, sweet algebra.

Actually, tonight went really well. My brother made the mistake of sitting in front of me, so I was able to poke at him with my pencil. This class could be fun! *G*

The professor, who told us to call him "Greg," is living up to his reputation as a good teacher. He put us all at ease and has a sense of humor. This is not to say that he doesn't expect us to meet his standards and accept the responsibility which comes with taking a college-level course; he does. I like him.

Seen on a bumper sticker in the student parking lot: Ah, I see the Screw-up fairy has visited again.

Introductions in Introduction

First impressions? I'm really going to like the Intro to Human Services class, and Dr. Heath is very accessible and likable. I've recently discovered that she is my primary adviser, and I think that's great.

Today was mostly about introductions: to the class, the field, the professor and to each other. At the end of the class we broke into groups, read an article on the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings and the government panel's recommendations. Then we went through them one by one and shared our thoughts. It was pretty interesting.

Tomorrow: math.

Hurray.

Summer Vacation Comes to a Close

School starts tomorrow, and I have the usual mix of anticipation/anxiety I always get before starting something new. It'll be fine, I'm sure.

The class will be Intro to Human Services, the one in which I'm supposed to take notes for another student. I have to go in early to introduce myself to the professor as the note taker. After class I have to go across campus to reach the copy machine, make copies of my notes, leave them in the appropriate mailboxes, and then go all the way across campus again to get to my car; parking is such that I won't be able to drive closer. That's about 25 minutes extra, which wouldn't matter except that I have to get to work after class as well. I guess I'll be getting my exercise, but it's really going to suck in the winter, with the snow and ice on the ground and the subzero temps!

Listen to me, bitching already. *G*

I also have to examine my computer textbook and write a 500 word review of its content and organization over the next couple of days. If this is how it's going to be, this is going to be one very long semester in that class.

Ultimately, though, I'm grateful that I'm able to go to school. That is worth putting up with a few hassles.

Ah well, I'll be able to tell you more about it all tomorrow.

The Power of Denial, Used to Good Purpose

Now that I can't afford to miss work, and school is about to start up, I don't feel well. It started yesterday: feeling feverish, scratchy throat, occasional cough, periodical runny nose, and some difficulty breathing. I've had some customers come in over the past couple of days to buy cold medicine for their nasty Summer colds.

I will not have a cold!

I've decided that it's just allergies which will clear up momentarily. I moved the big bouquet of flowers from the living room to the cabin; their pollen had become overpowering. I stayed in bed late today, huddled under the covers and dozing. I'm up now and, though I'm still head-achey with a mildly sore throat and barely drippy nose, this is an improvement. I take it as proof that I am right:

I will not have a cold!

Today is for resting on the couch, taking care of myself. I'm off to do that now.