The Day After

He has left behind a hole much larger than his physical self. I want him to be at peace even as I feel stormy inside.

We Lost Our Best Friend

This morning we discovered that Sam had a tumor on his spleen; he had heavy internal bleeding. We did the only thing we could do: we let him go. He fell asleep for the last time in our arms. God, I miss him already. I can't stop crying.

You Load 15 Tons And What Do You Get?

The rough draft is finished, the friend is moved and I've even managed to do some of my reading for history. It isn't the entire load off, but it's a good start.

Not Enough To Keep Me Busy

Randy and I bought a couple of inexpensive mountain bikes last week; his is a Schwinn and mine a Huffy. Despite the rainy day, we just took them out this evening. The trails were muddy and slippery, but it was so nice. I had never been on this bike path before and I'm going to have to go back with my camera. My only suggestion for bicycle makers the world over is this: install shock absorbers on the seat of the bike. Sore backsides everywhere will thank you for it.

It was good to get out and do something physical; it helps to relieve stress. I have to turn in the rough draft of my Composition class' research paper on Sunday and I only have one paragraph. It's not very good, either. Ah well, it's just a rough draft and only needs to be 800-1200 words. My U.S. History research paper, on the other hand, is due in its final form on Friday, so it would be good if I had more than one terrible paragraph, especially as this paper is to be 5-8 single-spaced pages. It's a good thing I work well under pressure. Because I also have a math test on Tuesday. And a book to finish reading for history by Friday (Mutiny on the Amistad by Howard Jones); I'm only on Ch. 2. I'm still getting straight A's and I'd like to keep it that way. I had to write an essay for history last week on how our Founding Fathers actually felt about democracy: who supported it, who didn't, why, how that was reflected in the Constitution, and its ramifications today. The professor read my essay to the class today as an example for the rest of my class. As gratifying as that is, it is also embarrassing. I'm proud of my accomplishments though and choose to enjoy them while I can. When I take more advanced math and science classes, my grades may drop a little. I need these grades now to help keep my overall average up.

I think that's all I have for today. A friend of mine is moving tomorrow and I'm going over in the morning with Randy's pickup truck. A bunch of us from AA are helping her move and it should be fun, especially as I don't have to do any lifting because of my wrist. I just have to help supervise and drive. :0)

I'd best get on with the things I have to do.

Destructive Forces of Nature

If you would kindly knock on every piece of wood available with me, my car seems to be working properly now. Let us hope that there was no further flood damage. I'm just too busy to schedule it in. ;0)

And There She Goes Again

I got up bright and early and drove to get my car. I turned in my loaner and was happily reunited with by Inanimate Baby. I needed to pick something up so I stopped in a larger town on my way home. As I drove across this town, the car started jerking and the emissions light started to blink again. Luckily I was next to a Quality Inn, so I pulled into their parking lot and called the dealership to tell them what happened. They were really apologetic and gave me the # of the VW roadside assistance for a free tow back to the shop. It took over an hour for the truck to arrive, but I had been warned that they would be awhile. I was talking to Randy on my cell while waiting, and as some shady-looking people walked by I chuckled, saying "You know, if someone tried to carjack me right now I'd just have to laugh. I mean really, how far would they get?" I wasn't scared, just overtired and choosing to be amused rather than angered over the situation.

The truck finally arrived, the driver was friendly and we discussed fishing as we drove back to the dealership. The service rep told me he thought that they might be able to fix my car right then, and I have to say that this was not reassuring to me. It was almost closing time at this point and I could only wonder what would happen if they were wrong and the car broke down again on the way home. I was relieved, then, when they contacted the Enterprise rent-a-car around the corner to get me a new loaner (all of theirs were already gone). They are, of course, paying for the rental while they fix my car. This means that I'm currently driving my 4th car this week, not including my own. It's a Kia Sportage, btw. It's a good little SUV, not one of the big ones. It handles well and gets good gas mileage so far. I think I'm confusing the workers at the convenience store down the road, turning up in a different car every day or so. *G*

I missed school tonight as a result of this mess. However my brother had a class and was able to get my homework for me. This means that I now have to figure out equations on my own, but the textbook is easy to understand and I'm getting it so far.

I don't know what this new day will bring. Hopefully it will restore my car in perfect condition, but I don't know if I'll trust that for a few days. It's out of my control, though, so I'll just continue to roll with whatever comes my way.

The Jetta is Rejuvenated

By mid-morning I had a sore throat, and I've been running a temp all day. I knew getting up early was unhealthy! You morning people have some mutated genes or something...

My car's ignition coil was flooded, or something to that effect. They repaired that and took care of its scheduled servicing (oil change, rotate tires, etc.); they have to order the replacement hubcap, so I have to go back for that when it comes in. The car is all better now and for the low low price of about $450, I'll get it back today. That's what I get for mistaking my car for a boat.

Here Comes the Sun

Hm. Many of you normally get up around now (5 AM), right? I would usually only have gone to bed 2 or 3 hours ago; instead I was reluctantly in bed by midnight, and I had considerable trouble falling asleep at that hour. The early birds are chirping and quite frankly, I don't like it. I had get up to be ready for the tow truck driver when he gets here, otherwise I would be tucked snugly in bed, dreaming bizarre dreams about The Brady Bunch dancing under a cheesecake sky or something.

It is my sincere and fond hope that I won't have to spend a great deal of time at the dealership; they are supposed to provide me with a loner loaner (see how tired I am! I don't think the car they'll give me is anti-social. At least, I hope not) car. I could then come home and take a nap, though once I've gotten up and moved around, I have trouble falling asleep again until late afternoon. The bigger challenge, however, is that I will have to drive past a shopping center with such marvelous stores as Barnes & Noble, Kohl's and Old Navy. Did I mention Barnes & Noble? I don't think any reasonable person who lives 45 minutes to an hour away from such places can drive by this wonderland without stopping to browse for 5 hours. Ok, that's an exaggeration, but not by too much.

I foresee a long but profitable day ahead. At least for the dealership and the bookstore.

Standing on the Banks

Posted by AravisArwen at 12:10 AM | Comments (7)

Transmission Triage

Today my car stopped making any pretence of working. Not only is the emissions malfunctioning, but now the alternator light is on and the engine won't turn over.

It's a very sad day in the Aravis household.

I'm going to have to pay to have it towed 26 miles first thing Monday morning. At least the dealership will be providing me with a loaner, free of charge. Still, I feel myself choking as $$$ float before my eyes.

Here, let's look at a pretty picture instead-

Seeking Quiet

I devoted all of yesterday to my studies. I'll apply myself once more a little later today, but for now I'm just going to relax.

Too Much Day

It was a long one and a bit roller-coaster-y. To back up for a moment:

On Friday we received an estimate to have all the other windows (minus those two bay windows) replaced. We received confirmation yesterday that our application for financing had gone through, so the foreman for the job made an appointment to come out today to get the exact measurements for the custom-made windows.

On Monday, we were hit with a storm that the weatherman would later say was the equivalent of a Category 2 hurricane. Many parts of my state flooded, and my town was hit hard. I tried to keep an appointment, but every route I tried was flooded. I managed to get through a couple of flooded sections of road, after which my brakes failed for a few seconds. I also lost a hubcap somewhere. But as the appointment I was trying to keep was to have my car serviced, this wasn't too much of a concern. I just called the dealership (which is a 45 minute drive away), explained that I couldn't make it and oh, by the way, add a new hubcap to the list of things you have to do to my car. Thanks.

I was able to drive my brother to the airport yesterday as planned and, though it sometimes seemed as if my car's get up and go was a little off occasionally, I chalked it up to my baby feeling a little under the weather after its dousing the day before.

Today as I drove to my therapist's office, an unfamiliar light came on as my car sputtered and jerked. I pulled over and started to panic a little as I realized that the one time I needed it, I had forgotten my cell phone at home. I found the owner's manual and looked up the light: my emissions system is malfunctioning, most likely due to the drive through flooded roads. Great. But then the light went off and as I was almost at my destination, I decided to try to push on. Though the light came back on, the car drove fine. But I was driving more slowly than usual, which simply means I wasn't speeding. After my appointment I drove around the corner to my mother's house. With the rest of my family gone my mother has both her own car, and my sister's. I was able to borrow my mother's car while I was working everything out. I went home, found the dealers' # and gave them a call. They said that if the light came on and stayed on, it was safe to drive as long as I take it easy. If the light starts blinking, I need to pull off the road. They told me to bring it in this coming Monday, which is when I had rescheduled its service appt. anyway. They'll give me a loaner while it's being worked on, and the problem is covered by the warranty, so that's good. In the meantime my mom told me I can use her car to get to and from school to spare my car some wear and tear. Everywhere else I may need to go is local, so that shouldn't be an issue.

While all of this was being settled, Randy came home and we went over the house and our window order with the foreman. At the same time, the landscaper showed up and got to work restoring the flower bed on the side of the house.

And I was trying to finish critiquing the essays of a couple of classmates as part of a class assignment. I should have had plenty of time, but it wound up being a crunch because of the car issue.

But then Randy and I went to see Gordon Lightfoot in concert tonight with a couple of friends- hi Leo!- and had a great time. Lightfoot's voice is as strong as ever and was just what I needed after the stress of the past couple of days. The four of us went out to dinner afterwards- thanks Leo!- and it was just the perfect end to the day.

This sign wasn't up when I drove into the flood-



I couldn't get closer to the flooded section of road because it was simply too dangerous; it was right around this curve. This is not usually a pond; it's all pasture, now submerged. Just around the curve, this water isn't just a calm pool across the road, it's rushing furiously across it like rapids...

From Earth to Sky

For Virginia Tech

Reservoir Sky

Too Much Info?

A few weeks ago the nail effortlessly slipped off the little toe of my left foot. I was alarmed and braced myself for the pain I knew was coming, but it didn't. The nail has begun to grow back like the severed limb of a starfish.

Last night Randy rolled over, yanking the blanket with him. I sat straight up in bed, howling in pain. The blanket had snagged on the tiny, half-grown nail and I was sure that he had just ripped it off. Half asleep I inspected the toe, realized that the nail was still there with white threads from the blanket hanging on it. I removed the threads and went back to sleep.

Upon waking today and feeling a slight throbbing, I checked again. Yes, the nail is still there. But it's growing oddly, the side edges longer than the middle. The crescent moon of the nail is inverted, forming little horns. My nail is charging forward like the bulls in Pamplona.

Only slower.

In other, less disgusting, news: today is Randy's day off but you'd never know it. A co-worker screwed up an order and called Randy to fix it. Then a customer actually called him at home because she couldn't find the muffins she liked and wanted Randy to tell her where they are!

I'm beginning to think that we should get an unlisted number.

Busy Day Ahead

When I inherited some money from my father, I set aside a little for my step-father. My father had never paid child support; my step-father raised me as his own. Anyway, I gave Dad (step-father) some money for a vacation. Instead of going on a cruise or going off to explore on his own, he has decided to take my brother and sister to Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam and -briefly- California. I'm driving Dad and Ashley to the airport tomorrow. I'll be dropping Andrew off at Bradley Int'l on Tuesday; he has to go to class on Monday but will meet up with them after. There are one or two really beautiful spots along the way, so if the weather is ok maybe I'll stop and get some pictures to share.

Besides going to the airport, I have to read an assignment for Composition, answer questions on it, write the rough draft of an essay and post a couple of sources on an online Works Cited page for my research paper in that class. If you think I've been procrastinating and it's my own fault, that's only partially true. I've spent hours on homework and research every day until I've run out of time. It just worked out that way. So now I've got to get all of those things I just listed posted to my class by midnight Sunday. I can do it, no doubt. But it's enough to keep me busy. I'll come up for air to go to my AA meeting, and to blog of course.

See you then!

The Man Who Should Be Shot

Several minutes ago I saw a dog tearing down the middle of the road as fast as he could, a very dangerous thing to do under the best of circumstances, let alone on a busy street. A moment ago I saw a red pickup truck drive by slowly, the driver's side door open while the driver held the dog's leash, the dog trotting in the road next to the truck to keep up. He stopped the truck for a moment across the road and I thought that maybe the dog came from the business there, but the driver was on his cell phone. The neatly-groomed dog obviously wasn't vicious; despite being led by the truck he stood quietly by as the man talked. Just when I thought that he was going to put the dog in the truck or turn into the driveway of the business, he drove on, dog in tow!

I'm furious.

Even if the driver didn't want to put the dog in his pristine truck, he could have put him in the back. It would have been far safer for the dog. Between traffic and trying to keep up with the driver, the dog's life was in danger. I'm going to assume that the dog didn't belong to the driver, and that the driver was looking for the owner. But I don't recall seeing a leash on the dog when he ran by earlier, which would imply that the driver has some connection with the dog.

Un-fucking-believable.

Guardian

As our lovely Spinsterwitch pointed out, I have some defense against the onslaught of birds with nefarious intentions.

The Birds

I don't know what it is this Spring, but there are thousands of robins everywhere. The other day we had twenty at a time on the lawn in front of our house, but they are not limited to our yard. There were another dozen or so across the road, and perhaps thirty in the picnic area of the local convenience store. It can be a little frightening if one is prone to an overactive imagination and has read the story or seen Hitchcock's masterpiece.

Here's one of them trying to look innocent as he surveils the house, scoping for any weaknesses...

A Different Kind of Seagull

A tool for observing, observed.

Cliche

Yes, he actually started to cross the road. Then a car came along and scared him back to his side.

Warm Light

Fountain of Youth

Being back in school has made me feel 15 again: I know I have things to do, but I don't want to.

I have to turn in a detailed outline of my composition essay on Sunday. I've begun it, but I didn't want to.

I have to copy the pertinent info from a couple of library books for my history paper so I can return the books on time. I don't want to.

I have to read an essay and answer discussion questions. I don't want to.

It's amazing that I have straight A's- including an average over 100^* in my history class- isn't it? I guess that's my real age showing. I don't want to do the work, but I do it anyway.

^* for my international readers: "100," "A" and "4.0" are perfect grades depending on the grading system being used.

Through a Rainy Window

Monday Monday

Monday was what I've come to think of as a Bipolar Day. I have them from time to time. I felt chronically depressed and just this side of a panic attack; my whole body was clenched and I had the crawlies just under the skin. It was as though I was walking an edge. On one side was the healthy life I have carved out for myself, the one which I cling to and work hard to attain and maintain. On the other side was the sucking depression, a desire to stop trying altogether. To give in, spend all of my money so I don't have to worry about losing it anymore, and then become as close to catatonic as possible. The good news is that I recognized what was going on with me and was able to resist being sucked under, tempting as it was to let go. On days like that I want to go home, curl up in a ball and, whenever possible, go to sleep. I didn't, but I wanted to. Randy is a great help when I'm like that. I know if I can hold myself together until he gets home from work, he'll sit on the couch and just hold me, no questions asked, until I'm able to talk it out. More than anything else, he grounds me and makes me feel safe and whole again. He doesn't baby me; it's not like that. He lets me be weak when I need to be, and then helps me to remember that I'm strong. By the end of the evening I was feeling much better, though I still feel a milder form of the depression around the edges. It's nothing I can't handle, though.

I was talking with my therapist today, telling her about Monday. It was after I left her office that I remembered an image that just kept playing through my head on that long, miserable day. I can't believe I forgot to mention it to her. When I came home, I drew it to show her the next time. It's not terribly original. It's just the scene that recurred in my head all day Monday...

Solitude

On the Wrong Side of Cats

The cats came home this morning. Patches has been sucking up to me all day, whereas Wheezy hissed and spit at me when I first tried to touch her. It was as if all the demons of hell had temporarily taken up residence in her furry little self. Hours later, she still hasn't fully forgiven me yet. I now have to give them each antibiotics twice a day. Wheezy likes the treat I bought to slip the pill into (a "pill pocket" it's called) but Patches wouldn't touch it. So I had to hold him and literally shove it down his throat. I'm going to have to come up with a new approach tomorrow. It isn't as if I could leave it out as a treat; Wheezy would eat it and overdose.

And remember how I said I don't want to crate Patches again any time soon? Well, I have to take them both back for a follow-up in two weeks. I want full body armor this time.

And all of this only cost me $800.

But at least they're healthy, right?

Math test tonight.

The hits just keep on comin'...

Twisted

Didn't Go Quietly

I made an appointment for Wheezy this afternoon and brought her in. She's been fine since last night and I wasn't really concerned. They checked her out anyway. She didn't have a fever or any other symptoms, so they took blood and urine samples and sent us home. But they asked me to come right back with Patches. He's the one with greater health issues, the reason why the cats are on a special prescription diet, etc. It's possible he has a thyroid condition. The vet was more concerned about him, but couldn't get a urine sample while I was there so I left him overnight. I thought that would be the end of it until the morning. The trips back and forth to the animal hospital literally took all afternoon; I was tired and worried.

Then, at closing time, the vet called. They still hadn't gotten a sample from Patches, but they had the results of the tests run on Wheezy and they were concerned. At the least she seems to have a urinary infection. However her creatnine levels (affected by the kidneys) were slightly elevated and because she's been eating the tainted food, they asked that we bring her back in for treatment. She has to stay there under observation until Monday. By the time we packed her back into the carrier and got down there, Patches had finally offered up a sample but they didn't have the results of the test yet. Though all of his other tests came back healthy, the vet could tell by looking at his urine sample that something isn't quite right with him either. They'll have the results of his urinalysis in the morning and will know if he can come home then or if he, too, will have to remain there for treatment.

They don't believe that we have any cause to panic. Still, I feel worried about my kitties and guilty for leaving them behind. I know it's for their own good, but I somehow doubt they'll see it that way. Patches especially didn't go without a fight. He not only gashed my hand with his tiger-like claws, he fought against the crate so hard that he took the door off of it! I had to hold him in with one hand while reassembling the crate with the other.

I hope I don't have to crate him again any time soon!