Worried

By now many of you will have heard about the poisoned pet food scare. Menu Foods recalled certain pet food products. There are lawsuits pending for the deaths of several pets. We don't feed our animals any of the foods listed, so we weren't worried about our own companions; we just felt sorry for those whose animals became sick, or died.

Then today, Hill's Science Diet announced a recall of Prescription Diet™ m/d™ Feline Dry Food. Wouldn't you know, that's what we've been feeding our cats for the past few months! I checked the recall list, and yes, we've been poisoning our cats with tainted wheat gluten from China, gluten which is causing renal failure. I've noticed that at least one of them has been urinating in large amounts (they share a litter box, so hard to tell which one) and I was going to bring them in to check for health issues anyway. Now I guess it's imperative. To add to the concern, on the same night I discover that we've been feeding them tainted food, Wheezy suddenly starts throwing up all evening. In all likelihood the two things have nothing to do with one another, given how long they've been eating the bad food. It's just a disturbing coincidence. But the cats will be checked out. We bought the food from the feed store attached to the local animal hospital. We were actually there earlier to have Sam's nose checked again. While there our vet told us they had heard a rumor of a new recall but didn't have details yet. So when I came home I looked it up, found out it was our cats' food, and called them to let them know they needed to pull the food from their shelves.

I keep thinking about how wrong it is that China is providing ingredients for cat and dog food. China slaughters dogs and cats for their fur. They keep them in tiny enclosures, deprived of attention or affection. When it's time, they take them outside, tie them with a wire noose which tightens when they struggle, and then slice them open carefully so as to avoid harming the pelts. This leaves the animal to die slowly from exsanguination. Footage I once saw a few years ago on a Dateline expose showed a German Shepherd obviously overjoyed at receiving attention, just before being killed. I couldn't even type that without tearing up while my stomach clenched at the memory. I wish I could forget! So the fact that we could be purchasing anything from them for our own animals is ironic in the darkest possible way.

Rush Limbaugh and the Polar Bears

My first week back is almost over and I'll be able to catch up with everyone tomorrow. In the meantime:

As you might have guessed from my entry a couple of days ago, I take part in some animal activist movements such as Defenders of Wildlife and the NRDC. I received this email the other day and, rather than simply forwarding as it asked, I thought I would post it here where more people might see it. Take action, or not, as it suits...

Rush Limbaugh just called us "creeps" for running our Polar Bear
S.O.S. ad on television and broadcasting the plight of the polar
bear across America.

Here's what he has to say ...

"... the ice floe melts into the letters 'SOS,' with the two
polar bears on top of the SOS! I predicted little children will
see this and say, 'Mommy, mommy, mommy! The polar bears! The ice
floe is almost gone! They're going to die! What can we do? What
can we do?'"

I guess Rush finally gets it! The point of the ad is, of course,
that the polar bear's sea ice is melting away ... along with its
future ... and we need to respond quickly.

But Rush and other global warming deniers would stop the Bush
Administration from doing the right thing and protecting polar
bears before it's too late.

In the face of their opposition, we need your help. Please
forward this email to your circle of friends and urge them to
submit their own Official Citizen Comments in favor of polar
bear protection -- BEFORE THE APRIL 9 DEADLINE -- at
http://www.PolarBearSOS.org/takeaction

Please get the word out to as many friends as you can -- and
help us create a blizzard of comments to the U.S. Fish &
Wildlife Service.

Help us stop Limbaugh and the pro-pollution crowd from
sacrificing the polar bear's future.

Sincerely,

Frances Beinecke
President
Natural Resources Defense Council

P.S. Want to make Rush even madder? If you haven't already seen
the Polar Bear S.O.S. ad, view it now at
http://www.PolarBearSOS.org/donate_rl -- and then make a
donation to help us keep running it.

Wavy Green Glass

Sorry for the rather uninspired photo. I've just recalled that I was supposed to read a chapter from my history textbook for Friday in addition to finishing the book on the Constitutional Convention. If you're looking for me, you'll find my nose in a book.

Morphing Me

I discovered a new project, called YouWild.org, run by Defenders of Wildlife. YouWild provides a synopsis of the endangered animals featured, provides petitions to sign and even allows you to upload your photo- or anyone else's!- and morph it into an endangered animal of your choice. There are many animals to choose from, even an ass. Have any photos of your boss? *G*

Normally I would choose to morph myself into a wolf, but to be different I decided to transform into a Florida Panther. I'm partial to large cats. I may yet go back and make a wolf morph, though.

There doesn't seem to be a way to insert the morph here in my blog, however you can see it here...

(I removed the code on 5/19/07; it was screwing up my archive template for some reason. Sorry!)

And if you don't know it already, you'll learn my first name.

Reverence

"There were no temples or shrines among us save those of nature"
~Charles Eastman (Ohiyesa), from The Soul of the Indian.

Immersed

I'm lost on Turtle Island with The People...

The Unlit, Lit

A Scoundrel Reigns Over School. Hurray for Mom!

We didn't go to the movies after all. The only cinema showing Reign Over Me within a 30 minute drive is a small one with poor parking in a town that is overcrowded on the weekends. The only other theater I could find was an hour's drive away. By the time we got out there and saw the movie (it would have to have been the last showing) and drove home, it would have been after 1 AM. Randy has to be up in the morning so it was just too much of a hassle. It will be released closer to home next week. For whatever reason it seems showing movies that have already been out for a couple of months is more important to local theaters than a new release. Instead we ordered take-out from Applebee's and gorged ourselves at home while watching School for Scoundrels. It was predictable but decent. There was a great zinger in there though. Dr. P (played by Billy Bob Thornton, famous ex of Angelina Jolie) is arguing with Jon Heder's character over a woman. Heder angrily exclaims that things between him and this girl were finally going well until Dr. P stepped in to steal her away. Dr. P said "Yes, and I'm sure that in a couple of days you would have started adopting babies from China!"

*G*

I really have to get back to my schoolwork. I now have 2 research papers to write. In addition to my paper on animals in Native American spirituality, I have to write one for my Composition class. That one is supposed to be on a subject we're passionate about, taking a position and backing it up. I'm leaning towards the need to end canned hunts, but I'm not sure how many proper works I'll be able to find as sources.

Jumping around, it's now my mother's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!

Not All Here

The server issues have been worked out. I have to take a moment to plug my hosting company, WebHSP. It's so rare when I have any trouble with my server and when I do, they get on it immediately. They resolve the issue as quickly as they can and they're courteous and patient. So if you're looking for a new host at some point, I would definitely recommend them.

Other than that I don't have much to say for myself. I've been feeling detached, avoiding emotional contact with others and neglecting things I know I should be doing. Part of it is hormonal, part depression related to bipolar, and perhaps also in part related to a therapy session yesterday in which corked emotions were probed with my cooperation.

Tomorrow will be better. Randy and I are going to see Reign Over Me, the new movie with Don Cheadle and Adam Sandler in which Cheadle gets to be the comic relief for once to Sandler's tragic role. I'm looking forward to seeing it.

Challenges

I'm having difficulties with my server. I can post on my blog, but I can't update my index. I can't change the appearance, blog links, etc. The change doesn't stick and I'm given an error message telling me that I don't have permission to access my blog's cgi file. I haven't altered any settings or anything so I don't know why it's doing this. My host has been updating PHP and MySQL this week so I have written to them about the problem and they're looking into it. I have to give them credit: I rarely have a problem and when I do they address it swiftly and courteously. But in this case I don't know if they can help. If my problem isn't related to their upgrades I might have to uninstall/reinstall my blog. Again. I have saved everything for such an eventuality.

If my blog suddenly disappears for a day or two, you'll know why.

I also changed AA home groups^* tonight, which was pretty emotional for me. The Wed. Night L____ Group of AA was the first meeting I ever attended over 10 years ago, and has been my home group ever since. I know everyone there, and they know me. We've squabbled like family members and have always made up. They are my friends. But I need to do this. I need a home group that I can attend every week; I need a home group which meets on the weekends. I can't keep trying to schedule school around my Wed. meeting. I'll still be able to attend it usually, but if I can't I won't feel as though I'm shirking a responsibility. Still, it's hard to change even in this little way. I love my new group, am friends with most of them, known most of them since my first weeks of sobriety, and have already taken a service commitment. I'm at home there. It really isn't a bad thing. Just an adjustment. I told my old home group tonight that I was going to make this change and they were sad but supportive. Like I said, I'll usually be able to attend, at least through the summer. My fall schedule is a bit iffy; I may not make it back from school in time.

And so life evolves.

I saw broadway singers perform a couple of songs from Les Miserables this morning and have had the musical going through my head all day. I've given in and am listening to it now. It suits my mood; sad and beautiful with a fighting spirit and hope at the end of it.

^*A home group in AA is a meeting that you treat as your home base. This is the meeting you commit to make every week. You can switch up other meetings during the week as much as you like, but you always go to your home group. You take service commitments such as making coffee, chairing the meeting, representing the group by speaking at another meeting to share your Experience, Strength and Hope with other alcoholics, etc. You get to know the other members, and they get to know you. You can walk into the room and they can look at you and know in a glance that you're hurting, and they come and ask how you're doing because they actually do want to know. But then, most AA members will do this. They're a pretty great group of people.

Ack! Sorry this is so long. I'll set you free now.

Perfect Pair

Old-Fashioned

They've Got Our Number

Randy and I decided to get grown-up cell phones today; we've been using prepaid phones up until now. We don't use them very often and didn't see the point. I got tired of dealing with buggy phones and hard-to-contact tech support, however, so we bit the bullet and signed a two year contract, that legally-binding commitment that means that you're really serious this time. Randy is completely uninterested in technology; he got the most basic phone he could. I'm not all that needy regarding cells, so I bought an older version of the Razr. We've both been getting used to the phones and customizing them. For now I've set Sweet Home Alabama as my ringtone. I love that song, which is really strange being the confirmed Yankee that I am, but there you have it.

I am contrary by nature.

Ready to Rock. In a Chair.

I was just watching Snow Patrol on SNL. Now, I love their music. I really do. But is it me or does Lightbody look like he's about to have a seizure while he sings? His head tilts back and his eyes roll back and his body shakes a little. Am I right, or am I just old?

And yet, I still find him oddly attractive.

I always did have strange taste.

Snow In and On the Brain

Sadly, sleep eluded me last night. I kept lightly dozing and dreaming about an intruder in my house, or alternately about the answers to multiple choice quizzes of History Classes Past. My thinking was a little cloudy during the exam as a result. I whipped right through the multiple choice questions. Well, why wouldn't I? I already dreamed the answers! Part II was trickier. She listed 8 questions, each with several part answers. For example, "Name 3 methods of navigation early explorers used to sail to the New World (just writing "map" is unacceptable)." "Name 3 of the 5 authors of the Declaration of Independence." Questions like that. We only had to answer 5 of the 8 questions posed. The problem was that a couple of times my mind went blank on the last list item needed. I think I managed to answer 5 questions correctly. In case I didn't, I provided answers to all 8 of them. If I missed part of one question, perhaps I'll get partial credit for another. It couldn't hurt to try, right? Part III was essay writing. She gave us 4 topics; we had to choose 2 and write our answers in the form of an essay. This wasn't too bad. I also answered bonus questions for 10 extra pts.; I'm sure I got those right. How did I do overall? I have no idea but it's now Spring Break so I don't have to care. My big plan for break is to have my hair trimmed. Yee haw.

Yesterday the ground was brown slushy mush which was meant to pass as a lawn. We now have about a foot of snow, perhaps more, all of which fell since noon.

Taken around noon

Can't Talk

I'm studying for my history midterm. Am almost done. Must go to bed. Brain-fried.

mumble mumble mumble

mum

ble

Watcher In The Night

Sitting in the darkened room lit only by the soft glow of your screen, you're increasingly uncomfortable. You try to convince yourself that you're imagining things, but rather than dissipating, that creeping sense of being watched grows stronger by the moment. You resist the urge to look around, not wanting to give the fear credence in even this small way. At last, though, it is simply too much. Your skin is crawling and your eye is twitching and you... just... have... to... look...

Someone Failed Home Economics

Feeling a little feverish and head-achey, so I'll just share this gem gleaned from a game show tonight...

A contestant must guess a word based on a clue, kind of like The $100,000 Pyramid. The clue was "You use this to cut dough."

The answer given?

Lawnmower.

Talk about overkill! I don't think I'm done laughing yet.

*Update*
The answer they were looking for was "cookie cutter." Thanks to Jamie for pointing out to me that I neglected to provide the correct answer to the clue. *G*

Cold No More

My Monday night meeting is what is called a Big Book study group, which means we read Alcoholics Anonymous (a.k.a. The Big Book) together and discuss our thoughts and ideas based on the readings. Tonight we were on the chapter To Wives, written for the spouse of the alcoholic and which is a precursor for AlAnon. For those who weren't aware, the book was written in 1939 at a time when there were very few women in the program, so it would seem natural to address this chapter specifically to wives of alcoholics. Now, of course, a more appropriate title would be To The Spouse, or To The Loved Ones. Anyway, it's written to the non-alcoholic half of the couple who is trying to live with a drunk. It details rather thoroughly the way we- the alcoholics- treated our loved ones, and the pain that we put them through. Naturally this left those of us reading the chapter feeling very reflective, recalling instances in which we were selfish and cruel to those who stood in the way of our drinking.

This could be depressing, but it wasn't. What a relief to look at my past and know that I am no longer that person and I don't ever have to be again!

Spiritual Connections

I've begun my research into the role of animals in Native American spirituality and it's fascinating so far. It's amazing how tribes from all over the country- with no connection to one another- somehow came up with almost identical meanings for the animals they had in common. In addition, most of them make reference to a Thunderbird, though in this case the creature's significance is variable. I expected to find some similarities amongst tribes and regions, but not to this extent. I still have tons of research material to get through, but I'm already seeing patterns after only two books. It's all so interesting!

Drawn by Nature

This is a photo, not a drawing.

Taking In The Scenery

I took some time for myself this afternoon, going out alone with my camera. It was peaceful, soothing.

Negatives

Yesterday was a bit of a down day for me. It marked the third anniversary of my father's suicide and I was out of sorts all day.

The following is from a filmstrip of my wedding day, the only event in my life that my father was present for. The idea for this project came from my friend Johnnyboy. It's a little creepy but I think it's cool.

Native Wisdom

While reading Sacred Earth- The Spiritual Landscape of Native America by Arthur Versluis tonight, I came across a passage which encapsulates beautifully the way that I feel:

"We are to revere the natural world not in an idolatrous way but because nature is everywhere a gift, everywhere a mystery, everywhere divine revelation."

Stillness In Winter

There are times when I just stop and marvel at the world around me, at how lucky I am to be in this moment, and I feel grateful for this gift.

Aspiring

Things have been quiet which, in all honesty, is the way I prefer it.

I've got my second math test tonight (Tuesday), and it's supposed to be harder this time. Still not overly worried about it; it's mostly fractions I think.

I met with my advisor today. I haven't gotten through this semester yet but it's almost time to register again. I've decided to take one course- Speech- in June to get it out of the way. Next semester I'm signing up for 4 courses: another math, a software applications course (I have to take to graduate, but can take online), Intro to Human Services and Psychology of Adjustment. That's enough to get on with I think.

Moon Doggie

Painted

Long Day

O'Neill wrote "Long Day's Journey Into Night." I think I just performed "Long Night's Journey Into Day, And Then Night Hit Her Over The Head Again." Up late to finish some class work that took longer than expected. Up early for school, which was then delayed.

Afterwards I had to take Sam to the vet. For years now he's had trouble with his nose drying out and cracking. I have to put Vitamin E gel on it when this happens, but lately that hasn't been enough and one nostril looked blocked. It's never been this bad, so I took him in to have it looked at. The vet tech proceeded to terrorize me by proffering the notion that Sam had a tumor in his nose. Outwardly calm, on the inside I was freaking out. But our vet quickly ruled that out. Sam's nose has started to dry and chap on the inside as well as on the outside. We've avoided putting him on steroids because of his advanced age- 14- but now he's on Prednisone for a couple of weeks until the problem clears up. So no tumors, just a painful probiscus.

I took him home and then had to keep a doctor's appointment of my own. I've had a lump since early January but haven't told anyone other than Randy until now; no point in worrying anyone needlessly. I don't really think it's anything; it's too close to the surface and tends to itch, though sometimes it's tender or sore. In fact at first I thought it was an odd bug bite. But it never cleared up and at Randy's urging I decided it's better to be safe than sorry. So I had it checked out. The doctor agrees with me that it doesn't appear to be anything alarming, however he thought he might have detected some small cysts in the vicinity so he wants to follow up in two months to be sure I have a clean bill of health. Still, I'm not concerned. Poor Randy. He managed to hide how scared he was until he heard that I'm going to be ok. He took me out for dinner tonight to celebrate.

So now I'm tired and overstuffed, but emotionally a little lighter than when I began the day.

Celebration and Body Snatching

I celebrated my tenth year of sobriety tonight. There were 3 other celebrants with 11, 14 and 34 years of sobriety, so it was quite the night. There's a special atmosphere on anniversary nights; it's pretty cool.

I'm more focused on my history homework right now though. In addition to all of the regular text and online readings this week, she gave us a chapter excerpt to read (from a book on Anne Hutchinson) and then I have to write an essay on it. We also have to turn in our topic for our research paper this week. It's 5-8 pages single-spaced and can be on absolutely anything from the beginning of US history up to the Civil War. That's really too broad for me and it was tough to settle on something. Ultimately I've decided to write a paper on animals in Native American culture and spirituality.

With all of this, who has time to worry about my second math test on Tuesday? But you know what? I'm enjoying the challenge of it all. I even look forward to my math class now! That leaves me feeling a bit like a Pod Person, but I'm okay with that.

One friend gave me scented candles (not pictured), my sponsor gave me this beautiful matching necklace and bracelet set, and others gave me some wonderful cards. My mother is taking me to lunch tomorrow. I'm a lucky gal!