What Do You See?

Here's another, less pretty, Rorschach Test-type post. I took this shot a couple of nights ago and, as you might have guessed, it didn't turn out. I see something in this. Do you?

The Present

How To Screw Up On Purpose

I wrote the rough draft for my second essay: How to Botch a Job Interview. It's a process essay, meaning that it's supposed to walk the reader through some sort of process. If you'd like to read it you can find it in the extended entry. Remember, this is is just a rough draft. It had to be 400-600 words, so if it seems that I could have or should have expounded further in some areas, I didn't because I couldn't. If you have any thoughts please feel free to leave them. The students in my Peer Review Group don't like to critique my essays for some reason, which leaves me to try to figure out what needs to be fixed on my own. I welcome feedback and happily reserve the right to ignore it if I choose. At my own peril, of course!

How to Botch a Job Interview

You're sitting on the couch playing the latest must-have video game with chips strewn around your feet, chips which have been ground into the carpet as you stomped your excitement or frustration. At a critical moment your father walks in and turns off the TV. You start to exclaim "What the..." but realize in time who you're talking to. The grim look on your father's face tells you that you're in trouble. You indignantly listen as he informs you that he has set up a job interview for you and if you don't keep the appointment he's going to evict you. "Don't even think about complaining to your mother this time; she's already on board with this." You don't want to end your days as a sofa-warmer, but you can tell your parents really mean it this time. What can you do?

The answer is simple: you must screw up the interview. You will have met your parents' demand without actually having to do something as ridiculous as work. But how do you go about messing things up?

Whenever possible you should bar-hop the night before. Stay out until closing time or when your friends leave you passed out on your lawn, whichever comes first. A bleary-eyed person with a terrific hangover is rarely a good job prospect. The next morning you should skip the shower; brushing teeth and hair are also vitally unnecessary. When dressing, choose the clothes from the bottom of the hamper. Sneakers with holes in them cap off the outfit nicely. The tricky part will be to get past the parents undetected. If spotted they will certainly force you to get cleaned up. Have an exit strategy, such as being out the door before they wake up. You can do it just this once. It's for a good cause.

Don't hurry to the interview, though; you should be seven minutes late. This will make you noticeably tardy without causing them to cancel altogether. Remember, it's important to keep the appointment in order to meet your parents' requirement!

If on the off chance the interviewer spots you and doesn't tell you that the position has already been filled- a euphemism for "No way in hell will I ever hire you!" -you should proceed accordingly:

First, avoid eye contact. This makes you seem insecure, possibly even criminal. If the interviewer actually offers to shake your hand make sure your grasp is loose and clammy, an effect easily achieved by licking your palm when nobody is looking. A firm handshake exudes confidence and competence. You don't want that. If he wrinkles his nose and wipes his hand, you're doing well.

If the interviewer invites you to sit down and answer some questions, he must really owe your father big time. Mumbled responses such as "yeah," "nah" and "dunno" are an excellent way to leave a bad impression. If while avoiding eye contact you're lucky enough to spot a photo of an attractive teenager who is obviously his child, perk up and rave about how "hot" the kid is. That will bring the interview to a rapid conclusion. He will say something like "Thank-you for your time. We'll let you know."

You'll never hear from him again and can once more relax on the sofa with the sense of satisfaction which always comes with knowledge of a job well done.

Feeling Off

I've been struggling lately, feeling weepy and anxious. I know that depression is sinking its teeth into me as it sometimes does despite my efforts. I know its sources and I have shared in meetings about the pain I've been feeling since my grandfather's death. My depression hasn't reached debilitating levels yet, and I don't think it will. But it's sucking a lot of energy out of me. In addition to meetings, the beauty of the natural world also has the power to lift my spirits. These things give me hope and help me to keep moving when all I want to do is sleep.

Icy

Now imagine this brilliantly lit by sunlight...

Paradise Lost

What a frustrating day to be an amateur photographer who is also a student!

It snowed during the night and the temperature was very low. As I drove into school this morning the world was one of ferocious beauty. Every twig on every branch of every tree was blanketed in ice and snow, and bright sunlight sparkled on these crystalline masterpieces. I desperately wanted to turn back and record this magical landscape with my camera, suspecting as I did that the scenery wouldn't last. Maturity and responsibility wouldn't allow me to follow my impulse, however, and I continued to class. As it turns out, I was right. With few exceptions the snow had been blown from the trees by strong winds, the ice had begun to melt and fall from the branches, and the world returned to an average gray Winter's day. The few spots which had not been effected by time were located in places where it would be dangerous to pull over.

The awe-inspiring beauty was lost.

Even so I went out with my camera when I got home. This doesn't begin to compare, but I did the best that I could.

Stupid Things

If you have been whitelisted- and you have if you've posted here anytime since November- you're not being "junked." This plugin is still moderating, though it isn't set to do so. I'm getting your comment, it just isn't appearing right away. I'll look at it some more when I get home from school...

UPDATE

Ah, I have fixed it! There was a built-in spam filter which I had activated a couple of days ago, and it was forcing moderation upon us extremists. Sorry, just came from a lecture on Ben Franklin's attempts to keep the peace between England and the colonies...

Anyway, the point is that I have now fixed the problem and those of you (all of you) have been whitelisted. Your comments should now automatically appear. If not, please email me so I can add you to the whitelist. :0)

A Different Approach to the Problem

The passphrase was successful, but it was also a little buggy. I may wind up enabling it again in the future, but for now I'm using a different plugin. This one is supposed to trust or ban comments according to email addresses. I've gone through and whitelisted all of you. If you use more than one address to leave a comment, I would suggest either picking one and staying with it, or emailing me the addresses you would like whitelisted. Nobody will ever see these addresses and I'm not so evil as to sell or even give them away. If you use an email address which hasn't been whitelisted, you'll see a black screen and your comment will automatically be junked. If for some reason this happens to you and you are of the belief that I should trust you, feel free to email me and let me know that you have been rebuffed. I will then decide whether or not I want to buff you. *G*

That is all.

Let Me Try That Again

Most of you won't know what I'm talking about, but some of you may have read a post I entered earlier tonight about spammers as stalkers. I thought I was being clever and perhaps I was, but upon further reflection I decided that it wasn't really appropriate, at least for me. If you read it and felt offended in any way, I'm sorry.

For those who didn't read it, my point was that though I was getting hit by spammers before, since I've blocked their ability to comment they are making triple the attempts to do so based upon the entries in my Activity Log. Thankfully they're not getting through. I was struck by how even in cyberspace it's true that the more one can't have something, the more aggressively one might pursue it.

That is less cleverly put than my original posting, but I'll sleep better knowing I made the change.

Password Patience, and Petals

The password feature seems to be working so far, but again if you have any problems please feel free to email me and let me know what's happening. If you post a comment and it doesn't appear then it's waiting for me to approve it. I don't know why; I'm working on it. I whitelisted as many of your domains as I could so hopefully this helps. Anyway, rest assured that I will post your comment if it doesn't post itself. But if you're wondering if this hassle is worth it, all I can say is that since 4 PM it has blocked around 175 spam attempts.

Yeah, it's worth it.

Password Required

Hi all.

I've been getting a lot of spam and as a result have installed a new plugin which should cut those leeches significantly. Comments now require that you enter a password- Aravis- in order to post your replies. This means that if someone wants to spam me, they'll have to do it manually.

It has been a little buggy but I think I have solved the issues. If you forget to enter the password you'll receive a strange error message informing you that you've posted too many comments in too short a time. Why that's the error message I have yet to figure out. I'll work on it later. In the meantime that shouldn't be an issue if you remember to enter "Aravis" in the required field. If you forget and get the error, just close the comment box, re-open it and try again, this time remembering to enter the password.

If you are still having problems, please email me.

Thanks!

How Not To Succeed

I'm about to start work on a "process" essay, in which I have to explain to the reader how to do something, walking them through it from beginning to end. Once again I had to choose from a set list of topics, so this time I'm going to write about how to botch a job interview. It may not be inspired, but it should be fun to write. While I work I'll leave you to contemplate this photo. You know, every time I look at this pitcher in my kitchen I think "Chester Copperpot."

If you're scratching your head right now, this is a reference to the failed treasure hunter in that old movie, The Goonies...

For Repairs

For those who, like me, occasionally have a few screws loose.

Fenced In

It's not that the grass is greener on the other side, but that the snow is whiter.

Poignant Humor, And The Simply Humorous

My mother finally made it home with some hilarious tales of having to pee on the highway while traffic was at a standstill for hours at a time! *G*

Highway horrors aside she had many stories to share of my grandfather. Some were sad, some were funny. Once or twice I laughed until tears streamed down my face; not all of those were tears of joy, but it was nice just the same. It was comforting to sit with her and hear about the end of my grandfather's life, and to remember all that we shared while he was alive. My mother is a natural storyteller and brought him to life again through words and gestures. I'm so glad she's home, safely.

On a different and more humorous note, one of my history classmates offered me $100 to write his research paper for the class. Of course I turned him down. This is the same guy who, at the beginning of the class, turned to me and said "You wanna see the coolest tattoo ever?" I debated for a moment, wondering what I was getting myself into. Deciding I was safe in the middle of a crowded room (meaning it was not as likely that he would drop his drawers to show off a tat, for example) I assented. He lifted one pant leg to reveal the Taco Bell logo, about the size of a quarter. I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Yup, you're right. That's the coolest."

Perhaps it was my obvious good judgment regarding the tattoo which made him think that I should be the one hired to write his paper?

Honors Bound?

In the past couple of days I have received 100 (out of 100 for you Brits) on my math test, 92 on my second history quiz, and an A on my composition essay. At least I think it's an A. He forgot to post the grades, just his corrections. This is what he wrote to me:

"Excellent work on this essay, Aravis. Clear and well written. No corrections attached. Good job! And interesting, too."

Except, of course, he used my real name. *G*

As for my family situation, my mother is just getting home now due to a massive traffic jam in which she only moved about 11 miles in 5 hours! Without the traffic it would be a 9 hour drive, so I can only imagine how exhausted she'll be. Ashley and I cleaned house and did laundry, including putting fresh bedding on for her so she can just snuggle up and take a nap after that awful trip. There are 3 flower arrangements placed strategically around the house and we put a little plate of goodies with a hand-painted Welcome Home card next to her bed. It has been such a terrible week for her; we wanted her to be able to come home and just relax.

See Virginia?

Despite everything you hear and read in the news, there is still goodness to be found in the world.

Twice today I had to drive through the snowstorm we were having here, and it wasn't fun. My car is pretty good in inclement weather, but that doesn't mean I like risking it. Worse, I live on a busy road with little visibility due to curves in either direction, and when the snowplows come by they bury the top of my driveway ever deeper in snow. I can't shovel so if I need to get out, I have to repeatedly drive forward and back until I've driven a path to the end of my driveway. Getting out onto the road is the hardest part because my drive slopes upward and there's a final lip to get over onto the road even without the pile of snow there. I have to gun it and try to just bulldoze my way out, praying that there's no traffic and that once I get onto the road- if I get out onto the road- I can turn the nose of the car in the right direction without just flying across the road, getting stuck in the field. That would be the field pictured below, taken today during the storm.

Anyway, I had to go through this process a couple of times today because though I had made a path out for myself the first time, it was many hours later before I had to go out again, by which point my cleared path was covered and plowed in once more. It's disheartening. I felt badly for Randy knowing that when he got home from work he was going to have to go out and clear the driveway with the snowblower, having to try to move my car in the process. However he had just come home and was getting changed to go out there when I looked up and saw someone with a plow on their truck working on our driveway! Randy went outside to investigate. It seems that someone we went to high school with and who recently moved in nearby saw how we were situated and decided to stop and plow us out! How sweet was that? He said it's no big deal and he'll be glad to do it anytime we have one of these storms because he knows how much it sucks to have to try to dig oneself out after a hard day's work. We definitely need to have this guy and his family over when our house is no longer under construction!

See, there really is a Santa. He just arrives late sometimes.

Shrouded

Still hanging in there, though today I started crying at odd moments. It wouldn't last very long, but I never knew what it would be that set me off.

It's snowing now, a big storm they say. I'm glad. I want the blanketing peace that comes with the stuff. I welcome the other-worldly tranquility that snow brings. I want to snuggle by the fire, think my thoughts and shut out the world.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

I haven't wanted to talk about it, but my grandfather in Pennsylvania hasn't been well. I received a call last week letting me know that he wouldn't be with us much longer. Yesterday my mother was invited to drive down to say good-bye. I stayed behind to take care of things here until sent for. Before my mother could arrive, however, my grandfather passed away.

The original plan was for me to drive Andrew and Ashley down for the funeral; I spent the day making arrangements. But I come from a very large family -my grandparents had 9 children- and in the end it was decided that it would be best if only those 9 children attended. My grandmother's health is also not the best so to have all of us descend on her would be too much. Instead I'll stay here and look after my siblings, making sure they have rides to school and work, and just being available to listen and to talk. Our grandfather's loss marks the first time someone this close to them has died and it's very hard on them, especially since they won't be able to attend the funeral. Mom comes back on Thursday.

As for me, I'm still processing. I have a feeling it won't hit until after it's all over and Mom is back in town. Then I'll be able to let go. Until then I'm sort of on autopilot. My grandfather was an amazing man whom I've always loved very much. I'll write more about him another time.

For now, though, I think I'll try to get some sleep.

When A Positive Becomes A Negative

... it can be a positive thing.

Jarring

She's Pretty Cool

Apropos of absolutely nothing which came before, I like Drew Barrymore. I admire her as an actress and like her as a person inasmuch as one can like someone they don't really know.

Mistakes And Impending Mishaps

The math test seemed to go well. Thanks for the encouragement! I tried the tips and tricks suggested, especially GEL's, and I believe I did well. Due to Presidents' Day my class doesn't meet again until next Thursday, so I won't know how it turned out until then.

I got a 96 on my history quiz last week, but this week's was tougher. I still think I passed, but I don't know that I did as well. I also made a terrible discovery a couple of days ago. I picked my textbook up off the dining room table and went to sit in front of the fireplace to read. But when I got to the couch there, I saw my textbook on the coffee table. I double-checked the book I was holding and it was the same one. I don't know how I did it, but I somehow managed to pick up someone's textbook when leaving class last week! I emailed the professor and she told me that yes, one of my classmates had come back after class looking for the text he'd left behind, but it was gone. He sits in front of me and I stayed to talk to the prof. after class last week. I think I must have seen the text on the desk and assumed it was mine, shoved it in my bag and left. This mistake meant that he couldn't do the assigned reading this week on which we were tested. This actually worked out to his advantage: he didn't have the text so the professor told him he didn't have to take the quiz. All through class he and a couple of other students asked me to take their texts home with me. I told them I was going to double-check my bag before I left to make sure nobody slipped their book into it! *G*

On the way home I saw a huge chunk of ice dangling from power lines over the road. It looked like a giant tooth held in place on the line by its roots. It was directly over the road and posed a real threat to the drivers below if it fell. I swung by the police station to make them aware of the situation. The officer on duty kept making me repeat what I saw several times over as though he didn't believe me and was waiting for the punch line. Still not sure what that's about, but hopefully someone made calls and got the ice down off of the line! I can't figure out how it got there in the first place; there were no branches or anything overhead that it might have fallen from, and there's no other ice on that line or any other. Weird.

That's it. That's been my last couple of days in a nutshell. Now, with the exception of the final essay draft due on Sunday, I can chill out for awhile. I think I'll go do just that.

Sam and School

Sam is doing better today, thanks. He's moving well, but he's still very sleepy and his appetite is off. I expect that he'll be back to normal tomorrow.

Some school updates:

According to an email from my history professor, only two of us passed the quiz last week. I know that I'm one of them because she went over the answers after we took the quiz. I couldn't help but think that maybe now my classmates will shut up and pay more attention in class.

The rough draft of my essay was submitted on Sunday, as you know. We had until tonight to review at least one classmate's essay. I reviewed all three essays submitted by my peer group- yes, I'm an overachiever- and have had some good discussions with the writers. But as of now, not one single person in my peer review group has critiqued mine. I hope my professor gives me some feedback, because the final draft is due on Sunday and it would be nice to know what I need to fix!

Finally, and perhaps most frightening, I will have my first math test tonight. I understand the material, so that's no problem. I just know that I will rush and make mistakes; it's what I do. We can all tell me to take it slow and check my work and I'll try, but I still know I'll do it. So I don't expect to get 100, but I do believe I'll pass.

Wish me luck. I'm off to do some history homework.

Bad, Bad Mommy

My poor Sam. He was scheduled for surgery today to have his teeth cleaned and a growth removed. First of all I had to wake him from a sound sleep to take him to the vet, so he was already mightily displeased with me. I can't say that I blame him; in his paws I might have bitten the person who woke me, especially for such a sucky reason! Sam didn't bite me, he just looked aggrieved. As he was led off he gave me that look reserved for those times when trust has been betrayed.

Randy picked him up tonight while I was in school. He seemed ok, but by the time I came home his back legs were really weak and dragging. We decided to take him back to be checked out, just to be safe. It's just the after-effects of the anesthesia, thank goodness! But as I said, his back legs either give out or drag; they aren't weight-bearing well. The vet said to keep him from stairs, off the couch, etc. So the poor guy keeps trying to get on the couch to be comfy, and I keep having to block him.

Just to recap:
- I start the day by waking him and taking him to the vet, where I leave him to be operated on.
- I come home from school and promptly drag his furry backside to the vet once more.
- I won't let him on the couch.

I have become Mommy Dearest.

Okay So Far

So far, so good. I don't seem to be having any internet problems. Now I just have to hope that my saved files are ok. I'm worried about my PSP X program specifically, as it seemed that the computer was having trouble copying some of its files.

I should be doing my math homework right now. See how I am? *G*

Heads Up

Randy won a new desktop computer and I'm in the process of copying files to make the switch. This means having to reinstall my cable internet connection and reconfiguring my wireless. So if I'm gone suddenly for a day or two- and I fervently pray that I am not!- it means that I've screwed something up in the transfer and am frantically trying to get back.

Wish me luck!

It's All About Sam

I've actually saved this as a RAW image as well and am making a larger print to hang. He was determined to sleep on the couch despite the drop cloths draped everywhere.

Viewing and Reviewing

The rough draft of my essay has been turned in, so that's out of the way. I have until Wednesday to review at least one essay submitted by a classmate from my assigned peer group, and then final drafts are due on Sunday. Now that I have a couple of days off from assignments, I can catch up on the shows I've been recording all week. So far I've watched Bones and Men In Trees. Next up: Ghost Whisperer.

I think there are some peanut M&M's calling my name, too. I'd better go; I'd hate to disappoint their sugary goodnesses...

In Her Face

Going Well

I think it's a safe bet that my Friday blog entries are going to be posted later. I have to be in bed by midnight on Thursdays if I'm going to get up for my history class in the morning. Which sucks because I have so much trouble falling asleep that early, but there you have it. I like the class, though, and think it's worth the trouble. I took my first quiz today and think I got 100. I may have gotten a 92, though. There were two questions regarding explorers and the Cape of Good Hope. I think I named the correct explorer for each expedition, but can't remember now which one I assigned to each of them. Otherwise I got the rest correct; the teacher went over the answers after the quizzes were handed in.

I have my first math test on Thursday. Believe it or not, I'm actually not dreading it; I think I have a good grasp on the material. If I mess up it's going to be because I rushed and didn't pay enough attention to multiplication as I work on long division or Order of Operations, for example. I need to stay focused and work steadily instead of speedily. If I can do that, I'm sure I'll do fine.

Other than school, what's going on? Well, I'm sponsoring two newcomers in AA. In fact I'm meeting one in a couple of hours for coffee so we can get to know each other better. She's very young and struggling because she's surrounded by people using. She's on a waiting list for a rehab and is trying to hold on until a bed opens up for her. I don't miss the early days of sobriety! Such a painful, confusing emotionally messy time filled with fear and probably some anger, too. Nothing like working with newcomers to keep our own histories green for us.

Perhaps Randy and I will go out for dinner and a movie tonight. It would be nice to do something fun to celebrate the successful ending of my second week of college. I could use a little down time now. On the other hand, I may be too sleepy by the end of the day to want to go out. We'll see.

Can't Write?

I write all the time so you wouldn't think that one simple short essay would be difficult.

You'd be wrong.

I decided that I wanted to save the travel topic for a future essay. The story behind the trip is perhaps a little too much for a first essay. I don't want to depress them my first time out! I've almost finished a rough draft for an essay on fear of failure instead, which ends on an uplifting note. I'm not feeling it, though, and if I'm not, they probably won't either. Ironic, isn't it? My fear of failure is keeping me from turning in an essay on fear of failure.

Anyway here's the same picture, different look: