Bittersweet

There was a large picnic at the nursing home today. Mom, Ashley and I went and brought Grammie with us. Due to her Alzheimer's she doesn't know who I am anymore, which was to be expected. She's at a point now where she thinks dad is a little boy; she has no idea that he himself is now a senior citizen. Mom and Ashley both work there and see her everyday but she doesn't really remember who they are anymore either. She just knows that they are familiar and safe. Ashley remains very dear to her; you should see her face as she gazes at Ash. It's very sweet. She obviously derives a lot of happiness and comfort from my youngest sister's presence. Grammie rarely gets out of bed since she fell and re-injured her hip a couple of months ago, so the fact that the staff was able to get her into her wheelchair to go outside was quite the miracle. We had a nice time, but she tired easily. Still, it was good to see her.

Also bittersweet was the return of Danny to his home with Ellen tonight. I hadn't mentioned it in case things fell through again. Since having Danny legally declared a therapy dog Ellen's landlord has been trying to evict her on trumped up grounds. Ellen's lawyers don't cost her a thing because of her disability status so she is free to battle the bastard as long as his money and stubborness hold out.

My money's on Ellen.

Doesn't matter. She's planning on moving out when she finds a decent place. We figured that as long as Danny is legal and jerkwad is trying to kick her out anyway we might as well bring my little...

goober
booger
turkey butt
horse's patootie
shnookums
ass

...baby home to his real momma. So I slept on the couch with him one last time last night, packed his things this afternoon and then brought him home with Randy's help. We thought the presence of a man might be advisable because dickhead has been known to try to physically intimidate women, but not when men are around. As it turned out he wasn't home and the transfer was uneventful. Danny still remembered Ellen and her apartment, so things went seamlessly really. Sad, but good nonetheless. I've missed him all night. Know who hasn't missed him?

The cats.

Despite the fact that the baby gates came down without any sign of an attack from Danny, it took Wheezy 4 hours to leave her hangout in the bathroom. She sat on the threshold for the longest time. The longing to exit battled her innate suspicion that The Fiend was stealthily lying in wait for her. When she finally dashed out of the room it was to jump up on a table. Her eyes darted frantically from side to side, her tail lashed like a whip and her ears swivelled like the periscope of a submarine under attack. She eventually relaxed enough to lie down on the table, but it's obviously going to take a few days for her to trust her environment again. As for Patches, he didn't even come out for dinner once he saw that the protective baby gate was gone. He visited with me at my computer about 30 minutes ago but when I tried to show him that he could safely leave the room he turned tail and secreted himself under the furthest corner of the bed, golden eyes gleaming out from behind the collector's mahogany Monopoly game with gold hotels and silver houses. Perhaps he's trying to will himself to shrink to their size, looking for a safer residence than his current one.

Yes indeed, this is going to take some time.

And I miss my little booger. But he is home, he is safe and he is happy.

Aravis... X-Rated?

My lips are normally a little chapped, but some Blistex does the trick. However for the past 2 weeks they have progressively become worse until it was as if they were badly sunburnt and peeling. Clearly something had to be done. A normal amount of lip balm wasn't working even with frequent applications. So I bought Blistex medicated in wax formula and also in a creamier formula. First I applied the waxy one and rubbed it in well. I topped it with the second type, and though my lips stung initially the combination would then kick in and soothe. The problem with this, however, is that as soon as I took a sip of my drink the balm would quickly become washed away.

What to do?

Then I remembered some sparkly pink gloss I bought a long time ago and never wear. I dug it out and applied it as a top coat over the other two so that it seals in the medicated goodness and prevents it from being immediately washed away. All of this creates a disturbing effect, though.

The multi-layers of creamy gloss give me the lips of a porn star. I wonder if theirs are as chapped as mine underneath the shiny goop? Please don't answer; that was rhetorical.

Well, despite appearances I'm no threat to Debbie. She's still welcome to do Dallas.

For One Night Only...

Me In The Now

Though I still feel anxious most of the time, the intensity has lessened a little as my dosage of lamictal increases. I remain hopeful despite the difficult beginning.

While my ability to focus, remember and read may or may not have improved- time will tell- I do feel the return of the compulsion to write fiction. I have yet to sit down and write out the snippets of stories weaving through my thoughts, however it is heartening to feel the return of a part of me that was once so integral.

Illustration Friday-Rain

mixed media: oil pastels and digital

To JFK and Beyond

My brother and his friends returned from San Diego late last night. They had opted to spend a couple of days there upon their return from Mexico. Unfortunately for Andrew, his car- nicknamed The Urchin by his friends- had died its final death just before he left for his trip, leaving them in need for a ride to and from the airport. Dad opted to take them in for their early morning flight and, because I'm nocturnal anyway, I volunteered to pick them up at midnight when they came back.

Given my anxiety levels, the fact that I've never driven there and Dad's insistence that I not pull over or get out of the car anywhere close to the airport for fear of bad neighborhoods, I was a nervous wreck by the time I had to go get them!

But it really wasn't a bad drive. The late hour helped with that, though there was still a surprising amount of traffic on the highways. I also got pulled over for speeding at one point. I glanced to the side of the road and saw a sign that said "55." Not really paying attention I thought it was the speed limit. Upon being pulled over, however, I discovered that it wasn't the speed limit but a route marker. It appears that along that stretch of road I wasn't just traveling on route 22 (my chosen route) but that route 55 converged there as well. Just a blonde moment, I guess. The officer let me go with a verbal warning. I obviously wasn't drunk and at that time of night on a Saturday he had bigger fish to fry. Lucky me. :0)

I arrived at the airport safely and wandered aimlessly before discovering that baggage claim- where I was to meet them- was one building over. I made my way there and Andrew and his friend Ian were waiting. Their flight came in almost an hour early. But then we had to wait because their friends Cat and Emily had come in on an earlier flight and had wandered off somewhere in the vast airport without cell phones. We waited 30 minutes, paged them and called home to find out if anyone had heard from them. As luck would have it while my mother was on the phone with Cat's mother, Cat called her mother and discovered that we were looking for them. She called me and let me know they were on their way. We finally met up and headed off for home, listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers along the way. By the time I dropped everybody off and made my own way home, it was after 4 AM. I unwound briefly and went to bed. I crashed and woke up feeling far less anxiety than I've felt all week.

Only to get an anxious phone call from one friend and two nasty emails from others- not about me but complaints about others. I'm currently ignoring them.

And that, my friends, is that.

Chauffeur

I've just returned from a trip to JFK airport, sadly not for a trip to the Bahamas. More later.

Soundtrack Of My Day

How best to help you understand my mental state? The following is the soundtrack of my day. Some of these- the first 14 to be precise- are a retrospective due to finding the videos of them at this site, the link for which I found at Dooce. Anyway, there are lots of great videos and snarky comments to be found there and I explored them. This was the mellow, happy part of my day. And if that doesn't make sense to some people based on the selections, well, just recall that I am was a teen in the 80's and this stuff takes me back. So there. As for the rest of the songs listed, I either heard them or was visited by them in earworm form. This was my day, in music:

1. Duran Duran- Hungry Like the Wolf. This was the first song I heard/saw today. The rest of the retrospectives will simply be listed in alphabetical order as I no longer remember which came first at this point. I kept remembering how the scratches on Le Bon's face came from an attack by a sloth or some such creature during the filming of this video. Also, I distinctly remember scenes on a boat that seem to have been edited out of this version and replaced with slash marks across the screen. Oh well.

2. A-Ha- Take On Me. Loved the video and developed a huge crush. What more needs to be said?

3. Adam and the Ants- Stand and Deliver. Not my favorite of his songs but the only one available. I loved Strip, personally. But then I was just entering my teen years and had developed a silly crush on Adam Ant. There, now you know.

4. Cyndi Lauper- Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Because it's true.

5. David Lee Roth- Just a Gigolo. Fun video and I can sing this song well, therefore my vanity makes this a Must See for me.

6. The Eurythmics- Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This). A perennial earworm and funky video.

7. Frankie Goes to Hollywood- Relax. This is the first time I've seen the European version of this video, not realizing that there was another, unsanitized and therefore far more interesting, option out there.

8. The Go-Go's- Our Lips Are Sealed. Believe it or not, there was a time when I wanted to look like Belinda Carlisle in this video. Meaning clothes and cuteness factor, that is.

9. Pat Benatar- Love is a Battlefield. I've always liked Benatar, and was just talking about her the other day with someone. So I had to watch this. Loved the comment that went with it.

10. The Smiths- Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before. Great song, and a funny comment made on it even though I love the group. *G*

11. 'Til Tuesday- Voices Carry. I had forgotten all about this group and this song until I came across it today. Now it keeps popping into my head at random moments.

12. Toni Basil- Mickey. Just so bouncy and catchy. Oh, and I was a cheerleader when it came out. Another great comment, one which I agreed with.

13. Twisted Sister- We're Not Gonna Take It. I decided today that this anthem is best left to the young. I belted it out Back In The Day, but felt far less interested in it now. Love the monologue and father, though. Funny stuff if you're in the mood.

14. ZZ Top- Legs. Always has been and always will be one of my favorite videos. I was the ultimate nerd when it came out and I kept dreaming something like this would happen to me. Instead I had to do it for myself. Such is life.

(the following were songs I either deliberately listened to or had foisted on me by my uncooperative brain. these are in chronological order throughout my day)

15. Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars. My favorite track on their new cd. Randy bought it for me the other day and I'm still sifting through it.

16. Snow Patrol- It's Beginning To Get To Me. Easily my second favorite track.

17. Dixie Chicks- Easy Silence.

18. Dixie Chicks Not Ready To Make Nice.

19. The Bay City Rollers- The Way I Feel Tonight. It just popped into my head and I actually found myself singing it out loud before I knew what was happening. I don't know which is scarier- the fact that I was singing it or the fact that I remembered the words. In point of fact, I still have the record my mom bought for me when I was a little girl. Anyway, this then led me right into...

20. The Bay City Rollers- Dedication. Also sung out loud, thank-you very much. Now you know just how bad things have gotten. But wait, there's more.

21. Paper Lace- Billy Don't Be a Hero. Simply put, I've no idea.

22. Blue Suede- Hooked On A Feeling. What can I say, I must have been having a 70's flashback. At least I managed to skip the Osmonds.

23. Toby Keith- How Do You Like Me Now?. There was actually a long period of peace in my brain before this suddenly exploded on my thoughts while tidying up a bit around my house.

24. Don Ho Tiny Bubbles. Direct result of examining the touch of poison ivy on arms and legs.

25. The Love Boat (theme) after hearing on the news that Aaron Spelling died today.

That's technically the last song I suffered through on Friday so I'll end there. I might have missed a couple of segue songs here and there but I think that sums it up. May things go better tomorrow.

As Prickly As I Feel

Garden Of My Mind

Where wild things grow...

Shopping, Dixie Chicks and Randy

I'm no longer sundowning. I now feel anxious all of the time. This feeling of prickly skin, tightening chest and occasional shortness of breath is really uncomfortable. Tuning out and taking deep breaths helps as long as I don't hyperventilate. This transition is as difficult as I knew it would be.

Thankfully Randy had today off from everything and we were able to spend it together. The first part of it was spent in working around the house and yard. This sort of thing is often more enjoyable when you're not doing it alone I think. That done, Randy decided to treat me. What with birthdays, holidays and expenses I haven't been able to afford any luxury items for myself for awhile now. Randy took me for a little shopping therapy this afternoon. In addition to buying some things I needed around the house, he bought me 2 cds I've been wanting, a blouse and a skirt. I feel spoiled! The cds were Snow Patrol's Eyes Open (listening to this tomorrow), and I'm currently listening to the other, Dixie Chicks- Taking the Long Way. I already knew that I liked the single Not Ready To Make Nice^*. It's such a powerful song. I read through the lyrics and hope to be as strong as they are some day. They have a confidence I wish I had.

But it was the second track on the cd that has caught my attention. I promptly dedicated it to Randy, who was listening with me at the time. It's called Easy Silence and it depicts so well the effect my husband has on me:

When the calls and conversations- Accidents and accusations- Messages and misperceptions- Paralyze my mind- Busses, cars, and airplanes leavin'- Burnin' fumes of gasoline and- Everyone is running and I- Come to find a refuge in the-

(Chorus)
Easy silence that you make for me
It's ok when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

Monkeys on the barricades- Are warning us to back away- They form commissions trying to find- The next one they can crucify- And anger plays on every station- Answers only make more questions- I need something to believe in- Breathe in sanctuary in the-

(Chorus)

Children lose their youth too soon- Watching war made us immune- And I've got all the world to lose- But I just want to hold on to the-

(Chorus)

He calms me. He makes me feel safe and loved when I feel small and scared and unlovable.

I love him.

^*if you haven't heard the song yet, you can find the lyrics in the extended entry. it was written in response to the backlash they received a couple of years ago when Natalie Maines criticized Bush during their London concert. the death threats, etc., mentioned in the lyrics of this song did in fact occur in the aftermath.

Forgive, sounds good- Forget, I'm not sure I could- They say time heals everything- But I'm still waiting- I'm through with doubt- There's nothing left for me to figure out- I've paid a price- And I'll keep paying- I'm not ready to make nice- I'm not ready to back down- I'm still mad as hell and- I don't have time to go round and round and round- It's too late to make it right- I probably wouldn't if I could- 'Cause I'm mad as hell- Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should- I know you said- Can't you just get over it- It turned my whole world around- And I kind of like it- I made my bed and I sleep like a baby- With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'- It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her- Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger- And how in the world can the words that I said- Send somebody so over the edge- That they'd write me a letter- Sayin' that I better shut up and sing- Or my life will be over- I'm not ready to make nice- I'm not ready to back down- I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round- It's too late to make it right- I probably wouldn't if I could- 'Cause I'm mad as hell- Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should- Forgive, sounds good- Forget, I'm not sure I could- They say time heals everything- But I'm still waiting.

I kind of feel like this myself.

Color-Coordinated

Do you think she does this on purpose? This bathroom rug is her favorite place to hang out these days...

Interlude

It was so hot today! I wore a turquoise top with white capris to my cousin's party only to find that almost every other woman there was wearing the same colors in varying combinations. Pretty funny, really. We're all ready for summer.

It was Father's Day (happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there) but I never managed to connect directly with Dad. He drove my brother to the airport early this morning (Drew made his annual pilgrimmage to Mexico to take part in the La Casa Project) and was sleeping this afternoon. I didn't want to wake him so I left my card for him. I'll be seeing him tomorrow. Anyway, I had lunch with my mom and Ashley before heading over to my cousin's house. Several AA friends were there and I spent most of my time with them. James did in fact show up and spoil my fun a little. I was speaking with our aunt Janet when I noticed him approach out of the corner of my eye. He hovered, realized that I didn't want to acknowledge him, and he took off. A little later though he came up to us both and said hello to Janet. His hello to me was frosty in the extreme, as though I was in the wrong. He knows I want nothing to do with him yet he insists on trying to force himself on me. Well, that's in keeping, isn't it? Little bastard; may he rot. Just a suggestion to the Powers That Be.

Other than that irritating moment however, the rest was nice. One of my friends was acting as dj outside. There was plenty to eat and drink and people to talk to. My cousin has a wonderful, joyful picture of my father (the biological one who died 2 years ago) that caught me off guard at first, then made me smile. It was good to remember him on this day in such a happy way. It was an emotional day. Though I live close enough to walk there I chose to drive in case I needed to leave quickly. This I eventually did when I reached saturation point. I went home and waited for Randy to return from work and visiting his father. It was late by the time we walked the dogs, but this was a plus because by then the temp had dropped to something more reasonable for the pooches. Top that off with snacks and tv viewing (I'm enjoying the new Treasure Hunters so far) with Randy and the dogs and that makes for a great evening.

Not bad, overall.

Sundowning?

It's only been a couple of days, but I think I'm sundowning now. I feel fine when I wake up and as I go about my day. However that begins to change in the evening. Yesterday I became really pissy when little things went wrong. I knew what was happening and managed not to rage, but I was very angry because something small didn't go my way. Then, after my meeting today, I snapped at a friend. Granted she was a little out of line, still I shouldn't have reacted that way. The situation certainly didn't call for it. In addition to the scene with my friend, my cousin invited me to a cookout tomorrow and after I accepted, she told me that my hated brother James is also going to be there. I've had to be around him for family functions in the past and I'll get through it. Several AA friends will be there too. Still, it's an unsettling development. For the rest of the night I felt like I was crawling out of my skin, full of nebulous anxiety. This was made worse- but slightly more humorous- when all of a sudden my neighbor shot off his cannon! That's usually reserved for Independence Day celebrations, and the unexpected explosion made me literally jump about 6 inches off the couch! It took me several moments to slow my heart rate before I was able to settle the poor dogs. This was Danny's first cannon blast and I must say he wasn't overly pleased by the experience. *G*

I felt better once Randy came home. Just his presence soothes me when I'm anxious; I feel safe and calm again. The rest of the time, however, my nerves are raw. It's all part of the healing process, I suppose.

Tipped Over and Tangled

This photo sums up the way I feel tonight rather well: a little tangled up and out of sorts in a peaceful environment, hoping to become a part of the peace eventually.

New Doctor, New Med

Things went well.

Dr. Oberkirch was as professional and kind as she seemed on the phone. She took time to get to know me and my history, and listened to my concerns regarding any medications I might be put on. She patiently listened to my questions and addressed my concerns. She also listened to the list of problems I've been having these past couple of years which I attribute to the lithium. Rather than dismissing my symptoms as "getting older" the way many people I know have, she verified that these things weren't normal. She believes that getting me off of the lithium will take care of those issues, such as my inability to focus, read or remember anything from one moment to the next, etc.

In the end we decided that I should try a newer drug called lamictal which has been getting great results with bipolar patients. Nothing works quite so well as lithium for the full range of moods, but as we know lithium can have nasty side effects and is no longer an option for me. That being the case I'm going to try lamictal. There's a chance I might have to supplement it with depekot because lamictal doesn't always control the manic side of bipolar effectively enough. However I prefer to try the lamictal alone initially, as I would rather not wind up on multiple medications (or a Pill For All Seasons, as I think of it). I'm all about keeping it simple.

There are several benefits to making the switch from lithium to lamictal. For instance, there are no dangerous drug interactions with lamictal the way there was with lithium. I couldn't take ibuprofen, for example, because it affects the way lithium is metabolized in the body. That was difficult because there are some aches that only ibuprofen can ease for me. That will no longer be an issue. Another perk is the fact that lithium causes weight gain; lamictal causes weight loss. Had I heard nothing else, that alone would probably have sold me! I've also heard from some other people who take lamictal now and they love it.

So there you have it. I start taking it tonight. It's the sort of thing that must be built up in my system slowly and carefully, so it's going to be a few weeks before I reach therapeutic levels. I think it will be worth the time and care taken though. I hope so.

Hair and Head Shrinking

Got the hairs cut today, and I really like how it turned out. I can either mess it up for a windblown look or sleek it back behind the ears for a little more sophistication. It's rare that I like a new style immediately, but this was one of those happy exceptions. It's just the right lift because tomorrow I meet with my new psychiatrist for the first time.

As I come off my lithium and try new medication, I may be a little off. I'll be prone to drastic mood swings. Please bear with me; this will pass. I've got a support network in place including a back-up treasurer for my AA home group just in case I become too anxious to deal with money matters for the group. That happens to me when I'm manic; I can't handle money well and become paralyzed at the thought of touching a checkbook, let alone balancing one. Not good if you're the treasurer of a group, so I needed someone on standby in case this happens while I transition. My husband, my family, my therapist, my sponsor and several friends are all aware of what is about to happen. When I'm manic I become irrational, irritable. I'm prone to rages, inappropriate humor, grandiosity and/or recklessness. When I'm depressed, I rapidly become debilitated by it and can even become suicidal.

You can see why I'm a little nervous about finding the right psychiatrist and getting on the correct new med quickly. Wish me luck! :0)

My new 'do

Cutting Things

My hair is getting chopped later this afternoon. It's almost to my waist now but will be just past my shoulders by this time tomorrow. It's necessary; the ends are split and it's become unmanageable. I'm looking forward to lightening the load on my head, too. Long hair can be uncomfortable in the summer. It's only hair. If I don't like it, it will grow out.

Speaking of cutting things, I've discovered that I enjoy mowing my yard. This epiphany came to me today when I was finally able to get to the backyard. It's very relaxing. Who knew?

The only trouble with greater exposure to the outdoors is my nemesis, allergies. Here's one of the greatest offenders, growing in my front yard-

Illustration Friday-Jungle

Mixed media: pastels, flowers, digital manipulation

Silly Accomplishment

Randy finally had time to teach me to drive the new riding lawn mower, so I mowed our lawn for the first time ever today! I know, it sounds silly. But for me it's a big deal. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and tried something new even though it required me to ask for help in order to do so. Now I am able to lend a hand with something else around the house. Randy has so little free time and can't seem to get to everything he'd like. My wrist means that there are things I simply can't handle anymore and he's had to pitch in. This is something I can do for him, and I'm happy to do it. See? It is a big deal. :0)

Er, this isn't my lawn. It belongs to one of my neighbors.

Another Great Day

Today was pretty nice. On the way to my meeting I stopped for a cup of coffee and met up with an old friend whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We started talking and I never made it to my meeting, but it was worth it. She's actually the one who 12-Stepped me, meaning that when I decided I wanted to get sober, she's the one who came to my house to talk to me and help me find meetings. She also gave me my first job in sobriety. Over the years our lives have taken us in different directions and though we live in the same town, we never see one another. She's been going back to college over an hour away while raising two children and working. There simply wasn't enough time in the day for her for a couple of years. Now however she's about to graduate and is around more. Hopefully we can get together more often.

When I returned home afterwards I decided to take the dogs for a walk. It never rained, but the sky often looked quite dramatic and I was able to get some great shots, despite Sam's impatient tugging at the leash.

Hope everyone is having as nice a weekend as I am so far!

Peaceful Here

Reviews: Weird and Hexed

What can I say about Emotionally Weird by Kate Atkinson? Horrible. Mind-numbing. Frustrating. Stories within stories and almost all of them garbage. Hours of my life I'll never get back. Reduced to bathroom reading, since it seemed of equal quality.

The thing of it is, had they stuck to the plot line regarding Effie's family dynamic and the mystery of her birth it would have made an interesting story. But the endless prattling on about Effie's college life made me wish my eyes would explode in my head before having to read another word. Only the vain hope of the story having some point kept me going. Professor Cousins was the only likable character in that particular story line, and unfortunately it was that plot which dominated the novel. If they made toilet paper for the brain, I would wipe out huge sections of this book, it was simply that pointless and annoying.

How does one go on after surviving such a travesty? By watching BBC America's new show, Hex. Definitely not everyone's taste. It has been touted as a sexier, more daring Buffy. And nothing magical can escape comparison to the ubiquitous Harry Potter, though other than the fact that it takes place in an English private school and magic is used, it has absolutely nothing in common with that particular wizard. Instead it's the story of Cassie, a shy young woman who inherits her ancestress' powers as a witch. She also seems to have inherited Azazeal- the leader of the Fallen Ones, the nephalim- who loved not only her ancestress Rachel but now seems to have transferred his attentions to her. This can't be good. In fact, it results in him killing her best friend in order to regain his strength. Have no fear though, for Cassie can see Thelma's ghost. Scenes from upcoming episodes look melodramatic and yummy. Well, Michael Fassbender looks yummy as Azazeal. When he's not morphing into something that resembles my ex on crack with wings... or was that Travis? He always did want a career as an actor.

Diabetes and Danny

I've made peace with my new diagnosis, or I did until I read on another site that I should wear one of those med-alert bracelets to let emergency techs know of my condition if I'm unconscious. For some reason that freaked me out a little. Perhaps because, as I pointed out to my mother, with my luck the med-tech wouldn't know the difference between my type of diabetes and "sugar" diabetes, so they would probably shoot me up with insulin! *G* Also, I noted that if left untreated for a prolonged period of time, my diabetes leads to brain damage. I can't help but think that if so, it might explain so much...Seriously though, I'm not worried about the diagnosis. ;0)

I followed through and made an appointment with a new psychiatrist. I spoke with her on the phone for a while. She sounds competent, professional and kind. This comforted me quite a bit. She believes- as I do- that I'll have to stop taking the lithium and try something new. I meet with her next Thursday morning. I'll give you my impressions then. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

... we still have Danny. Ellen has been having some more health issues and is currently unable to manage the stairs of her apartment building. She wouldn't be able to let him out, let alone walk him. The good news is that her caseworker and some lawyers have had Danny legally classified as her therapy dog. Her landlord cannot force her to get rid of him now. Hurray!

Speaking of the little peanut, here he is snuggling with Randy-

Mildly Indelicate Health Problem

For a few years now I've been taking lithium carbonate to treat my bipolar disorder. It's worked wonders; without it I'd either kill myself or someone else. I'm kidding. Sort of. But lithium can be a tricky drug with some nasty side effects. It would seem that I now suffer from one of them.

Every year I have to undergo some tests to check my lithium levels and determine how well my kidneys are functioning. Lithium can damage them over the long-term. I recently underwent these tests, including one called a creatnine test. It involves peeing into a large sterile jug for 24 hrs. for the lucky lab people's edification. When the doctor's office handed me my jug this year I told them I needed two. They didn't believe me at first. It seems they forgot that the last year I did it I wound up not only filling the one jug, but having to use one of my own Rubbermaid pitchers as well. They gave me the second jug, eyes raised and obviously dubious.

I returned them both nearly full, I think the doctor said close to 4 liters. That's normal for me.

I've been saying for a long time now that I've had to go far more often than I should. I used to be able to hold it for hours, then suddenly I started having to go frequently and am unable to hold it for long at all. Those of you living in the states may be familiar with the commercial with the jingle "Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now!" I've thought more than once about being put on that medication. Something's been off and I didn't know what.

Now I do.

The doctor called me tonight. He said he was having trouble understanding all of the results from my creatnine and he's going to consult a nephrologist. However he believes I have Diabetes Insipidus. This isn't the more common "sugar diabetes" with which most people are at least passingly familiar. This is caused by the failure of a hormone to work on the body as it should, making me feel thirsty all the time even as my kidneys fail to concentrate liquids, creating the need to pee. Often. There can be several causes, one of them being lithium. My doctor wants me to locate a new psychiatrist immediately and make her aware of the situation. He is a great guy but psychiatric medicine is not his forte. The psychiatrist will be able to assess the situation vis-a-vis my lithium intake and perhaps put me on something new instead. Meanwhile my medical doctor and the nephrologist will figure out the best treatment for me I guess. It's not so dire as it sounds, however it does require action on my part.

I know I bitched here a few months ago about needing to get a new psychiatrist because I've felt off. I never acted on that as I should have though. I've had some vague anxiety issues over getting a new one because my history with them isn't good so far. I did, however, get a list of acceptable psychiatric providers from my HMO, and I had chosen one from the list to contact. I guess tomorrow is finally the day I do so.

Inspiration Photo Challenge- Rain Like Tears

Gardening

I raked out the flower beds today; it was necessary to get rid of dead leaves so I could locate the weeds that need to be pulled. The good news is that there weren't too many weeds and I should be able to pull them all tomorrow. The bad news is that I used my left hand too much and my wrist is in so much pain now that my left hand is useless. I'm typing with one hand, something I haven't had to do since 2004 when I injured it and was recovering from surgery. I actually became remarkably proficient at it by the end of the year. *G* It should be better in a day or so.

It's worth it though with results like this:

Vacation Dreams

Sam seems to be holding his own with the stomach bug. Thanks so much for the well-wishes!

Randy and I were given the url to pictures of the house on Martha's Vineyard where we'll be staying in September. It's a huge house, easily sleeping 10 people, and it will be all ours! Fireplace, balconies, 7 miles out of town and only a mile from the beach. I can't wait! Here's an aerial view:

Randy knows the guy who owns this rental property, and he's giving it to us for only $300/wk instead of the usual $700 off-season rate. My husband's people skills come in handy. Glad this sort of thing doesn't hinge on my people skills or we'd be out of luck! *G*

Sammy's Sick

We had a little bit of a scare today. While walking Sam, he became sick. We took him to the vet's immediately. He has a stomach bug and mild dehydration. He also has a minor eye infection, which we were aware of. We were treating it with special wipes but it wasn't clearing up so we got some prescription ointment while there as well. Sam needed a couple of shots and some hydration. They also sent him home with some pills for his stomach and special food for the next few meals. He seems better tonight, more comfortable. Poor guy! I figured it was something like this but with his age and his struggles to keep weight on, I didn't want to risk waiting to see if he would get better on his own. The vet's office has limited weekend hours and no emergency service after-hours. Better to be safe and all that.

He should get well quickly now. :0)

I kind of like that this is out of focus

I Can Prove It!

I bet a bunch of you thought I was a crackpot after yesterday's ant conspiracy, right? But today I have proof! They've not only upended our old picnic table, they've started to disassemble it and carry it a bit at a time down their ant holes...

Undermined

I have a theory. It's disturbing really. It involves bugs. This is not my infamous Woolly Bear Theory of '98, in which I postulated that the more Woolly Bears seen on the road, the milder the coming winter. No, that was a bust. This is worse.

It's a conspiracy theory!

While walking the dogs endlessly I couldn't help but notice that whereas there used to be a normal amount of ant hills in the neighborhood, we are now inundated with the things. There are thousands- perhaps hundreds of thousands!- of ant hills along our roads and on our properties. They are simply everywhere, their industrious souls busy being industrious, racing in and out of the holes as they perform their allotted tasks. Being slow, it took a while to dawn on me but now I'm on to them. One of these days my town is going to disappear down a giant sink hole, only it won't really be a sink hole at all but rather the carefully-plotted collapse of their antly tunnels. Yes! They are removing the ground beneath our feet one piece of dirt at a time. And you know what will happen when the town falls into their carefully crafted hole, right? It won't be pretty my friends. It won't be pretty at all!

So if I suddenly stop blogging, you'll know that the ants have won.