Gotta Keep This Quick

Normally I don't like to inundate you with so many images in a week, but I have to be up in 6 hours. I have to be halfway across the state by 9am for my command appearance at the insurance company's doctor. So I'm afraid that rather than come up with something witty or snarky or wise to post tonight, this is what you get instead. I'll catch up with everyone's blogs later.

Have a great day everyone!

A Winter's Night?

A Day In The Life

It got off on the wrong foot. I hadn't had a full night's sleep in a couple of days due to early morning appointments, so I had planned to sleep in. Unfortunately one of my friends couldn't remember whether or not you're supposed to take that little bit of film/tape off of an ink cartridge before putting it in a printer, so she just had to call me to find out. Having engaged in a conversation, it was therefore impossible for me to fall asleep again, tired as I was. So I got up. I decided to check my weight- something I haven't done in a couple of weeks- only to discover that despite all of my diet and exercise, I haven't lost an ounce since the initial 5 pound weight loss! I took out my tape measure and checked waist and hips. Thankfully, I've lost 2-3" off of them, but I couldn't completely get over the lack of weight loss. I know intellectually about plateaus and that muscle weighs more than fat, but it's still discouraging.

I tinkered on the computer for a little while feeling unenthused and stewing over my weight while feeling more and more exhausted. Finally I had to ask myself what I was doing awake when I was obviously tired enough now to take a nap and catch up on some sleep. So I did. I went back to bed for a couple of hours, and when I woke up my mood was vastly improved. My weight no longer bothered me. I took out my jewelry-making supplies and began to tinker until a design began to form. I worked on it until it was time to go to my meeting. James was there again but I ignored him and chose instead to just focus on me and my sobriety. I knew I was safe and surrounded by friends; James no longer has the power to hurt me, not if I don't let him. Realizing this and actually beginning to believe it today not only got me through the meeting, but also helped to raise my spirits. Dad (step-father) invited me over for supper, another nice thing. Then I spent some time with my sister Ashley before coming home to finish the necklace I had begun in the afternoon. I made it with Ash in mind, but if she doesn't like it, I do. I may make some earrings to go with it.

So a day that got off to a bad start had a happy ending after all. :0)

I had to buy this clasp- it's so cute!

I Wonder What Their Kids Will Look Like?

I read that a Sudanese man must take a goat for wife as punishment for being caught in a sex act with it. All I can think is:

That's awfully hard on the goat.

Er, you know what I meant. Here, have a pretty picture to make up for that...

B&W PhotoChallenge-Perspective

SwissToni's CD Arrives

Yesterday I received my compilation cd from SwissToni, which I won in one of his excellent contests. It's always exciting to have some sort of real life contact with a blogging friend, so I was happy just to get it. I've been listening to it on and off ever since, and it's stellar! I suspected that I would like pretty much anything he put together for me as I've noticed similar tastes in music in the past, and I was right. I've heard some of these songs before, and I've heard of most of the groups but couldn't connect them with any tunes in particular. I was hoping that this compilation would introduce me to new music that would excite me. I wasn't disappointed. So here are the songs he sent, and my initial thoughts.

Caution: What you are about to read is likely to make some of you exclaim "Good Lord woman, do you live under a rock?!"

Why yes, yes I do...

1. "Now My Heart Is Full"- Morrissey. Well really, what's not to love? It's Morrissey.

2. "I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor"- Arctic Monkeys. I couldn't help myself; I had to dance. I looked for this cd today but couldn't locate a copy.

3. "I Predict A Riot"- The Kaiser Chiefs. Listening to this made me feel younger somehow, almost as though I were in high school again. I guess it just sounds like the sort of thing I would listen to then, as now. This is all a good thing.

4. "Golden Touch"- Razorlight. Catchy, good for tapping out a beat on the steering wheel while driving. This is important, given the amount of time I spend driving.

5. "Into The Fire"- Thirteen Senses. The sort of tune that, even when you're sitting still while listening to it, you find your head swaying with it, occasionally singing along.

6. "Like Dylan In The Movies"- Belle & Sebastian. Another good tune for dancing around the house to.

7. "Run"- Snow Patrol. This is one that I've heard excerpts from in a commercial. I always thought that it sounded good and I wondered who sang it, but they barely played the chorus so I wasn't sure. Then I heard it on this cd. Every once in a while I hear a song that seems to pour into me and fill an empty space I didn't even know existed until the music completes me. This is one of those songs. I've listened to it easily 20 times, watched the video on their site, and then the first thing I did today was head to the aforementioned record store determined to buy Final Straw, the cd this song came from. I know eventually my obsession with the song will end, but it will always stir me whenever I hear it again after. It's haunting. Thanks, ST!!!

8. "If You Go Away"- Dusty Springfield. A really lovely song. Leaves me with the urge to call my high school french teacher. *G*

9. "Such A Small Love"- Scott Walker. Makes me think of Tom Jones, although the music in the opener reminds me of The Doors as well. Childhood comes rushing back. :0)

10. "Ugly"- Sugababes. I wasn't sure about this one; it's not usually my thing. But I thought I should listen a couple of times, and I have to say it's grown on me a little. It isn't bad. I like the message in this song, anyway.

11. "Dakota"- Stereophonics. Like stepping back into my own skin again, this gets back to music that is Me Today. Another that inspires me to dance and puts a smile on my face.

12. "Showgirl"- The Auteurs. This group reminds me of another, or perhaps a blend of others, that I can't quite pin down. It's very cool, mellow.

13. "Walk Away"- Franz Ferdinand. Not one of their songs that I had heard before. Had a kind of mod opening. Catchy, fun tune.

14. "Cash Machine"- Hard Fi. I keep thinking of The Clash when I hear this song. It's really excellent. The lyrics made me grin.

15. "Born Of Frustration"- James. Great song. It somehow seems to belong in one of those John Hughes movies from the '80's, like The Breakfast Club or Pretty in Pink or Some Kind of Wonderful.

16. "Hounds Of Love"- The Futureheads. All-around good tune.

17. "Forever Lost"- Magic Numbers. My head is bobbing, keeping time as I type...

18. "Fix You"- Coldplay. Well of course, it's Coldplay. It must be liked. *G*

19. "Hurt"- Johnny Cash. This is one that I was actually familiar with. The man was a legend.

I told my kid brother Andrew about this cd and it received his stamp of approval as well. He was especially interested in the fact that I fell in love with Snow Patrol. He has most of the music listed above already himself. I think he's fascinated by the concept that someone over 30 could like the same music as he does. *G*

Thanks again ST, for this amazing gift. The music you've shared has really resonated with me, and this will be the cd of choice for a long time to come! Well, when I'm not playing Snow Patrol. ;0)

Photo Friday-Baby

He's my baby

Illustration Friday-Song

You see her singing in her pj's, but she sees herself differently... What do you suppose she is singing?

Changes For The Better

Give Time time and things will change. This time last year I could happily go a week without leaving my house or talking to many people on the phone. Now I have engagements almost every day this coming week, and this is becoming the norm. Since stepping out of my cocoon I'm enjoying an upswing in popularity. Of course, it's hard to be surrounded by people when one is hiding in a small room at the back of one's house, even going so far as to pretend I wasn't home sometimes when there was a knock on the door! Yes, times do change. Some years I haven't felt like celebrating my AA anniversary and so kept a low profile about the whole thing. I still celebrated so that the newcomer could see that the program works, but my heart wasn't in it. This year, I can't tell you the number of people who have come up to tell me that they're making a special trip over to the meeting where I'll be celebrating 9 years this Wednesday. I truly feel honored, and vaguely embarrassed by the attention. But to be honest I'm enjoying it a little too. It feels good to rejoin the human race, after all. I'm actually looking forward to the anniversary celebration this year! But it's not all about me either. First of all, two other people will be celebrating, people whom I respect and admire greatly. So I'm equally happy to be sharing this day with them. The anniversary celebration is also about the success of AA as a whole, how working the program really works. I truly don't believe I would be alive today if I hadn't gotten sober so I can't fully express my gratitude for AA and all of the gifts in my life, other than to say that the depth of my feeling is profound.

Today was full as you might have already guessed. My phone started ringing early but my plans for the day were already set. I went out for brunch with a couple of girlfriends to celebrate the birthday of one of them. Afterwards we went to a meeting together. It was a good one, with a lot of laughter. We went our separate ways when the meeting finished, and I spent some time catching up with other friends there. Came home, had some dinner, made myself some earrings, read, watched the Olympics and worked out before logging on. All of this while feeling a little under the weather. It was a satisfying day, which is something I can't always say so I appreciate it all the more.

Here are the earrings I made for myself tonight. I'll actually wear these because of their color, unlike the necklace. I never wear purple and rarely wear lavendar. I'll probably just give the necklace away. But I have several tops that will go with these earrings-

My New Thing

So exactly what is it that I've been up to secretly for a couple of days now?

Learning to make wire and bead jewelry.

I've been working on the basics and accumulating the tools I need to get certain jobs done. For example, I had to order a steel block for wire flattening. I couldn't find one in the stores and some of the designs I would like to attempt require this process, so that will have to wait until it arrives. It is not my intention to go into business for myself; I'm going into human services as planned. This is simply something that I've been curious about for a long time. One day I suddenly asked myself why I wasn't trying it if I was so interested. Having no good answer- and a free crafting book coming my way through a crafting book club- I thought "Why not just do it?" Tonight I made my first piece of jewelry, pictured below. It's approx. 11" long and I will probably cut the wire showing and turn it into a choker. This is simply my very first attempt. Could I do it? Turns out I can. I made the hook and its loop, and I wrapped the purple bead in wire myself; it didn't come that way. It's pretty common-looking and perhaps a little sad. But it's my own, and not really bad either. Sorry for the lighting; it's late and the lighting in here is dim. The stones are amethyst-colored and the wire is copper:

My first attempt at a necklace

Detail

I made this! :0)

Another Cheney Moment...

I almost forgot that one of my aunts sent me this. Enjoy!

Only In The US. One Hopes.

Upon being discharged from the hospital today, hunting accident victim Harry Whittington actually apologized to Cheney for all that the vice president might have suffered over the past week.

What the... ?!

Oh well. In other news, I'm still mastering the basics of my latest crafting hobby. I should have something to show you soon. For now, here's another photo. Not bad considering it was taken from about a quarter of a mile away with only a digital camera's zoom. There was a whole herd of deer there, but this shot turned out the best.

New

What fun would life be if we never tried anything new? So that's just what I'm doing. I bought a book, some equipment and supplies and am trying my hand at something new. If it works out, I'll post pictures.

What the heck, I can laugh at myself... so even if it doesn't work out, I'll post pictures! *G*

In the meantime, here's another photo from a shoot of local sites. I took advantage of the warm weather yesterday to get outside and take some shots. The photos for the B&W PhotoChallenge came from this same shoot.

young tree against the backdrop of an icy pond

Another Look

color version, zoomed out

B&W PhotoChallenge-Landscape

Shopping For That Special Lady?

Victoria's Secret was amusing today. Normally when I shop there I only see other women browsing. Today being Valentine's Day however, there were three men looking for something for their sweethearts. Only one knew what he wanted, but he shared the same fate as every other man there: he didn't know his lady's size! *G* I freely admit to eavesdropping as the saleswomen tried to help them. The man who knew what he wanted ran out of the shop to find his lady and ask her size. Another gave up and brought his other half in to pick out what she wanted. The other man floundered as the saleswoman asked him to look around the store and size up the other women to see if any of us were a match to his, so that she could make a rough guess at a size to recommend. I learned that 34B is the average. Who knew? Well, I'm sure some of you did.

Anyway, these men weren't happy to be in the store in the first place, judging by the sheen of sweat on their brows and the glazed desperation in their eyes.

So gentlemen, here's a hint: women come in different sizes, too. If you wish to buy her clothes, be sure to either

a) Snoop in her closet and drawers to see what size she takes. Note that one should only do so if you're already on intimate terms with her. Otherwise it's creepy and quite possibly illegal. Stalkers aren't sexy.

b) As the saleslady suggested, you could look for another woman with a similar build in order to guess your lady's size. Point her out to the saleslady and say something brilliant like "She's roughly the size of my girlfriend, except my girlfriend's nose is bigger. Help!"

c) If you're less inhibited, why not shop for things together? It could be fun...

d) Ask your lady outright what her sizes are. This is not recommended, because it's less fun. But it's an option, I suppose.

e) Give up and buy flowers, candy and/or jewelry. Call it a day.

Hope this helped! *G*

Just Keeping Fit

In my never-ending quest for physical, mental and emotional balance I've decided to try Qigong. It seems to be akin to T'ai Chi and works to center the mind as well as tone the body. I've sent away for this dvd and should receive it sometime next week. It seems like a good daily practice for me. My knees are giving out a little because I've been pushing too hard, so I'm taking today and possibly tomorrow off from my exercise regime. However since I haven't taken a day off in almost 3 weeks, I don't feel like a slacker. Qigong looks like something I might be able to do even when my knees are hurting, and it's another reason I decided to buy it. I'll let you know what I think.

And in case nobody else has said it to you today:

You are loved! :0)

Photo Friday-Blur

Oh yeah, that's the spot!

An Unsettling Day

Actually, it started nicely. Let's bring some positive into this, shall we? I took my baby sister, Ashley, out to lunch. We haven't spent any time together- just the two of us- in a long time and it was great to sit and just catch up. I took her home so she could get ready for her job at the local nursing home, and I headed to my AA meeting. Usually this is a safe and happy place for me. But not today.

Someone in the meeting brought up yesterday's issue of People magazine, in which somebody outed themself as an alcoholic and admitted to having raped a women about 20 years ago. He wanted to make amends. Then today, the woman he raped pressed charges and he's been arrested. The person who brought this up discussed her thoughts, and other people touched upon this example as well. Amidst all of this, about halfway through the meeting, all of a sudden the family member who raped me in '92 came through the door and took a seat behind me as the meeting carried on. I'm tired of being coy: it's my half-brother, James. That's why I hate him so much. He once tried to make an amends to me a couple of years ago, but his version was "I'm sorry I raped you, but if you're honest you wanted me to." I shit you not, that's what he said. I've made it clear that he is to stay away from me, but he still pops up from time to time. Like today. I don't believe that it was a coincidence that he suddenly turned up at that meeting. He never attends it, but a couple of our cousins do, so he knew he would find me there. I think he fully intended to talk to me.

Only, irony of ironies, people were talking about rapists (and what should be done to them) when James came in and sat down! *G* It's not very sober of me perhaps, but I'm only human and I have to admit that the thought of him squirming uncomfortably while it was being discussed gave me a deep and abiding satisfaction. After the meeting, instead of approaching me he left pretty quickly. Sometimes karma does kick in, you know?

I worked out pretty hard tonight to burn off some excess emotion. I've lost an inch off my waist in the past week, so I'm doing something right! Then I logged in here, beginning to relax. I found an email from a paternal aunt, and in it she urged me and the rest of the relatives to donate our brains to science for research into disorders of the brain due to the high incidence of bipolar in our family.

She means well. It's just that this family will suddenly throw the wildest things at you out of the blue, and I'm never quite comfortable amongst them. With most people, I think I'm pretty crazy. But when I compare myself to many of them, I feel abundantly sane. I genuinely like most of them, but I don't think I can take more than the smallest of doses. I was always raised by my mother to cherish family and stand by them, so I feel badly for feeling so turned off by half of my relatives, but it feels like self-preservation to keep to myself where they're concerned, at least for the most part. I feel as though they see me more as an object of curiosity than as a person. A couple of them even told me that they thought I was a myth, a long-running family joke played by my father because these particular aunts didn't meet me until after he died. They live halfway across the country. While I understood what they meant, it hurt to hear myself described as a myth or a family joke. Perhaps I shouldn't be so overly sensitive, but my father had just killed himself and while he was alive only a couple of them had ever reached out to me and tried to know me.

You know, every time I think I've worked through issues, something happens to make me realize I have more work to do on them.

*sigh*

Illustration Friday-Simple

Life is simple, but it isn't always easy. Are you ready to step out into it?

Man's Best Friend?

Can I call it or can I call it? Tonight's segment on MySpace went on to name Xanga, LiveJournal and Facebook, among others, as dangerous sites.

I swore creatively for about 30 seconds, and Sam became a little nervous. Randy had to reassure him (again!) that I'm crazy but not dangerous. Actually, Sam worries for me, trying to calm me and make me better. It's very sweet. He's highly protective of me, and whenever Randy tries to kiss me Sam tries to get him away by worming between us or pawing at Randy. Cracks me up, as does Randy's look of bemused consternation. Randy now bribes Sam with a biscuit so that when Sam runs away to consume his goody, Randy can get his own treat. Who will ultimately prove sneakier or more persistent? We'll see. But it's amusing to watch.

Figures that when two men fight over me, one of them would be a dog! *G*

News Rant, And A New Workout

I'm being driven nuts by the news. Not the cartoons or the bombings or the bird flu. That just overwhelms me. No, I'm talking about MySpace.com. It has been featured every night this week on our local news and I am heartily sick of it. It's not the site's fault, it's the way the media is sensationalizing its potential dangers.

Every night this week they've reported the hazards of allowing your teenagers to use this site because they're choosing to share personal information and pictures which could lead pedophiles and other slimeballs right to them. With each passing day the newscasters are villifying MySpace more and more, as though it isn't the parents' responsibility to be aware of what their kids are doing on the internet! For about a minute last night they mentioned a class parents could take to discover what their kids are doing, and how to stop them. They're even told how to cancel their kids' accounts at MySpace, which the company does without hassle. The rest of this week-long special news feature has been devoted to denouncing it as an irresponsible site, and have even aired calls from parents to have the site shut down. MySpace's answers to their concerns are tossed out as a one-liner at the end of the broadcast, as if unimportant. Talk about slanted journalism! Don't get me wrong; I thought one segment on the dangers and what to do was a good idea to raise awareness for the parents out there. But a segment every night ceases to be informative and instead becomes a campaign. MySpace is not all that far removed from Blogger. We can share all of the same info on our blogs that is shared in MySpace. Will they try to shut down Blogger (or Xanga or LiveJournal, etc.) next because their kids might decide to give it a try and share too much information? Where does it stop?

It is the parents' responsibility to monitor what their children read, watch or surf on the internet. Of course it's impossible to be aware of everything, but there are steps that can be taken to educate themselves. They need to stay active in the lives of their kids, not expect everyone else to do it for them.

Two more days of this nonsense, if the ads are correct. Really, with all that's going on in the world, was it necessary to devote so much air time to this???

/rant

Now, on another note, I tried the pilates dvd tonight. I actually watched it last night to see if I would be able to do it physically. It looked simple enough.

It's harder than it looks.

That being said, it wasn't bad. It's going to take a few times to get the moves and positions down correctly, and if I actually breathed the way she tells me to I would hyperventilate and pass out. I simply can't inhale and exhale that fast! But I try, and it feels good to be working out. All of this exercise has helped with my stress levels tremendously- exercise always does- and I'm feeling so much better physically, emotionally and mentally.

Ultimately I'm in a good space right now, and I'm enjoying it.

Now if only the news people would actually share some news...

Shopping, Show and Shoe

I decided to brave the hour's journey to Michael's, a large chain store for crafters. I really needed some better quality brushes for the small detail work in my paintings. I also wanted to buy some stickers to include with my letter to my grandparents in the religious community, and this store has a large selection. The stickers aren't for my grandparents, but for the 11 or so cousins I have there, offspring of two of my uncles who also live there with their families. I almost never see these kids and they love using the stickers in art projects, letters, etc. They get such a kick out of it when I send them some, so I try to find a good selection to send along. I also ducked into another store and bought myself a pilates dvd. My yoga tape is about to die and I needed something to replace it. This workout video seems to incorporate yoga and pilates, without bands, medicine balls or anything I won't be able to do. I'll try it out tomorrow and see what I think. At least it was cheap, and I like that about it. *G*

I watched Love Monkey tonight. This is a new series this season and I'm really enjoying it so far. I can't help but think that if this goes overseas, our British blogging friends might like it. It's about a record exec who truly loves music and prefers to retain integrity rather than cave in to corporate greed. It's funny and sincere, and I never miss it.

Finally, for the shoe fetishists among us, here is the last of the shoe photos:

B&W PhotoChallenge-Shoes

My favorite pair
Taken for the B&W PhotoChallenge

Update

Color details of the above:

The heel...

New Phrases?

"Bastard." I say casually as my husband cracks his left knee. It always pops and reverberates through the couch as strongly as if his hip had popped out of place. Thankfully this is unique to the left knee; his right knee cracks properly, as a knee should. Randy knows I hate when he does this, and I suspect that he sometimes does it on purpose, just to get a reaction out of me. So...

"Bastard." I said casually. But as I thought about this word, I realized something.

"You know..." I went on, "technically I'm the bastard in this relationship."
"You are not."
"Yes I am."
"No you're not."
"Yes, I am." I insist. "You are the product of a marriage, while I am not. So technically, I'm a bastard."
"You're not a bastard." he says, trying to be loving and supportive but beginning to realize he's losing ground.
"Well, if you don't like me calling myself a bastard we'll call me something else." I ponder for a moment... "I know! I'm love spawn! That's what I am!"

At which point Randy kisses me just to shut me up.

Later in the evening I was addressing my dog, Sam. In a fit of spontaneous affection and silliness, I called him something I'll never call him again but which put a grin on Randy's face when he heard it:

Sweet Peaness.

Say it out loud. A couple of times if necessary.

Is that something one should ever say to a dog?

Didn't think so.

Illustration Friday-Chair 2

A sweeter take on the subject

Illustration Friday-Chair

What a chair sees...

What is the chair thinking?

"Please oh please don't fart...!!!"

Photo Friday-Disguise

If they are the windows to the soul, then it's best to close your eyes if you wish to disguise your thoughts...
Digital color shot treated with the infrared effect in Paint Shop Pro X

B&W PhotoChallenge-Portrait

My brother Andrew

Happy Anniversary, Blog!

The volume is soft on this, so you may want to turn it up...

Anniversary Message To My Readers

I sound sort of scary at the end, sorry. I was feeling enthusiastic, not menacing. *G*

Special nod goes to GEL for giving me the idea and inspiring me to research and learn how to do this on my own blog. A new trick for a new year of blogging. :0)

State of Me, State of We

"I want to go back to college."
"Ok."

And with very little discussion regarding details, it was decided that I'm going to go back to college and finally earn my degree in something. I'm leaning towards Social Services, though my real interest lies in Abnormal/Criminal Psychology. To be honest I'm scared to death to go back to school. Silly, because I've wanted to for so long. I even managed to go back for a year, but then my brother's troubles began with the law and I quit again to be available for my family. I think I'm so scared because I do want it so much. I don't know. I just know that I need to do this for myself before I wind up serving grease patties at McDonald's for a living. I received my annual summons to visit a doctor of the insurance company's choosing, and it served as a reminder to me that I don't want to live this way forever. I want a happy, productive life in a career of my choosing. That's not going to happen for me without a degree, especially with my partial disability. So I have to muster the courage to enroll in school, and then follow through. I'm going to start looking for some summer courses in order to get started more quickly. It's time to take control of my life again instead of merely cruising. At least, that's what I think right now. Check in again later. *G*

Now that we've discussed the State of Me, what of the State of the Union? Well, I only watched about 5 minutes of it towards the end and even that was too much. I shot nerf bullets as fast as I could at my tv set, and even with Randy immediately tossing the foam bullets back to me I couldn't shoot fast enough to keep up with every annoying thing Bush said. I guess I need to practice in order to improve my speed. Fortunately the tv is large enough that accuracy wasn't an issue. No, I do not wish the man dead! I just enjoy bouncing foam missiles off his forehead.