Sarah

As promised, here are some photos of my cars, past and present. Some shots are a little blurry, but you get the idea.

I'm feeling guilty for all of my good fortune tonight, though to be honest things have been bad for so long that I don't feel so guilty now that things are finally going right for me. Let me explain:

My (ex)step-sister Sarah is in real trouble. She's a year younger than I am and though we hated each other growing up, we finally grew to love one another as "real" sisters in our late teens. She was pretty, popular, rich and dyslexic. I was, well, not. But I had things she wanted desperately, namely her father and a loving home, and an ease with reading and learning. Her mother was too into partying to be bothered with her but wouldn't let Dad have custody out of spite, so Sarah was raised by extremely wealthy but emotionally unavailable grandparents. She was a pawn between the adults. Anything and everything she saw was hers for the asking, but she seldom heard "I love you" from anyone. I was bookish and didn't blend well with kids in Texas. Mom and Dad were dirt poor as they put themselves through college while working full-time. They weren't home a lot, but I always knew that I was loved. I eventually turned to alcohol to escape my problems, but I avoided drugs. Unfortunately, as always Sarah did the opposite of me. She got into drugs.

She smoked pot and did coke for a few years until she got married and pregnant. She has two little boys, the second of whom was born with something called Vader's (pronounced Vah-der, not Vay-der) Syndrome. In his case it means that Gavin was born missing a thumb, with only one kidney that's the size of two, and some problems with his ureter which required surgery before he was two. There's also some heart trouble, and spinal and other developmental problems may make themselves known as he grows older. Sarah and her husband didn't handle the news of their son's health problems well. There were some recriminations despite the fact that it's nobody's fault. Her husband is an alcoholic and drug abuser as well. One night while Sarah and the boys were visiting us, Greg cheated on Sarah and she found out. They tried to work things out but Sarah isn't the forgiving kind. She started having affairs and doing drugs again. Their marriage fell apart and it turned very ugly. I won't go into all of the details. The point is Sarah started using again and the boys' welfare began to get pushed aside.

Sarah has had difficulty holding a job or taking care of herself- she has fibro myalgia and carpal tunnel syndrome- but her grandfather always looked after her and helped pay her way. Last year her grandfather passed away, and her grandmother decided it was time for some tough love. Sarah has been cut off from her cash flow. She's been dating a questionnable man and made some very shady friendships. About a year ago it happened: Sarah was arrested for possession of counterfeit money. She claims it wasn't hers and she didn't know anything about it, but when the police raided the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, they found thousands of dollars of counterfeit money. She didn't make it, but she and her boyfriend seem to have been holding for those who did. Her children were taken away from her, and her mother now has custody of them. Sarah has been in and out of court battling the charges since then.

Tonight I learned that she spent the weekend in a woman's correctional facility because while she was out on probation, she got into a car accident while driving with an expired license in a car which she had failed to register or insure. Apparently she was already wanted for Failure to Appear at a court date, so an arrest warrant had already been issued on her when she had the accident. She's being held until later this morning when she's due in court. Her mother and grandmother refuse to pay her bail. No word yet on whether or not Dad will. He might. He's not ready to give up on her yet. Despite how she sounds, she's never been in trouble with the law prior to being found with the counterfeit money. Dad also feels guilty for not having been there for her enough when she was younger; he feels as though he needs to make up for that somehow. It wasn't his fault; her mother was a pain in the ass and made visitation difficult. Still, Dad is trying to be there for her and I hope she appreciates it. In the past few years Sarah has acted more and more like her mother, and it isn't pretty.

But she's my sister.

We've barely spoken for a few years now. She's been too wrapped up in her life and I suppose I in mine. But if your world doesn't revolve around her, she holds it against you. She's long since stopped calling me or talking to me except when she's here visiting. A part of me really wants to go rushing out to Cape Cod to see her. A larger part of me doesn't want to listen to her spew bitterness. And then there's me with a husband, a house and a brand-new car while she's living in a motel when she's not in jail. No car. No kids. Nothing. She has a long tradition of comparing herself to me and feeling as though she can never live up to me in some way. I hate that she feels that way, and I suspect that seeing me now would only reinforce that. But I wish I could give her a hug, and then shake her, and then give her another hug. She's just so messed up, and this isn't the person I know she is on the inside!

I don't know what to do. I think I should talk to Dad. He's had the most contact with her and has the best handle on the situation. It's all just such a tragic waste!

Mom's Home

Ashley and I drove to the airport and brought Mom home. She was funny in the parking lot, looking around confusedly for her Saab even as Ashley and I load her bags into my Jetta. I drove the first leg of the ride home, but after stopping for lunch Ash and I were able to talk Mom into driving my car. She loves it, which is nice because she was leery of my plan to buy a brand-new car. In the end though she sang its praises and told me more than once she loved it. That was fun.

I've spent the evening setting her up with a PhotoWorks account and uploading her photos for her. My mother is a technophobe. Dad (ex-stepfather) was never very patient with her while "teaching" her how to use a computer. He'd show her things very quickly without letting her try to do them herself, then get aggravated when she didn't pick things up immediately. As a result she's tentative around a computer, though she's come a long way, learning a little at a time. Dad rolls his eyes over her, and I tell him to stuff it. I'm proud of her for trying. In the meantime though, I'll do things like set up her photo account, and then email her detailed instructions on how to navigate and use the site. Now she can explore at her leisure and edit her photos without fear. I've made backups for her if she needs them. She'll do fine. She filled up my memory cards with her shots; I had to upload them onto my computer so I can clear a card for my own use again. Pictures of my new car will appear in my next blog post.

I'm so tired tonight. I think I'll go read your blogs and then get some sleep. Good-night!

Family and Cars

My car's triumph is complete. A teen wrote "pimp" in the dust that had settled over the trunk. My brother's friends gathered round and oohed and aahed. My brother and one of his friends climbed into the trunk to demonstrate how roomy it was. I was tempted to shut them in, but that trunk release would have conveniently let them out again all too easily, so I didn't bother. I offered to let Drew drive the car but surprisingly, he turned me down. He said he was worried he'd drive too fast or wreck it in some way. He does have a way of dinging or wrecking cars. But I wanted him to know that I trust him. I think his refusal to drive also had something to do with his jealousy, and that's ok. He was fine until I told him I wouldn't let him use Mom's Saab tonight. The reason Mom left the Saab with me was so that he wouldn't drive it. Having my own car doesn't change that. He tried asking me to be The Cool Older Sister and just let him use it for a couple of hours, but I refused. If something happened to the car, Mom would be so hurt and angry with me for letting him use it. Her Saab is for her what my Jetta is for me. She couldn't really afford it and it's completely impractical, but it's fun and frivolous and for the first time in her 50 odd years she treated herself to something she wanted for no better reason than that she wanted to. I love that she did that for herself! So I said no to Drew and stood firm no matter how hard he coaxed. Thankfully his friends talked him into dropping the subject, but I could see he was sulking. He has a car, an older Jetta, but it's a bit banged up. Drew, I'm afraid, likes the finer things in life and prefers to travel in style. He'd better choose a well paying career I guess.

Anyway, I'll be picking up my mother at the airport tomorrow in my car. She doesn't know I have it yet; it's a surprise. I'll even let her drive it if she wants, though chances are she'll be exhausted from the flight and will probably choose to enjoy it from the passenger seat. I've already left her car at her house- taking the keys with me though so Drew doesn't get his hands on them!- so it'll be there waiting for her. She can just go right home and relax. Ashley has cleaned the house and even thought of putting fresh sheets on Mom's bed for her all on her own. Drew took all of the garbage to the dump. I'll buy some flowers for her in the morning to leave on the table for her. The house will be ready to welcome her home once more.

It's funny, but when Mom's around and we get busy we can go a few weeks without calling one another. So I didn't think I'd really notice that she was gone, but I did. I missed her. I guess the difference is that normally I know she's there if I need or want to talk. For the past two weeks, I knew she wasn't around and that I couldn't easily get in touch with her. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but good because it reminded me not to take her for granted.

As for the photos of my car, perhaps I'll have some tomorrow night. Unless there's something she's afraid to tell me, I'll should be getting my camera back from Mom tomorrow or at the latest the day after.

She's Here

I'm in love, and if it was with a man my husband would be in real trouble. Luckily it's not.

It's my new Jetta!

Yes, Randy brought me to my new love tonight and gave me this wonderful gift. She's beautiful! Sleek and shiny black with chrome grill and trim. Seating and steering that adjusts just the way I like it to maximize my comfort from every angle. A stereo system with 10 speakers that will blast music until my ears bleed, filling every recess inside just forcing me to sing along with a grin of pure joy on my face. And this baby flies! I swear she sulked when I tried to slow her down. Though she has an automatic transmission, it's a 6 speed Tiptronic which allows me to slide into a manual mode without having to clutch. She also has a Sport setting as well. Driving her fills me with an excitement I haven't felt since I first learned to drive. She's tremendous! I've never been interested in cars outside of their ability to serve my transportational needs, but this one really stirs me. And she has a trunk large enough to stash two adult bodies in a pinch. You never know when that might come in handy. *G* Seriously though, it does have a lit trunk release inside the trunk in case I should ever be so unfortunate as to shut myself (or be shut) in. Let's hope that feature isn't necessary.

I'll post pictures soon.

Oddities

First of all, there's Randy's random blanket quirk. Either he steals the covers and I have to fight with him to get some, or he doesn't want any and buries me under a mountain of them, or he decides that neither of us need blankets and he reaches over and throws them all to the foot of the bed. If I pull some back up over me, he immediately tries to remove them again. All of this in a sound sleep, mind. He rarely leaves well enough alone until I become aggravated and wake him up to tell him to knock it off.

Next, one of my neighbors called to warn me that we have a large bobcat prowling the woods behind our house. I wonder if that wasn't what was stalking Sam and I during that walk a week or so ago. I don't know. I do know that I've become paranoid after dark when I have to walk out to my car. Rather, my mother's car. Once inside it I feel safe, which is totally ridiculous because it's a ragtop convertible. If a bobcat wanted to make a meal out of me, my mother's car is not a serious impediment. Yet I feel safe once inside. Silly.

Finally, our yard is currently full of cars, a situation which is driving me nuts. We've had as many as 3 dead cars (now down to 2) waiting to be towed away, plus Randy's new truck, plus my mother's car. People have told me that they decided not to stop by because they thought Randy and I were having a party! One person- the same neighbor who warned me about the bobcat- called. She apologized to me, explained that she's a bit of a recluse and that she doesn't often hear the news in town. So she was wondering if there had been a tragedy in my family, and should she be offering me condolences? Was there anything she could do? I was confused until she said that she saw all the cars in my yard and wanted to make sure there was nothing amiss. I explained and we laughed about it.

But seriously. I want those old cars gone.

Owning Me Now

I opened a thank-you card from my friend whose wedding I attended just before leaving for our Virginia vacation in September. In it she enclosed a photo of the two of us hugging as I went through the receiving line. Perhaps this will sound strange, but for a moment I didn't recognize my image. It wasn't that it's a bad photo, or that I have drastically changed in appearance in some way. It was some indefinable quality about me that I couldn't at first pinpoint. Finally I realized that I looked like a woman, like an adult in a way that I simply hadn't noticed before. I don't mean this in a narcissistic way. I just felt as though I fell asleep at the end of my teens and one day woke up, looked in the mirror and saw someone else. Still me, but more mature both in age and understanding. Perhaps I am explaining this badly. I suppose I've just carried around this mental image of myself and, despite looking in the mirror everyday, did not see the changes occuring until one day, finally, I did.

It was odd, but not unpleasant.

Am I alone? Or have any of you felt something like this too?

Chilled

Once again we're being pounded by the rain. Our furnace isn't working and the repairman can't come until morning. It's now just under 60 degrees in the house. It could be worse though. It could be winter with its freezing temps. As of now all I need are my sweats, fluffy bathrobe and warm socks. I don't think I'm in any danger of hypothermia. I will, however, have to resort to going to my mother's house to use her shower if they don't have my furnace fixed first thing in the morning. No heat=no hot water, and I don't fancy bathing in ice. Either that or I go about bathing the old-fashioned way: add boiling water to the tub of cold until it's bearable. I don't see that happening though.

In other news, I can't remember if I ever told you that when I got the lost necklace back from my brother, it was broken and the medallion on it was missing. So I was pretty bummed. But someone is having another jewelry party-which is where my mother bought the necklace for me- and I have been able to order a replacement. It's the same necklace exactly, though of course not the one given to me by my mother. But when I wear it I'll think of her, and I think that's what matters. So there's a happy ending.

I rented Crash and watched that tonight. Incredible movie! It's sad and ugly, but occasionally funny and beautiful as well. It's a powerful film.

I have Winnie-the-Pooh singing in my head. Is that bad?
How cold my toes
tiddly pum
How cold my toes
tiddly pum
How cold my toes
tiddly pum
Are growing!

Illustration Friday-Remote

In the past I learned different coping mechanisms to protect myself from hurt, pain, fear, loneliness, anger. Two of the most common ways for me to defend myself involve dissociating, either internally or externally. I'll step outside of myself and act as observer, or (more commonly these days) I retreat deep inside myself and lock myself away. In either case I feel apart from myself and everyone else around me. I am unreachable, untouchable, remote. Though this is something I'm working on, still when everything feels as though it's falling apart around me or it all becomes too much, I sometimes hide inside before I realize what I've done.

Elizabethtown

I took Ashley to see Elizabethtown, a Cameron Crowe film. We thought we were going to see a "Chick Flick" romantic comedy. In fact, it really wasn't.

It's the story of Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom), whose sneaker design tanks and costs his employers almost a billion dollars. On the same day he's fired (and contemplating suicide in a humorous and original manner) he receives a phone call and learns that his father died suddenly while visiting family and friends back home in Elizabethtown, Kentucky. Due to strained family relations between his mother and her in-laws, it falls to Drew to return to Elizabethtown to make arrangements. On the flight from his home in Oregon, he meets Claire, a quirky flight attendant who senses something is wrong and decides to help. As he leaves the plane she slips him her phone number. He leaves to find his father's family, who he hasn't seen since he was a child.

The whole town knew Drew's father and loved him. Drew is welcomed everywhere he goes and his father's (large) family engulfs him. They try to tell him how they want his father buried, but their plans are contrary to his father's wishes and Drew has difficulty convincing them to do things his way. Through each of them Drew learns to see his father in new ways, and he remembers how close he once was to his father before he grew up and grew apart. We see how his father loved life, how he celebrated it. Drew starts to realize how much he's missed. He witnesses the interesting family dynamic between his uncle, his cousin Jessie and Jessie's son Sammy. The uncle is critical of Jessie's parenting skills while failing to see his own short-comings in that regard. Jessie is a dreamer who does the best he can. Sammy's mother does't appear to be in the picture. This makes for an interesting sub-plot, and I found myself cheering Jessie on.

Amongst all of this Drew starts to feel overwhelmed. He still hasn't processed the fact that his father is gone. He decides to stay at a local hotel recommended by Claire and, in a moment of desperation, he calls her. They wind up talking all night and meeting in the morning to watch the sunrise together. They strike up a friendship and she helps him to get through the next few days as Drew sifts through his relationships with his family, his father and most especially, with himself.

One of my favorite scenes was the one in which Susan Sarandon, playing Drew's mother, pays tribute to her husband and her life with him. Cousin Jessie's tribute is not to be missed, either!

This was not just a Chick Flick. This was a wonderful story, beautifully told.

Photo Friday-Retro

I'm not really happy with this one, but as my mother has my camera this is the best of my old photos for this topic. Being picky, though, led me to play with the image. I like this version better:

More Stuff Accomplished

I took Tyler for that long walk and I must say that she did not seem at all appreciative of me. She seemed to think it was her due, and that I was overly tardy in providing the service. Ungrateful wench! She's an Akita/German Shepherd mix and therefore very large. However today I noticed for the first time how very dainty and delicate her paws are. She also swings her hips when she walks in a way that had me cracking up. No doubt at all that she is all Female. I tried to compliment her on her petite paws, but she called me a suck-up and ignored me. The trouble is that I haven't visited her often enough in the past couple of months because I haven't had a car. I used to pop by during the day to give her an extra walk, or just keep her company. She gets separation anxiety. Since I haven't been able to come around, she's letting me know that she's Seriously Displeased. Dogs. Sam was far more grateful for his walk later in the day. But then, he sees me all the time. Perhaps he's hoping to make his getaway one of these days. Just as long as he doesn't try to go down anymore storm drains the hard way...

From there I went right to that dentist appointment. He used enough novocaine to numb a horse, which is how I like it. The last of my cavities has finally been plugged. Next up: teeth cleaning! These are the joys of neglecting your dentist for years while actively drinking copious amounts of sugary beer, followed by years of terror in sobriety realizing just how much pain I was in for when I finally did go to the dentist. It feels good to have this behind me. Brush your teeth and see your dentist regularly people! You've no idea...

As promised, when I came home from said dental visit I called the VW dealership and ordered my car. This is more impressive than it sounds. Remember how much novocaine the dentist gave me? Yeah, well the left side of my face didn't exist as far as I could tell, and that included my tongue. So I'm talking to the car dealer on the phone and I sound like Adam Sandler in The Waterboy, minus the Cajun accent. It's a wonder the guy took me seriously and processed my order! I explained the cause of my speech impediment and asked him to bear with me while I tried to enunciate for him. He laughed. I choose to believe he was laughing with me, not at me. The good news is that he's going to begin the search for my car in the morning; he says it usually only takes about 3-5 days. So hopefully by this time next week I'll have my new car!

I don't know where this week has gone. I haven't checked out any PF or IF submissions this week, and I'm feeling guilty. I've barely been home, or just too exhausted to view them all the way I normally do. If someone left a comment here for me on either of my submissions, I'll be sure to check out theirs. Beyond that I can't do it this week. I hate that.

Back to happy thoughts. House work progressing. Dental work complete. Car ordered.

Bed soon.

My Itinerary for the Day

I'm feeling productive. I ported all of our info and credits from our old cell phones to the new, then programmed my new cell the way I like it. I saw my therapist and left her office in a good mood. I wrote a treasury report for my AA group and then presented said report to group in our business meeting tonight. I recorded programs for friends. I've Done Stuff today.

Tomorrow, I get to take my mother's dog for a long walk. Without Mom here the dog gets only short walks to relieve herself; my siblings and Dad can't be bothered to really exercise her. Dad's health is in question, so he has an excuse. It seems he has developed Type II diabetes, though that hasn't been confirmed yet. It runs in his family, and in fact my (half-) brother Andrew was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes when he was 6. Anyway, Dad's not well and isn't up to walking Tyler just now. The two kids don't have legitimate excuses other than they're teens, which is really no excuse at all. That's ok, Tyler and I get along just fine. In case you hadn't noticed, I like dogs.

Afterwards, I have to go to the dentist. I am far less fond of dentists. However this should be my last painful visit, at least for a while. What will be my reward for this self-imposed but necessary torture?

I get to call the VW dealership in the afternoon and order my car! Now that's worth quite a lot of pain and aggravation, though I'll probably be talking funny and drooling all unawares out the left side of my mouth because of the novacaine. Good thing they won't be able to see me! Here's hoping all goes well. Perhaps someday I'll even start blogging about something other than My New Car...

A Better Day

Lovely day today. Randy and I went to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles and registered his truck. There was a manically chipper woman in pink that came up to us and started talking to us in mid-thought, as though we'd known her forever and had been talking for the last hour. Randy's mother is really outgoing; I told Randy this woman reminded me of his mother on crack. He had to agree. When we managed to hide from her we watched surreptitiously as she bounced around the room, telling everyone the history of her family and how they like to register their vehicles. I'm sure she's a very nice woman. She was just a bit too much for me.

Afterwards Randy and I headed over to Home Depot to start pricing building materials, choose light fixtures, discuss flooring options, that sort of thing. It's so much fun to plan these things together, though he would be perfectly happy to leave it all up to me. We found a new stove. This is a good thing because our old one died a couple of days ago. Randy went back for it later with his new truck while I was giving my sister a ride home from work. So the nasty 70's avocado green stove is now gone. In its place is a thoroughly modern white stove with flat ceramic top. We also bought a hood for it. The old stove didn't have one and there are grease stains on the walls and ceiling left by frying, etc. without an exhaust fan. As we have to have electrical work done anyway, we'll have the new hood installed at the same time. Progress, a little at a time.

Randy also bought us new cell phones because our old ones were dinosaurs. I'm trying to port our numbers from old phone to new and keep hitting stumbling blocks. Irritating but not insurmountable.

Now all I have to do is order my car. For logistical reasons it looks like Thursday's the day I'll make the call and put my deposit down. I'll pay off the rest when I pick up the car. In the meantime I get to start paying off the credit cards and what's left of my last student loan. Hopefully I can negotiate for better rates then.

Today was a better day.

Heat

This is for Leah who thought that adding a few colors to my Illustration Friday post would make it look like flames radiating heat. As it turns out all I had to do was use the negative of the image and tweak the hue/saturation a little. So this one's for you Leah! :0)

I spent part of the afternoon cleaning the interior of my husband's new truck as a surprise for him. It was in good shape, mostly just dusty from sitting by the road for a couple of weeks while it was for sale. Then I treated it with Armor All. Sadly, Randy didn't get home until after dark, so he hasn't seen it yet. Tomorrow. Which is good timing, as that's when he's registering it and it truly becomes his in the legal sense. It'll be nice to bring him home from registration to a shiny clean vehicle.

Afterwards I cleaned up and took Sam for his usual walk. About halfway through it something rather unnerving happened. We were walking along the forested/swampy part of the road when I became aware that something was stalking us in the woods. I could hear it moving alongside us, and I could tell that it was large by the sounds its steps made. I couldn't see it though, as there was far too much scrub. Knowing that you're supposed to make lots of noise in bear territory so that you don't startle it and precipitate an attack, that's what I did. I don't know if it was a bear or not, but whatever it was stopped moving and let us go. Creepy! Then Sam became excited by some scent and suddenly darted forward before I could stop him, right onto a storm drain. It was one of those drains with a metal grate over it, and it was covered with leaves so Sam never saw it. His two hind legs fell through the holes and I was terrified that he would struggle and break one or both of his legs before I could free him! Good dog that he is, he froze as soon as it happened and waited for me to help. I lifted him out, and he was perfectly fine. My wrist is killing me, but at least my baby is ok. Stupid storm drains! I hate them, ever since I read Stephen King's It...

So that was my exciting day. How was yours?

Illustration Friday-Cold

I had fun creating this one.

Photo Friday-Conspicuous

I believe I've posted this image somewhere on my blog a long time ago. However it stood out as the perfect image for this challenge. Besides, my mother borrowed my digital camera for her trip to Louisiana. Therefore using an older photo made sense.

Mothers

Tonight I took my mother to the airport. She's also a nurse and will be flying down to Louisiana to help out in that capacity. She had to wait until the temporary transfer of her nursing certification came through. She'll spend the next two weeks (using vacation time from work) at my aunt's house, volunteering her nursing services wherever needed. She's been so excited; she's wanted to go since Katrina hit. In an ironic twist, she's flying to Louisiana to help flood victims even as parts of our state are beginning to flood. The drive home was nerve-wracking as the rain pounded visibility to nil. There were spots on mountain roads where rivers or lakes above flooded and came pouring down the incline in torrents across the road. One car stalled out, the water was so deep. I took it easy and made it home in one piece. I have my mother's car while she's gone, which will be a great help. Dad (my ex-stepfather) is staying at Mom's house and taking care of the kids and pets. When Mom comes home, Dad (again, a nurse) is going down for two weeks as well. I'm so proud of them!

Anyway, I came home late from the airport. Randy was home and we were talking about this and that. We wound up having an argument and I'm still angry with him. I'm not going to get into it here; suffice it to say that the MIL was involved which only served to fuel the fire even more. I can't tell you how grateful I am that my exposure to her will be less for at least the next two weeks! She really needs to get out of my hair.

*taking those deep cleansing breaths that help so much*

Rainy Season

I sit here sipping my first cup of cocoa of the season. Lovely. It's been raining on and off for over a week. Floods everywhere, inspectors watching dams across the state, that sort of thing. The leaves have been changing and though scheduled to peak next week, many have already fallen under the steady onslaught of rain. It's chilly too, and I'm tempted to have a fire going in the fireplace. But the chimney hasn't been cleaned in years, so I'll sip my cocoa and feel cozy warm in my fleece pullover instead. The wind whipped my hair into my face and its cold blast pierced my fleece while walking Sam this evening. I loved it, and it made walking back into my house afterwards feel like a warm embrace.

Abe Vigoda is alive, and life is good.

Illustration Friday-Lost

I was running behind this week and won't be able to catch up, but I didn't want to let an Illustration Friday pass with no entry. So here is my (not so) clever submission for "Lost." Lame, I know. So let's have fun with this and take my lameness to a new level. What do you think was in this "lost" illustration? Anyone who gives me a simplistic response such as "the illustration" or "the image" will be banished into ignominy for being even more lame than I am.

Sorry, and I'll try harder next time...

The Dreaded MIL

Abe Vigoda is alive. I know because my new browser plugin told me so. Just thought I'd share that with you.

In other news, my MIL has been heavy-handedly implying lately that she thinks I need to find a job. I've got money coming in and no transportation yet, but she keeps bringing it up and hinting around it. Case in point, tonight she told me that she thinks I should be a maid. There's nothing wrong with being a maid, let me emphasize that. I was one when I was younger. However I want and am capable of more than that now. I don't know that she sees that in me. I once told her that I was thinking about being a social worker and she told me not to. That I couldn't handle it. That it would be bad for me. You know what? That's what people said when I told them I wanted to go to work at the school for the disabled kids where I not only worked but thrived for 4 years until I was injured. I was an assistant supervisor by the time I left there and one of their most trusted employees. I'm tired of people like her underestimating me. It really pisses me off! I don't care if she thinks I'm just being lazy now. Well, I do a little. She thought that when I was working full-time, too. I worked 8 hours on Fridays and 16 hour shifts on Saturdays and Sundays, leaving me Mon-Thurs. off each week. She couldn't understand why I didn't get a part-time job to fill up those days. "I'd go crazy sitting home all the time." she'd say to me as if I didn't work my butt off for 40 hrs. over the weekend. I sometimes suspect Randy works the 2 jobs just so he won't have to listen to her comments.

She is the Number 1 reason I can't wait much longer to get a car, as she is the one who has been chauffeuring me to doctor's appointments, etc. I suspect I'll like her again once there's more distance between us, because I'm getting fed up and have to take deep cleansing breaths every time I have to deal with her lately. I like her; I really do. Despite everything I've said here, she's a lovely woman who is very generous and I suspect very lonely. I need to remind myself of this when she's getting under my skin, and I'm looking forward to a time when I won't be so sensitive to her comments. I came to you to complain because I don't want to nag Randy about his mother. He never nags about mine.

The good news is that I've been talking to the VW dealer and while it seems the 2005 Jettas are sold out, the 2006 Jettas are available now at no additional cost! So yippee skippy, I'll have that beloved and much needed new car soon, perhaps even in the next couple of weeks! Randy signs the mortgage papers later today and we'll have the funds by Monday at the latest. VW will be my first stop.

Guess this means that I won't have to steal one of my neighbor's horses after all...

Photo Friday-Five

Can you figure out why I chose this photo for "Five?" Anyway, my uncle and his wife bought a house and are remodelling it. This was taken in their lime green kitchen, a color they plan to alter. In the meantime, it made a bright backdrop for this photo!

He Dug Down Deep

Most of us have felt humiliated at some time or other, perhaps so much so that we wished the ground would open up and swallow us whole. I've just stumbled across* a bit of trivia about a man- 41 yr. old Romanian Cornel Pasat- who decided to be proactive about the thing. It seems that he decided he couldn't face people after his girlfriend broke up with him, so he dug a 30' hole in his livingroom and lives at the bottom of it, naked. His family lowered necessities down to him and emptied his waste bucket for a year before finally calling the authorities for help. It seems he's perfectly content down there and still doesn't want to come up.

Where to begin with this one?

*My source was Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader. They list their source as The Dispatch in South Africa.

Change of Plans

I'd like to start out by thanking all of you for your support and encouragement. It meant a great deal and helped cheer me up again. I felt a little better when I woke up, and almost normal now. Or as close to normal as I come. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I appreciate the way you reached out.

Now I must let some (all?) of you down. I heard from Honda today regarding the 2006 Civic Hybrid. As I feared, the price has gone up. Randy needs to buy a vehicle as well. Normally he buys himself a wreck that is just good enough to get him to and from work, or for running errands locally. However a neighbor has a pickup truck in excellent condition. He wants $4500 for it, which was more than Randy was planning to spend. It's beautiful though, almost mint. Randy deserves a good vehicle and I talked him into buying it. But every penny we spend on a car/truck comes out of the money set aside for necessary home repairs. Ultimately it's more important to me to fix up my house than to buy my dream car. I didn't want Randy to feel guilty for buying the more expensive truck- because he would have!- so when he came home from work today I told him I no longer wanted the hybrid. I'm going with Plan B: a new VW Jetta. It's an excellent car and, as I'm not planning on loading it with options, it comes in at about $5000 less than the new hybrid would. It comes loaded with standard features that I would have to pay more for on most other vehicles, such as side curtain airbags. So while it wasn't my first choice, I won't cry while I'm driving it either! My brother is green with envy. Apparently I'm buying the exact car he's been wanting. Just another perk of being an older sibling I guess! *G*

If Plan B fails, Plan C is a Mazda3s. Failing that, I'm buying a horse and calling it a day.

This Should Come With A Warning

It's raining again. It's been drizzling and raining all day. It was with great reluctance that I dragged my unwilling body out of bed today. My head was pounding because my sinuses were once more rebelling against the allergens I call Sam, Wheezy and Patches. I stumbled blindly into the bathroom and took something for it, which helped a little. Then I made my bed and started my day.

The truth of the matter is that today was just one of my Bad Days. I take my medications properly and try to take care of myself, but even so depression will creep in sometimes. I have been fighting off tears all day. Sometimes I'm just sad and I don't know why. All I want to do is climb back in bed and let the tears come. Instead I've blogged, researched cars, watched tv and spent time with Randy and our friend Leo. That perked me up for a little while tonight, but then I received a phone call from someone and I came crashing down again. As I write this I feel the return of the headache and sadness. It will pass; it always does. Randy's presence helps. When he sees me like this he folds me in his arms and holds me, and the fears and self-doubt slip away for a time. His loving acceptance of me helps at least as much as my lithium. I'm lucky that way.

I'm rambling now and barely know what I'm saying, beyond:

I'm sad, and I felt the need to acknowledge that.

Leave It To You

Now after my last post some of you have been wondering what crimes I might have committed. So I'll tell you:

This one time, at band camp...

Honestly, do you really think anyone as pure and sweet and innocent as your Aravis would get into mischief? What could I have possibly done...?

*blink blink*

Searching, Losing and Finding

So I've hit a snag with the 2005 hybrid. It seems that nobody has any in stock, nor can anymore be ordered. The 2006 Civic Hybrid is due to be released soon, and it looks even more gorgeous than the 2005. Randy told me that even if there's a price increase, I can still have it. But for me, that depends on just how big the increase is, if any. We really need to save money for home renovations. I emailed the Honda dealer about the projected cost and availability, so hopefully I'll have some answers tomorrow. I can't wait months for the 2006 to be available though; I need a car as soon as possible. I'll keep you posted.

In happier news, I found a necklace that I lost last week. It was my favorite, given to me by my mother, and I was really upset. Last Friday I was helping out at a fundraiser and realized after I got home that the necklace was gone. I trekked all over the property where the fundraiser took place. Though I searched, I couldn't find it anywhere. There's a lot of grassy areas between buildings, and it was as if the necklace was swallowed up. I had given up hope of finding it. Then today I saw my brother, who had given me a ride that day, and he told me that he found the necklace in his car last Friday night and had given it to our sister to hold onto for me, knowing as they both did that I was looking for it. Being teens, it never entered either of their lovely little pea brains to call and tell me they had it so I could stop worrying! Oh well. I know Ashley has it now, safe and sound.

On another note, I believe I left my own wee mind on vacation judging by the number of typos I left in comments last night. As I re-read what I wrote here and there today, I cringed. Oh well, there's worse crimes I could have committed.

But then, who is to say I didn't commit them? *G*

Illustration Friday-Float

For some reason this image was the first to spring to mind when I read the word "Float" for this week's topic. It's whatever you choose to make of it, I suppose.

Cleaning the Car

I cleaned out my old car today, a sad experience. It wasn't my first car, but it was the first car I ever picked out for myself. All of my previous cars were hand-me-downs. But my sporty little compact car in silver and black? That was my choice. It was only a year old when we bought it, so that makes it the newest car I ever owned as well. My Greta took her last ride in it, and the back seats are covered in old muddy prints and dog fur shed by her and Sam on our many rides. I tried several times to clean the mud and the fur, but with no real success. This despite the fact that I had thrown a blanket down in back for their rides. Dogs, like children, will make a mess no matter how many precautions you take.

That car took Randy and I on vacation to and from Tennessee 3 times, Niagara Falls once, on countless trips to Cape Cod and New Jersey to visit relatives, and thousands of miles right here closer to home. Randy had given me a remote car starter for Christmas a few years ago which afforded me endless pleasure in the winter. My coworkers tramped out in a blizzard to start their cars while I sipped tea by the window and started my engine with the push of a button. Though they knew it was coming, my coworkers would jump every time my car suddenly started next to them. They would come back in, stamp off the snow, look me in the eye and say "Bitch." I would grin happily back at them and take another sip of my tea. I don't know if I will be able to use a remote car starter with my hybrid. If not, I can't help but feel my life will be a little bit the worse for it. *G*

I know I'm going to love my new car when I get it. But that's a couple of weeks away, and in the meantime the shell of my old car sits in my driveway, waiting to be towed away to the junkyard. Absolutely nothing happens when I turn the key in the ignition now. No ticking or whirring or vibrating or anything. The key might as well not have been turned at all. Sad sad sad. But all things must come to an end. My old car will be recycled however it may, and the new car will take its place and start generating new experiences, new memories-to-be.

I think, perhaps, I am a little too sentimental.

Responses Out Of Place

Arg! I can't talk to half of you tonight because Blogger is down for maintenance. It's over 4 hours past the time they said they'd be done, but there you have it. I have lots of wonderful things to say to you all, and now it's lost.

Not really. I'll just share my thoughts with you here.

SwissToni- I hated that Day Before Work Starts Again feeling. And I miss the presence of other bloggers on weekends, too.

Fox- I hope Ka and Lord Bargain have a wonderful time when they meet in person. I've met online people in real life before, and it's pretty cool. It's also a little nerve-wracking. Will they like me when they really meet me? Will I like them?. But overall not to be missed if you've gotten to know the person. I think Ka and LB will have a great time, and I can't wait to hear from them.

Leah- Knowing that you may not be able to read this, but trying anyway: He's been on your mind a lot lately. It's understandable. You'll be okay. I'm willing to bet Jenni has the right words of wisdom for you on this one.

FaerieWizard has posted 10 sarcastic responses to 10 assertions against gay marriage. Very funny. Yes, I could have posted a comment on his site as he doesn't use Blogger. However I chose to share it here with you instead. *G*

John- Congratulations on finishing your paper ahead of time. Let me know how it was received. I have every confidence you'll do well!

And that's everyone who wrote a new Blogger post since the last time I looked. May Blogger return in much better shape than when it went in for repairs!

Photo Friday-Darkness

I'm not afraid to traverse my house in the dark. But this darkness- the crawlspace under our house- you couldn't pay me to enter!

Question for You

If you were to write a novel, what would the first sentence be?

Good News

I haven't wanted to talk about it too much for fear of jinxing it, but Randy and I applied for a mortgage and today we learned that we were approved! We're going to pay off the credit cards and fix up the house. But first, I get to buy a new car. I'm still shopping around a little, but I've more or less decided to buy myself a Honda Civic Hybrid.

I'm very excited.

The home improvement plans will have to wait until Spring now. It is a very bad idea, I believe, to have gaping holes in the side of one's home in the middle of a New England Winter, for example. Hopefully in the intervening time we can get organized and hire workers who will actually show up and do the job. I realize this last is a bit of a pipe dream rather than a realistic goal, but you get the idea.

I feel some stress lifting, and that's so nice.