In Katrina's Wake

One of my aunts lives in Baton Rouge and is a nurse in a nursing home. They just took in over 150 patients and staff from a New Orleans nursing home. Most of the refugee staff have learned that they've lost everything and many are worried about loved ones left behind and out of reach. The Baton Rouge contingent are helping to scrounge basic supplies for them in addition to the refugee patients. Baton Rouge keeps losing power and their hospital, while running on a generator, lost their air conditioning. It's over 95 degrees and the place is so crowded people are sleeping on the floors, which are wet from the humidity and slippery as a result. My aunt is working 12 hour shifts, as are the other nurses and staff. Conditions aren't ideal, but at least they're alive. Here's what she wrote about New Orleans:

Although the eye of Katrina passed just to the east of NO [New Orleans], the city itself is a total disaster. They have brought in thousands of body bags because they believe there are uncounted numbers of dead in the city, but right now they are just focusing primarily on rescue. The worst part of it started today or late yesterday when levees caved in flooding the city in fathoms of water in many areas. It's a mess. Nearby Biloxi got hit very hard as well, although floods were not as much of an issue as they were in NO which is in large part below sealevel, kind of like a shallow bowl. The main route into or out of the city, I-10, had broken apart in big chunks--a good portion of it crosses water. I-10 is also the main east-west route through southern LA connecting between TX and MI. The Causeway Bridge which cuts across huge Lake Ponchartrain (I think the bridge is 26 miles long) from N.O., heading north, is damaged and flooded in places and closed. New Orleans main street (Canal Street) looks like a canal--it's full of water, and the French Quarter--the main tourist area--is almost unrecognizable. Buildings have been blown out as if hit by shock waves from a bomb. It's a true disaster area.

News broadcasts from New Orleans aren't good. One man told of being washed up into the attic of his house, where he kicked out a wall and climbed out. He wedged himself between his house and the tree that grew right next to it in order to avoid being swept away. He was there for almost 6 hours. Another man wept while recounting his story. He was trying to pull his wife out of the flood waters to safety but their hands were slipping. She looked up at him, told him she loved him and asked him to take care of their children. Then she let go of his hand and was washed away. I'm sure there are thousands of stories, both tragic and miraculous.

For now it would seem the best way to help is via the Red Cross.

New Addiction

Being a woman of a certain age (34) and taking daily medications (synthroid and lithium) that affect how my mind and body operate, my doctor has ordered me to start taking extra calcium. At first this was an ugly command. I hate taking pills, and this was yet another I would have to take at least once a day. I bought some, and the pills were roughly the size of a horse pill. Choking twice daily doesn't fit into my plans, so I discarded that bottle and went back to the friendly neighborhood pharmacy to have another stab at it. After scrutinizing all the labels I chose another brand, one which advertised "New Smaller Pills!" Well alright then! That's just what I need. Only when I got them home, they were only fractionally smaller than the ones before. I decided to take a different tack this time and go with Viactiv chocolatey chewables. They were absolutely delicious, and pulled my fillings out.

Who knew taking a supplement could be this much of a challenge? "Can osteoporosis be so bad?" I began to wonder. But being persistent and having a touch of OCD, I decided to give the matter one last go. Back to the pharmacy I went (if I don't own stock in it yet, I really should...) and did something a little differently. I waited until the pharmacist wasn't busy, and asked for his recommendation. His assistant, through whom I had to go to get the pharmacist's attention, was a real snot bag. I can't stand that woman; she's simply never pleasant. However he couldn't have been kinder or more patient with me. He came out to the calcium display, read several labels and wound up handing me a large bottle of Caltrate chewables. These aren't the chewy kind. Instead they remind me a lot of Flintstone's chewables or baby aspirin. Come to think of it, "chewable baby aspirin" is a bit of a misnomer, don't you think? Real babies can't chew. So who are they marketing it for really? But that's beside the point. My point is the pharmacist found me some tasty chewable calcium and I am happy.

Now my only problem is that they're like candy to me. I'm only to take them twice daily, and I'm good about that. But I find myself looking forward to my next treat, wondering what flavor I'll get and wondering if it would really hurt to take 3 instead of 2. Bear in mind that these are just calcium tablets, not an addictive narcotic substance. And they're good, but they're not that good for pete's sake! Put a new "treat" in my life and see how I behave. Shameful! It's a good thing I stayed away from drugs when I was an active alcoholic!

But they are tasty, even if they are only calcium. *G*

Andrew, and The Matrix Movies

I finished the card for my brother. I found a photo of him staring up at his girlfriend* with a silly look on his face, and copied and pasted his head into my drawing. When you open the card, the photo of him smiling with a lemon in his mouth is on the inside. My brother is actually a good-looking kid, but you couldn't tell from this shot. Hey, what are older sisters for? *G*

Now, on a completely different topic, I finally watched The Matrix movies. Yes, yes, I know. But I don't like fads and I don't like hype, so it can take years for me to read or watch something this insanely popular. I probably still wouldn't have watched them, but I caught the first couple of minutes of The Matrix on cable the other night, and it piqued my curiosity in a way nothing had before. So I rented the movies. Overall, I really liked them. The storyline was original and sometimes thought-provoking. The special effects were, of course, cool. But I knew that already, having seen how they've been used ever since. I really only have 1 complaint. The fight and chase scenes in the second movie were interminable! In the scene where the Oracle has just left Neo and he meets up with the new Smith for the first time, I was ready to cry with frustration because they dragged that scene out for so long. Unfortunately, that was only the first of the major fight scenes, and they were all over-done. And the freeway chase scene! On and on and on and on and on and on. Like that. I thought the movie would have been vastly improved if all of those scenes had been cut in half. I don't mind the fights or the chase, just the length. I found myself muttering "Yes, yes, I know you can do really cool special effects. But I've already seen that move three times in this scene alone. Can we get on with it already?" Other than that, I thought it was a great transitional piece. The third movie was much better than the second. It's as if they realized they had nothing to prove and settled down, allowing for better pacing. I'm definitely glad I finally broke down and watched them.

*My brother is not dating a girl twice his height; he's seated and she was standing when I took the photo.

UPDATE

While writing up my post, I had a sudden brainstorm and redid my brother's card. His girlfriend, Cat, loves rock climbing and goes with her dad. So I painted this in with PSP and re-printed the card. This is what Drew will be getting instead, though Cat's face is not obscured in the real one, of course. I hesitated to put her face on the internet without her permission, so I colored over it here:

Anniversary and Birthday

Yesterday was our anniversary and I didn't feel like writing a blog post, so I didn't. It was a lovely day though. Patches tried to eat the flowers Randy brought me. Wheezy tried to eat the ribbon on the balloon that came with the flowers. Sam tried to keep Randy and I apart, believing as he does that Randy is attacking poor defenseless me.

*snort*

Anyway, today was my brother's 19th birthday. I spoke with him, but he's decided not to celebrate until Monday night for some reason. So I guess we'll get together then. I'm designing a birthday card for him, something involving a sketch of him snowboarding paired with a cropped photo I have of him making a face with a lemon wedge in his mouth. Still working out the details. Money to be tucked inside, as he has tons of things he wants to do or buy but never has the cash for. He's been working as a house painter all summer though- the first full-time job he's held- and is finally learning to stand on his own financially. Now if we could only teach him to save some of that money rather than spend it right away! *G*

Happy Birthday Andrew!

Survived Surgery

Between her surgery and recovery time, we were at the hospital for 10 hours. I tried to convince them to perform a full frontal lobotomy on her while she was under, but they refused. Then I learned I was going to have to hang around an extra 5 hours because she had to lay flat on her back and not move her legs for most of that time. So I asked if we couldn't just put a bicycle helmet on her head, strap her onto a gurney and hook her up to the back of her car so that I could just tow her home? Sure, it would be pretty scary for her at first, but somewhere over steep Avon Mountain I'm sure she'd pass out from fear and sleep for the rest of the ride.

Again, no go. Funny rules these hospital people have. Towards the end when they started walking her up and down the halls, I warned them to put a muzzle on her but they didn't listen. This, they confessed later, was a mistake. They said they should have muzzled her after all. They didn't say why, and I decided I just didn't want to know.

BTW, she came through her surgery with flying colors and didn't even need pain meds. Although aspirin might have been in order, after a day spent with me as her moral support. *G*

Stewing

No time to blog tonight really. I have to be up at 6am to drive a friend to the hospital for scheduled surgery. The drive is 1 hour, but she is convinced it's a two hour drive and insists we leave at 7am for her 9am appt. I hate mornings, so am feeling a bit miffed over this lost hour of sleep. I am unable to fall asleep earlier just because I need to, so this increases my irritability.

Also grumpy because I suspect worker's comp is screwing me out of my vocational re-education. They've left me hanging. Meanwhile I need money and want to work, but even if I can find a job with my limitations around here, I have no car to get to work and no money for a new car. There's absolutely no public transportation. So

no job=no money=no car
no car=no job=no money

I would kick something, like my couch, but then I might break something.

broken something=needed repair=money to pay for repair.

Grrr.

The Role I Should Have Turned Down?

Once upon a time, I played Melisande in Pelleas and Melisande. Originally an opera, this was adapted and performed as a play without music. Except for one song, which I had to sing. It wasn't one of the songs from the opera and initially I was relieved, not having been trained as an opera singer. Instead, this song was written by the director and was to be sung in a dreamy, sing-songy sort of way. Having had to learn it, it has stayed with me. Nothing wrong with that in the ordinary turn of events. However you haven't seen the lyrics yet. Let me share them with you now:

Far, far away little unicorns play
Under skies that are cloudless and blue
Unicorns, unicorns I too am sad and forlorn!
Oh unicorns I hear you sing your songs and far
Away the breezes bear it sadly along.
Oh unicorns, unicorns.

Calling to me.
Across the sea.

Sing and I will surely hear you
And be near you!

Far, far away little unicorns play
Under skies that are cloudless and blue....

At which point I was mercifully interrupted and not, as one might imagine, by someone whose ears were bleeding. Talk about your lousy earworms!

Come to think of it, I accidentally flashed a breast at the audience during that performance as well when the actor who was weeping over my dead body pulled on my dress in his grief, sliding a slit in the bodice right over the breast and exposing it. He was oblivious, addressing most of his self-inflicted sorrow (he killed me in a jealous rage) to my feet for some reason, and as a corpse I couldn't exactly move to correct the problem myself. I managed to whisper to the actor when he bent his head close enough, and he fixed the dress during his next wave of anguish. I don't think too many people saw, though, other than the actor and the lighting guy on the rafters overhead. *LOL*

This was performed in a small blackbox theater at my university. In an earlier scene my character cavalierly tosses her wedding ring in the air and loses it when it falls in the water. In our case, the watery area was the space immediately around the stage spilling- if you'll excuse the pun- into the audience area. During one performance, I tossed the ring as usual only to have it thrown back at me by a helpful audience member! *G* I believe I picked it up and tossed it again, closer to the stage this time in order to avoid a repeat. That's the thing about the theater; it's live and you have to be ready for anything.

I miss it sometimes, but really don't want to return to it.

Illustration Friday-Reflection

My mood turned ugly somewhere around my fifth attempt at an illustration for this week's topic. It was another of those times when my fingers refused to draw the benign images in my mind. As more time passed, those lovely and tranquil images became less, well, lovely and tranquil. This is what I wound up with instead. Now, before you worry I can assure you it was drawn from imagination only. There was no knife before me as my mood turned foul. Also, this was originally colored many delightful colors. Ok. It had color, some of which might have been bright. However in the end I decided that I liked it better in greyscale. It was moodier, like myself.

Should sunshine and rainbows return in a timely manner, I might attempt a happier illustration. But I wouldn't count on it.

Over to you...

Photo Friday-One

Though it might perhaps seem corny or trite to some, this is what I chose for my Photo Friday submission. This Friday will mark the 10 year anniversary of our marriage and I wanted to honor that this week. After all this time (12 years if you include the two years leading up to our wedding), we still not only love one another but like one another as well.

He's still my best friend.

Quick Political Lesson

Another funny, globally-minded forward

Lesson In Political Science
(no animals were maimed or killed during any part of this test)

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really
have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the better looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one better
accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure o ut how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tells you which one you
think is the better-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Mosaic

I've only just completed Mosaic by Soheir Khashoggi. It's the story of Dina Ahmad, a Lebanese-American (emphasis on American) woman who comes home from work one day only to discover that her husband has absconded with their two younger children (twins) to his homeland of Jordan. He left their older son behind because Jordy is gay and therefore "unnatural" in his father's eyes. Karim Ahmad took the twins in order to keep them from lapsing into immoral American ways as their brother had, in Karim's opinion. He also worried for their safety in a post-9/11 America, especially when his youngest son is beaten up at school for being an Arab. Karim genuinely feels he is doing the right thing for his children, and lets Dina know she is free to visit any time she likes. But he will never return them to her. Dina tries every legal avenue with the support of her friends and family, but is unable to find anyone able to help her. So she starts to explore illegal channels instead...

This was a fast-paced and gripping story. It continuously flowed smoothly even as it veered from one character's perspective to another's. Dina's growing understanding and acceptance of the collapse of her marriage and the mistakes she had made as a mother at times were interesting to watch unfold, as were her efforts to reach out to Jordy, to let him know that she loved and accepted him no matter what. In dealing with her husband and in-laws she showed admirable restraint for the sake of her children under incredibly stressful and often infuriating circumstances, not the least of which was living with Karim and his family while she plotted with others to get her children back from him.

This book kept me glued to its pages in a way other books I've read recently have not. I'm now determined to get my hands on Khashoggi's next novel which was recently released: Nadia's Song.

Greeting Card Illustrations

I have spent a lot of time lately working on illustrations for the greeting card project I'm working on with a friend. It's easy to come up with things for the Alcohol/Drug Recovery field. It's even easy coming up with ideas for bereaved pet owners. I must admit that I am having trouble actually drawing most of the latter concepts though, especially the ones for dog owners. For while of course the healing process began several months ago for me, I still miss Greta. She was a big part of my life for the last ten years and so my mind still goes to her whenever we're doing something I know she would have loved. Or sometimes when I leave the remote control within easy reach of her teeth because she's no longer there to decimate it. I no longer have to put whatever I'm drinking up on the bookcase if I'm leaving the room for a moment. Yes, she was a brat. But she followed me everywhere I went and laid down at my feet. When I was sick and needed to sleep on the couch, she would sleep on my legs. When I was sad, she comforted me. If I have one regret, it's that I wish I was more patient with her. Like most dogs, she made the better friend.

I'm sorry, I became sidetracked. Working on these cards hurts a little. But it teaches me that I can feel, I can love, I can express compassion and I can do better next time.

The illustration above was done in pastels, a medium I've been experimenting with lately for the first time. What do you think?

Behaving Better, Dreaming Oddly

Thanks, everyone, for wishing me well. The headache and its physical side effects have abated, leaving me feeling foggy but improved.

There's a full moon overhead tonight. Normally this would elicit odd behaviour on my part. Having been unwell for a couple of days however, there are no noticeable changes in conduct except perhaps for improvements. This must, of course, be a great relief to Randy and the pets. I've already informed Randy that I no longer feel the need to divorce him for breathing in the same room as myself. Having had no idea that this was even on my mind, he was a bit startled by this proclamation. In the end though he chose to be amused by it. I really should have painted his portrait for last week's Illustration Friday subject: Wisdom.

I'll leave you with this. Last night I dreamt that a character actor from the 50's or 60's- whose name completely eludes me- bumped into me while shopping and informed me that I was layering my nail polish on too thickly. I should wear thinner layers of polish to match the natural way I wear my make-up. I thanked him for this observation, agreeing that he was right.

I rarely wear nail polish in real life, and never think of that particular actor except when he pops up while watching old movies.

Bizarre.

Reader Participation

Here you go. Fill in the blank. Or not, if like me you kind of find it accurate as is. What is Bush thinking?

Side Effect of a Headache

As long as I sit perfectly still, my head doesn't feel as though it was about to split open. This has been going on all day. Ibuprofen helps me function, but I really need Tylenol Sinus. I found some in a drawer, but it's out-dated by almost two years, so no joy. This headache has put me in a nasty mood, which I hate. I think I snarled at Randy more than I talked to him tonight. If he touched me in passing, I found myself wondering what I had ever seen in him in the first place.

I'm simply not a nice person when I don't feel well.

Now, if I'm really sick I'm meek as can be. I'm terribly feeble and do as I'm told. But if I'm not flat out sick- and I'm not at the moment- I'm just plain unpleasant. I'll have to be super nice to everyone I came in contact with today when I'm feeling better to make up for it. Which in my current mood makes me grit my teeth, however it's The Right Thing To Do.

Illustration Friday-Wisdom

What's On My Mind Tonight?

I have just spent an hour playing with colors at Sherwin-Williams. Fascinating. Well, if you're mentally re-decorating the house it is. It allows you to select a room in a house, then choose from various layouts to find the one closest to your own. Finally you choose the colors you'd like to try and "paint" the room! It took a great deal of will-power to drag myself away from this toy.

My spirits are a little low this week. This time last year I was on my dream vacation to Alaska. Instead I sit in this sweltering heat playing with paint samples. Not so much fun as Alaska, but I'm afraid it will have to do until my vacation to Williamsburg, VA. next month.

On the positive side, I now like my new look. I was initially reluctant to change, but now that I've finished I'm pleased with the results. I've known for a long time that I needed to make some adjustments and in the end, everything turned out nicely. I even taught myself how to create a drop-down menu without any help, so am feeling pretty proud of myself!

As I was reading blogs tonight I came across a post I'd like to share with you. Bridgesitter wrote a moving post regarding Cindy Sheehan, the mother who has camped out by Bush's Texas ranch until he explains to her what the noble purpose was that her son died for in Iraq. The post also mentions Kevin Benderman, a soldier currently in prison for trying to register as a conscientious objector rather than return to Iraq. Check it out.

A Gunked-Up Mind

I believe it's Toyota that is airing commercials with a soft rock version of "What do you do with a drunken sailor?" playing in the background. Is this really wise? What message are they trying to send?

I created a test blog and for the past couple of days have been working on the changes you now see here. I've tried a million different color schemes, but as I really liked the one I had I came up with the closest one to it. All of this thinking left my mind spinning off into a fog, which left me vulnerable. Last night I caught the very beginning of Peter Benchley's The Creature. From that moment on it was like trying to drive past a train wreck: you don't want to see the carnage but you can't quite look away. Not that the onscreen blood-bath was so disturbing. I'm referring to the piss-poor plot and the sorry acting by most involved. I have to say that in the end I was rooting for The Creature, ridiculous thing that it was. As the saying goes, that's 3 hours of my life that I'll never get back.

Then tonight as I was getting ready to turn off the t.v. and come blog like a good little blogger should, Deep Blue Sea came on. I figured that since I watched a crappy genetically-altered shark movie last night, I might as well watch one tonight. At least this one was more plausible than Benchley's. Last night's doctors were interested in finding a cure for cancer; tonight it was about a cure for Alzheimer's. I have to say that I liked the outcome of Deep Blue Sea much better than The Creature. The two characters I liked the most managed to survive. There are some really (intentionally) funny moments in it, as opposed to a mutant shark stalking its victims while hiding in a tree (last night's fare). What was Benchley thinking???

My mind must be recuperating from its design overload now. Anaconda was just on, and I didn't feel compelled to watch it. I'm making progress.

Still Working

I'm still working on the site; this is not the final product. I have to stop for now until later tonight...

Photo Friday-Violet

Skirt, Cards and a Movie

Sitting in my meeting last night, in a foul mood, I was staring off into space when the man sitting next to me spilled his coffee in my lap. As luck would have it, I was wearing my white peasant skirt for only the second time. Did I get angry? Did I rage at the hapless man?

Nope.

I laughed, got some paper towels to clean up the mess and comforted the poor guy who was beside himself over what he had done. In fact, it turned my mood right around and I was quick to smile the rest of the night. Funny how that can happen.

I've spent today puzzling over some ideas for greeting cards. A friend wants to collaborate with me on a couple of niche markets- alcohol/drug recovery and loss of pets- and I've been tossing around ideas. Though obviously I could write them, I'm leaving that to her. I'm responsible for photos and illustrations. I've started sketching out a couple of ideas. I know I've sunk my teeth into an idea when, no matter who I'm speaking with or what I'm watching, my mind keeps wandering back to The Project. It's cool, but can also be a nuisance. For example, I was watching The Upside of Anger with Randy tonight. In one scene, Kevin Costner's character was opening up about his past to Joan Allen. I don't think I heard but a couple of words of it. I was mentally choosing colors for one of the illustrations. Annoying!

I did manage to pay attention to most of the movie though, and it was really good! The underlying plot line is dramatic, but most of the movie is pretty funny.

Photo Friday-Complexity

Teenagers in love during their final year of school. They've been together for almost two years, but can their love withstand the separation of college? They try to be level-headed and mature, mutually agreeing to break-up at the end of the year so as not to hold each other back. But anyone looking at them can see how crazy they are about each other, and how they dread the time when they'll have to go their own ways.

Then again, who knows what their futures hold?

Illustration Friday-Empty

Where did this photo go? Or is it merely waiting for a new one? Either way, this space is empty...

Frustrated

Zzzz

That's what my mind is doing tonight. I have spent several fruitless hours on my Illustration Friday submission. I say "fruitless" because I'm just not satisfied. Most of my initial ideas have been done in some form or other, and I'm not wild about my remaining concepts. I have been working on one of them, and I just don't like it. At least, not yet. I'm feeling pretty foul as a result, so I think I'll pack it in for the night.

Have a great day, everyone!

The Birthday and The Lie

Thanks everyone for your birthday wishes for Ashley! We all had a wonderful time today and the only casualties were the rejected clothes in the dressing rooms of the stores she dragged us to this morning! *G* I can't complain though. I finally found the brown suede calf-boots that I've been looking for. Also some new books. Shopping done we returned home where Mom and I cooked a nice birthday supper for her. We had salmon, steak, home-fried potatoes, green beans, corn and salad. The veggies came from a local farm down the road from their house. Everything was delicious! Various family members came over and we had a great time. I found candles for her cake that looked like brightly-colored sandals, which she thought were really cool. I just love that we're all getting along. Unfortunately, I forgot to grab my camera this morning when I left the house, so no pictures. This is unfortunate since I am the one who takes photos of these family events to share with other family members scattered across the states. Oh well.

Now, before I sign off for the night:

The lie was #62. I have never owned a horse. I've always wanted one, though. In my little-girl fantasy he was black and I'd name him Necromancer. I didn't know at the time what that word meant; it just sounded cool. I told an uncle what I wanted to name the horse and he burst out laughing. He thought I'd said Neck Romancer! After that I started considering other names. Sadly, I never had a chance to use any of them.

So that was my lie.

Commitment Kept

Happy Birthday to my baby sister, Ashley! She's fifteen today. I'm spending the day with my family. We get along, so there shouldn't be any ritual blood-letting.

That was a joke.

Tonight I was the speaker at another AA meeting. A couple of friends picked me up and brought me over. We arrived early, so the three of us went to a nearby state park for a walk. It was pretty and it was a good way to burn off some of my nerves. Not all of them, though. I try not to think about what I'm going to say ahead of time. It never does any good; I always forget it all anyway. People in the program believe that you end up saying what you're supposed to. Some say they clear their minds before they speak, stand up and just let whatever thoughts come to them flow as they speak. This is what I usually do.

But what do you do if you stand up, introduce yourself, and your mind goes completely blank? Ah, this was the case for me tonight. I started haltingly, forcing myself to speak, to summarize my life for this room full of people. It's easy once I begin, but so difficult to start sometimes! In the end all went well, as it always does. It's fun to learn from the past, and to laugh over it with those who understand.

On another note, I'm playing around with the header. I may switch back, I may keep changing it around. Feel free to comment, or not.

The 23rd Sigh

I'm tired tonight after a day spent at a craft fair with a friend, followed by an evening with my family. It was a good day, but now I'm too tired to think. So here's another email from a friend. I really enjoyed this one:

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national
forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international
disgrace for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of
pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control,
they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the
presence of thy religion.
Thou annointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall
follow me all the days of thy term,
And my jobless child shell dwell in my basement forever.

My 99 Truths and a Lie

I've enjoyed reading others' lists, so I made one of my own. It wasn't easy!

1. My first bed was a cardboard box.
2. After I turned 12, I dreamed every night for a year that I drowned after turning 13, though I’m an excellent swimmer. Shortly after turning 13, I was rescued from drowning in the ocean, and the dreams stopped.
3. At the same age, I jumped the fence between my school and the horse ranch next to it. This pasture was sheltered from the view of the ranch house, so I’d catch a horse and ride it bareback. I continued to do this until I was caught by the owner.
4. Down the road were fully furnished model homes which were never locked. I used to go there and choose a house and pretend it was mine.
5. I’m allergic to ant bites. They give me a rash.
6. I started reading when I was 5. At 8, I was reading Orwell’s Animal Farm.
7. My math skills are nonexistent.
8. I was a tomboy. I would rather climb a tree than play with Barbie.
9. I began acting when I was in kindergarten, playing the little red hen in The Little Red Hen. My mother still has a picture of this. You will not be seeing it.
10. I drank away opportunities to act professionally. I don’t know if I was more afraid of failure, or of success.
11. I’m terrified of rats, due to repeated nightmares when I was younger.
12. I still miss the theater sometimes.
13. My first car was a Chevy Cavalier which I only drove once.
14. I once ran naked around the outside of my house at 2AM on a snowy winter’s night simply because my husband forbid me to do it, and I was drunk.
15. My favorite color is green. I don’t have a favorite number. I hate numbers.
16. Other than rats, there are very few animals I don’t love.
17. My first pet was a fluffy white rabbit named Snowball. Dogs scared him to death.
18. My next pet was a gerbil named Thumbelina. She died of old age.
19. I‘m not afraid of dying. I am, however, afraid of how I might die.
20. For my 5th birthday my mother took me to the Museum of Natural History in New York. A paleontology professor and students were so impressed that I could identify all the dinosaurs that they invited me behind the ropes to touch the T-Rex.
21. Cheesecake is my favorite dessert.
22. I could happily move into The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
23. I was engaged once before Randy. It ended badly.
24. Marrying Randy was the best thing I’ve ever done, bar none.
25. I think Randy is certifiable for marrying me.
26. My uncle once had dinner with Tom Petty . He lived in the apartment next to Tom’s and complained about the noise when Petty and friends played at night. Petty invited my uncle over to apologize.
27. Blogging has helped me enormously, with the bonus of introducing me to you all.
28. It feels good to laugh and smile again. I didn’t know if I would be able.
29. I don’t like people who are Too Perfect; they set my teeth on edge.
30. I like flawed people who can admit it and laugh or work on it. I hope I am this type of person.
31. I think the one who is Too Perfect is really Flawed but can’t admit it or let it show.
32. I hate talking on the telephone.
33. I love Not Another Teen Movie. I have seen the movies it spoofed and thoroughly enjoyed both the originals and the parody.
34. I don’t have a favorite movie. With me, most things go by moods. This is why I don’t have favorite book, movie, outfit, etc. It all depends on my mood on any given day.
35. If I could afford it, I would hire someone to do my gardening for me. I like the effect, but I hate bugs and poison ivy.
36. The wolf is my favorite wild animal. This does not go by moods.
37. I love Native American arts and crafts.
38. I hate it when I don’t feel heard, or when I feel ignored. I feel pushed aside and small when this happens.
39. I miss ice skating. I went often when I lived in Dallas (which has many indoor rinks) and have only been once in the 20 years since I have moved back to Connecticut. Crazy.
40. I love my mother-in-law, but not her taste. ‘Nuff said.
41. The first record I remember getting was a Donny and Marie Osmond album. I was only 5 or 6 at the time.
42. Twice in college I had sex at night in semi-public areas outdoors. Once we were almost caught, but managed not to be seen.
43. Had that happened in a horror movie, I would have been one of the girls killed. I guess the ax murderer had those nights off.
44. Billy Joel’s song Piano Man brings back a wonderful memory of a night at a coffeehouse with friends when I was at a summer camp for creative youth.
45. It’s been over 15 years since I read Stephen King’s It and I still can’t go near storm drains or turn my back to the drain in the tub.
46. I’ve also lost my fondness for clowns.
47. I’ve been sober for 8 years. I’ve been nicotine-free for 5 years as of today.
48. I wish I had a summer home in Alaska. I’ve never felt so at peace as I did there.
49. I get wander-lust, and I attribute it to the gypsy in my blood.
50. I can handle major problems. It’s the little things in life that trip me up.
51. I’m hoping to buy a Honda Civic Hybrid soon if all works out.
52. Squirrels are pests, but they amuse me.
53. I’m finding this difficult. I just don’t have that much to say about myself.
54. In 2nd grade a kindergarten kid ran up behind me and cut my throat with a plastic knife for no reason. Fortunately, the cut was shallow and my mother arrived to take me home at this crucial juncture. Never did find out why he did it.
55. I passionately loathe Melville’s Moby Dick.
56. I can’t stand Tom Cruise.
57. I actually have a couple of memories from when I was 1.
58. I have a good singing voice until I get on stage in front of people.
59. I was almost kidnapped twice: once in Manchester, CT. and once in Dallas.
60. I would rather receive carnations than roses.
61. As a child I was convinced that I would either die by the age of 30, or wind up in an insane asylum in a strait jacket and padded walls. I’m 34 with bipolar disorder, so I guess we know where I’m headed. *G*
62. I once had a black horse named Necromancer.
63. My mother has always been my hero.
64. I want to be like Randy when I grow up.
65. I love Christmas carols, just not when it’s piped into stores 2 months early.
66. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I dress up as a gypsy and tell fortunes.
67. Stairway to Heaven is forever linked in my mind with high school dances.
68. Right after I got my driver’s license, I backed my father’s car up onto a boulder 3 times in a row.
69. I hate tomatoes as much as I hate Moby Dick. Deeply and abidingly.
70. I think living in a tree house would be pretty cool.
71. I used to love downhill skiing. I haven’t gone in over 12 years.
72. I love typing. I love feeling the keys beneath my fingers.
73. If I could travel back in time and simply observe, not take part, I think I would go back to turn of the century 18th/19th. So much happened then.
74. I miss the kids I was taking care of when I was injured.
75. I do not miss the stress of that job, though.
76. Of all the foods I had to give up for my diet, I miss potatoes the most.
77. The last concert I went to was Meatloaf’s Bat Out of Hell: Back Into Hell tour.
78. When I was younger I thought Ruby Tuesday was my theme song.
79. Now I would say it’s Meredith Brooks’ song, Bitch. *G*
80. Sometimes I feel lost, unsure of where to go from here. But I never feel alone.
81. Randy is the only one with whom I feel safe to be myself completely, no judgments. He knows me better than anyone else, and his acceptance of me gives me so much of the strength that people say they admire in me.
82. That being said, I hate when he pops his knee.
83. I once set fire to my car by tossing a cigarette out the window without realizing it had blown back in. Between the rain storm, the fire and the fire dept. the car was totaled. I went back into the bar and the performer sang James Taylor’s Fire and Rain to me.
84. I’ve studied French, German, Russian and Spanish. I speak none of them, though I could speak or read bits and pieces from most.
85. When I was younger, I was often compared to Sissy Spacek or Edie Brickell. I was once mistaken for Sissy at a Burger King. This has not happened in years, until this past Wednesday when someone told me I look like Sissy Spacek…
86. I find myself wondering at this point if I skipped a number or two, would you notice?
87. If I had to choose between looks, talent or intelligence I would choose the latter.
88. My heart still breaks every time I think of our dog Greta and her final days.
89. Randy had a claw-foot tub put in 5 years ago because I told him how much I loved taking baths in them. I have taken a bath precisely 2 times since then. I always shower instead. I don’t know why.
90. I think I like being me now.
91. I once helped write a book. It came out in Germany and Japan, but as yet not here.
92. I enjoy the possibilities of quantum physics when the math is removed.
93. I love other people’s children, but will probably never have any of my own.
94. I‘m most dangerous to myself and others when bored. *G*
95. I would love to take my mother to a Simon & Garfunkel concert.
96. I’m attracted to geeks. I’d rather date a “geek” than a model. If I were single, of course. Because my husband might object otherwise.
97. I love road trips.
98. I love the warm sleepiness of a rainy day.
99. I love losing myself in painting, photographing or writing.
100. I love that I’m finally done!

New Photos

Today when it was time for Sam's walk, I handed the leash over to Randy and I brought my camera along. I thought I would share my neighborhood with you. Our town is tiny; blink and you'll miss it. Whereas our neighboring town Canaan has a higher population and less land, we have tons of land and fewer people. So what you'll see if you choose to look at the photos is only a small part of our town, but is fairly representative on the whole. Someday I'll go into town center a take pictures of the 6 or 7 buildings huddled in a relatively miniscule area that comprise Falls Village proper. The humorous part is that, small as it is, in the 1800's it had 13 prosperous brothels! Rumor has it there are one or two women in the area who still cater to the odd trucker- and out here they can get pretty odd!- but I cannot confirm that. Perhaps it's a rural version of an urban legend? A rural legend?

Hm.

Anyway, I provided brief blurbs with the photos but feel free to ask any questions. I might even answer some!

The walk begins, strangely enough, in my front yard. We cross the road and turn right onto route 7 for about 50'. Then we turn left onto Kellogg Road and follow it to the end, where it intersects with route 126. We turn right onto 126 and follow that back to route 7. We turn right onto 7 and follow it home. This makes a giant loop, or more properly something more like a triangle. At it's heart is a large farm and pasture, with a total of 4 cows. So the property is a bit of overkill really, but it's beautiful all the same. There's a forest and swampy area on the other side of the road along 126 as well. But you'll see, if you take a look.

Assuming, of course, that I link you there properly. I'll give it a try now:

Sam's Walk, or Our Neighborhood (can also be found with my list of photos on left)

Final thoughts- please excuse the quality of some of the pictures. Kodak enlarged some of them and they look a little digitized. This photo of the flowers is one example. This is the size it was meant to be.

All Is Groovy

I have no car, no job and am still haunted by the death of one of my dogs in December. I do believe that equates to 3/4 of a country song.*

That being said, however, I have to tell you that I feel pretty amazing lately. I feel stronger, more confident and capable. I believe in myself a little more and am paying more attention to my wants and needs, not in a material way but rather in emotional and spiritual ways. I'm going for walks and taking care of my health. I'm more social than I've been in a couple of years. I'm not always comfortable, but I'm finally learning to recognize those times and push through or pull back as the situation warrants. I'm finally beginning to feel as though maybe things can be ok again. My life has been such that just writing those optimistic words feels like a jinx, a cosmic invite to screw me somehow, but I am determined to ignore that, and feel good.

I'm so tired of living the alternative.

*I enjoy a lot of country music, so that was not intended as an insult so much as a fond joke

Illustration Friday-Aging

New Book Meme

My fellow IF participant, James Mathias, has tagged me with this book meme. He's both talented and funny. You should check out his blog sometime...

Number of books on shelf?
Assuming that this actually means how many books do I have on my bookshelves, I seem to have 841. After counting all of those, I'm feeling grateful that I recently got rid of a couple of hundred others.

Last book purchased?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. x2 actually since I bought a copy for my sister as well.

Book I'm reading now?
Caesar's Women, by Colleen McCullough. I'm finally returning to it now that I've finished Potter.

Last five books read?
1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, by J.K. Rowling
2. The Queen of Dreams, by Chitra Divakaruni
3. The Cloud Sketcher, by Richard Rayner
4. The Rule of Four, by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason
5. Haunted Ground, by Erin Hart

Passing the torch to?
Anyone who cares to have a go.

Photo Friday-Somber

Taken inside the Cades Cove Primitive Baptist Church, Tennessee.

The Beach Came To Us

Turns out Ash doesn't have the latest Harry Potter yet and wants it, so I picked that up for her along with some girly things like nail polish, etc. So she's all taken care of.

There were some brief, light sprinkles here this afternoon but just north of the valley in which I live they were hit by a sudden deluge. My mother lost power and the brook on her property flooded almost instantly. She was worried about the pump engine for her swimming pool. My mother was sick and barely able to move so she couldn't do anything herself, my brother is out of town and Ash isn't strong enough. Randy and I arrived, kicked off our shoes, rolled up our pants and waded into my mother's back yard to save the pump. Using a cinder block, we propped up the platform on which the pump sits so that it is safely above the water line. The rain had recently stopped and the water was already beginning to recede, so that was all that really needed to be done. I haven't seen the yard flooded like that since I was a teen!

If Mom had a canoe, we could have paddled about half a mile south.