Dale Palmer, Jr.

Here's a sketch of my father, drawn in part from a bad photo and therefore largely from memory. The computer lost some detail, still this is a pretty good likeness and I'm proud of it:

Marking the Day

By rights today should have been very difficult for me. It was a year ago on March 8 that my father gave up on life and ended it with the blast of a gun.

Truth be told, I didn't dwell on it much today.

When I thought about it, I felt sad. I felt overwhelmed a little. Angry too of course. Mostly I think "What a waste" when I think about what he did. But then with a mental shrug I would move on with my day.

Tonight when I logged on there were two emails for me from one of his sisters. One email was asking why I'm not planning on coming to a family party they're throwing this weekend. She has only just heard that my paternity has been called into question by the judge, and she assumed my reluctance had to do with issues surrounding money. Insulting, that. It has far more to do with the way the family has not treated me as family. So I decided to wait before responding to that one, until I can formulate a proper response.

Her other email was all about how she plans to help my father to his eternal rest by having him baptized by proxy, which could only happen a year after his passing. She has it in her head that he needs this and wants this done so he can pass on. Which is interesting because he was not in the least religious. His father, my grandfather, complained all through the masses said for him after he died because he knew as I did that it wasn't what my father would want. It was done for my grandmother, who would pass away herself in June, and for all of my aunts who are religious. I don't really have a problem with my aunt's need to do this now, except that she claims she is doing it for him. This is something she needs, not my father. But if it makes her feel better, so be it. I'll keep my mouth shut. Just a good thing my grandfather is back home in Mexico, so he doesn't have a conniption.

So after reading these two emails and dredging up the past year and all of the awful feelings, yes, I'm pretty sad and out of sorts now.