Joke

I received this joke from my Democrat aunt today. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card bills. At the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious in a big way, although I don't quite understand it. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ. And now he has been going to the gym an awful lot and is into wearing uniforms and cowboy outfits, and I hate to think what that means.

Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy!

Can you help?

Signed,

Lost in DC

DEAR LOST:

Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for four more years!

How Do They Sleep?

Today I ask you please to read this entry from Heart, Soul and Humor. It chronicles the Pentagon's and Republicans' insistence on reducing our veterans' benefits, claiming that the benefits are "hurtful" to national security.

These are the type of people who make me want to smash things. I would clean up after myself too, unlike some...

Just Finished/Started

I've finished In Her Shoes by Jennifer Weiner. It held no great deep meaning for me, but was enjoyable. I read it at the request of a friend, who thought the two sisters reminded her of my step-sister and I. I saw a little of us in both of the sisters, though the younger Maggie really angered me a few times and I had trouble identifying with her. At others, I felt really badly for her. Not unlike her older sister Rose felt in the story, I suppose.

Now I"m reading Scoundrel by Bernard Cornwell. It's the story of Paul Shanahan, who once worked for the IRA until he was accused of being CIA and his loyalty came into question. Nothing could be proved against him, so he was allowed to live. But he was kept on the fringes. Until now.

Cubans have a shipment of Stingers (surface to air missiles) to sell to the IRA. Arabs have agreed to provide the gold needed to purchase them. Now they need Shanahan to sail the gold from the Mediterranean to Miami to make the payment. Shanahan can't help but feel that more than one thing feels wrong about this operation, not the least of which is the timing. For America has just begun Operation Desert Storm and he's worried that this may somehow actually be about Iraq, and not the IRA after all. And if he makes the trans-Atlantic crossing safely, he suspects that they won't allow him to live to enjoy his reward.

Personally, I'm wondering if he isn't really CIA as suspected. So far, this is a pretty good book. But I'm still in the early part of the story. We'll see how it goes.

Brief Hello

Spent the night making a special birthday card for the daughter of a friend. My hands are still tacky from the glue despite multiple washings and my fingers are sticking to the keys a bit, so that's all I have for tonight. Hope you're all enjoying a wonderful weekend!

Not Tonight

Can you imagine what it must be like to feel remorse for your crimes and to request that your death sentence be executed, only to have everyone fight you? After numerous personal and legal battles, your execution is set to take place. What do you think about in those final hours? You know exactly when you're going to die, something most people don't find out until it happens. Are you afraid as the hour draws near? Or have you made peace with yourself? Or do you think you're at peace only to feel the tension grow within you as the moment draws near?

If you are the family member of one of the victims, what's going through your head? At last you'll get some closure? Finally the bastard is getting what he deserves? Two wrongs don't make a right and his death won't bring Susie back? Let's get this over with?

What if, one hour before the inmate is to be executed, when he has said his good-byes and the families and witnesses have all been checked in and the equipment tested, your execution is stalled for at least two more days. If you miss that deadline the inmate's attorney has to file an execution request all over again because the statute of limitations on the first will have run out? All because a judge called into question the ethics of the defense attorney, claiming a conflict of interest exists, and threatened him to proceed cautiously before allowing the execution to go through. So the attorney, not his client on death row, requested the temporary stay of execution while he clears his name.

How angry, frustrated and miserable all of those poor people must feel tonight! To be Michael Ross, ready to die and thinking the time had finally come, only to find out he has to go through the whole thing all over again...! Meanwhile the families of the victims must wait longer after their emotions have been so stirred up.

Every last person involved in this fiasco will be in my prayers tonight.

Question

In the course of cleaning I uncovered an old journal of mine that I had forgotten all about. It was supposed to be a dream journal and came complete with quotes about dreaming, and with dream interpretations offered at the back. However I was using it as a normal journal and in reading through could only find one rather disturbing dream recorded in which I was married to Howard Stern. No clue; I don't remember it at all now.

Anyway, this journal captures the first months of my sobriety. I was insane. The grandiosity of my language actually made me laugh. It made for some interesting (to me) reading, though. A part of me would like to keep this journal and continue to use it, this time to record dreams as it was intended in the first place. I have some great ones, Stern notwithstanding.

Another part of me wants to destroy those old pages and just keep the blanks. Not because I want to eradicate the pomposities of the past, but because that ambivalence towards Randy in my early days of sobriety was covered in horrible detail in this journal. I was still living it then, and I cringe now at the cruel callousness of some of my thoughts. I would hate for Randy to accidentally stumble across these entries and be hurt by them. His mother and little sister have been known to snoop as well, and of course I don't want them to read it! Those words are no longer true for me.

So here's my question: Do I keep the journal in its entirety as a reminder of where I came from and what I don't want to return to, or do I destroy the old entries and just continue on from there? I believe I've made my choice. What would you do?

"It has never been my object to record my dreams, just the determination to realize them."
~Man Ray (from the dream journal)

Dictated Choices

Employer forces employees to quit smoking or their job; overweight employees next.

I quit smoking over 4 years ago, watch what I eat for the most part, exercise as much as I can given certain limitations, and I find Weyers to be offensive. I have a few choice words for him and none of them are nice.

Nashville- Past and Present

A Personal Response

This post tonight is for Charles, in response to his. It is as intensely personal as I have ever been here. I am not asking for anyone's sympathy, for I truly don't need it. I hope this helps others, as sharing it has helped me over time to overcome the worst of the sting for myself.

I wasn't abused as a child, not by my family at any rate. However when I was 8 we moved from Connecticut to Texas. I rapidly became the "Damn Yankee" and was literally tortured every day. The kids would whisper threats during class and then catch me after school to carry them out. Or they would gang up on me in the locker room, in a distant corner from the coach's office. Or wait for me by the railroad tracks I had to cross to get home. My mother tells me I cried myself to sleep every night, but I don't remember it. I just know that more than anything I wanted to leave that hateful place. My mother and my step-father were working and going to school full time, so were never home. To make matters worse, it was during this time that I found out that the man I thought was my father, wasn't. My mother explained that my real father was a drug addict who was locked in a ward when I was born because the drugs were sending him over the edge. He was clean now and had a family of his own and wanted to get to know me. He wrote for a while, but then the letters stopped coming.

So I learned not to trust people, and not to count on people being there for me. I learned that I was mostly alone, but I could make it that way. Two years later we moved back to Connecticut, much to my relief. My parents (I'll always call my step-father "dad" because he raised me) had finished school and were home more. They kept a close eye on me and the people I hung out with, so not too much happened during high school. My story picks up again when I left home and went to college in Vermont.

Five months after this picture was taken, I was raped by a couple of frat brothers who put something in my beer. In this way I lost my virginity. It's an odd thing I realized about myself recently, the way I absorb people's opinions of me and adopt them despite what I know to the contrary. One of their other frat brothers had apparently claimed to have had sex with me. So when I groggily tried to protect my innocence and one called me a liar, a bitch, a slut and a whore, it was the word "liar" that I objected to. The rest I seem to have accepted and absorbed. It was "liar" that outraged me the most. So strange.

This is when I became an active alcoholic. I would have been an alkie anyway; the signs were already there. But after that night I drank to forget as much as I drank to fit in. I have yet to finish college, but I'll get there.

One would think that was enough, but there's more. Well, isn't there always? Over time I finally met my biological father. He owned a bar and I would drink there, feeling safe. One night I got stupendously drunk and punched someone who later admitted he had it coming. Geez, what an image I am giving of me now! Well, I was an ugly drunk, and that's the only time I ever punched someone as an adult. Anyway, I had thrown a punch in the bar so had to leave. It was winter and I didn't have a car (totalled after a night of drinking), nor was my father there that night to give me a ride, so I stumbled around confusedly in the parking lot for a minute trying to decide what to do next. That's when a certain member of my biological father's family pulled up. He had been in the bar and offered me a ride home. I got in. He bought us some beer, claiming he wanted to talk to me and get to know me better. Then he pulled off the road into the woods saying he didn't want the police to see him driving with an open container. You can guess the rest. I tried to fight him off but he was a lot bigger and stronger than me. Later I told my father what had happened. He begged me not to tell anyone, said that he would take care of it. He tried, I'll give him credit for that. But up until recently this family member still sometimes called and tried to get back into my life, claiming that he got help and can't I forgive for the sake of the family? Thank God for my husband, whose love and support saw me through until I was strong enough to face this person down and make them stay away!

Enough of the tragedy already; there's more to life than that. It took me years after that final attack to quit drinking. I was serious about wanting to straighten out my life, because the alternative was rapidly becoming death. The final year of drinking I fell asleep praying that I would die, and woke every morning so angry to still be alive. So I wanted to change my life, but I knew that if I quit drinking, I was going to have to start dealing with being raped, and all of the other feelings that I had stuffed my whole life. So the first thing I did after I got sober on Feb. 23, 1997, was to seek help from a counselor in addition to joining AA. I needed to remove my excuses to drink. But even more than that, though I didn't realize it at the time, I needed to finally open up and feel. I hadn't allowed myself to do that since I was a little girl. If you can feel, you can be hurt. I was and sometimes still am the control freak that Charles described in his posts, and for exactly the same reasons. I couldn't see what I was doing; I thought I was being reasonable. It has taken years of therapy- this is not something you get over quickly. Because I waited so long to get help I wound up with post-traumatic stress disorder. Then came the diagnosis of bipolar, which I shared in common with my father. This was actually a blessing though. Once I started receiving proper treatment, I wasn't so out of control internally. I still feel, still have emotions. They're just not all over the place like they were, making the process of getting better much easier.

The upshot is that I can trust again, Charles. I don't trust everyone; I have a handful of close friends in addition to my family and my husband. Randy has been the biggest treat of my sobriety, and mental health. There was always a part of me that worried that I had married him for security. We're very different people, not much in common. I was afraid that after I sobered up our marriage would die. I still remember the morning I woke up and the realization dawned crystal clear that I really and truly love my husband! The joy and relief were profound. Our marriage is stronger, not weaker. He grounds me. He loves me unconditionally and I never have to worry about where I stand with him. To this day I sometimes can't stand to be touched, not even hugged. When this happens I am usually cold and detached as well. A lot of men would become frustrated or aggravated by this, but not Randy. He understands that it isn't him. He lets me know that he is there when I am ready to talk, but he doesn't force his presence on me when it isn't welcome. Perhaps this is the best approach to take with your friend Charles- quietly letting her know you're there if she needs you, then stepping back to let her come to you. I can't know of course because I don't know her. I only know that when something so intensely you has been attacked or taken, your space and the way you are approached are highly sensitive. At any rate, my love for my husband is so much stronger and greater than it was when we first met 11 years ago, and I try to let him know every day how much he means to me. So there is another reason to hold on to hope; sometimes the heart does open up again and let others in. It is such an intensely beautiful experience when it happens!

As for control issues, it has only been in the last year or so, when everything around me that could go wrong did, when it was hammered home with brute force that there is not one thing in this world that I truly have control over, that I was finally able to start learning how to stop trying. I'm still learning. I'm still learning how to let myself feel and how to express those emotions properly and adequately. I'm learning a little at a time. I'm learning about what I like and don't like, and how to express when I don't like something. I'm learning things at last that seem like they should be so basic. You see, I tuned out a long time ago and am at long last tuning back in. It's scary, facing the demons and trying to figure out how to believe in yourself. I suppose I could have done it alone but am grateful that I didn't have to. There were always friends ready to lend a hand, I just needed to find the willingness to ask for help. I think at last I am finding it. I hope so. I have worked so hard and have so much more work to do. But I have hope because I have seen how things can go right in this life just as easily as they can go wrong. I have learned that everything that has gone wrong in my life ultimately has a purpose, and I will be grateful for the knowledge imparted, if not for the pain that came with it.

I have learned that there is so much more to learn and though afraid, I am eager, too.

Keeping Busy

I finally started to tackle my livingroom. I don't want to do this sort of thing while Randy is home. First of all he would feel a responsibility to help which, while nice in theory, would mean added frustration. I work best alone. Secondly, it is much more fun to surprise him with the end results. This is all basic stuff: getting rid of tons of clutter, dust, and rearranging things like artwork, or moving things from one room to another. I can't afford paint or furniture right now, nonetheless I am making the rooms look completely different by changing some things out and throwing away junk. Not bad. Hard work, but worth it.

I have also been writing again, free verse this time. Here's a sample, keeping in mind that it's pretty rough:

Release

The earth, the sky. So vast.
My spirit’s small in comparison yet
I know that it could leave me here,
become a part of the larger whole and drift away.
It makes my chest hurt.
It makes my skin cleave to my bones,
shrinking from the Outside, from the Other.
Ultimately though I learn that I can be part
of something greater than myself and
nevertheless be Me. At times it’s essential to
simply let go.

Carson Gone

Johnny Carson has died at the age of 79. He was an amazing man and the world is a little sadder for his loss.

On The Lighter Side

I just came across a wonderful story. I'm sure Lazygal will have heard of it.

It's a book and a real life treasure hunt all in one. The story sounds new and interesting, and of course the hunt for gold tokens to be turned in for actual diamonds, sapphires, etc. is intriguing too! I would love to see what they look like, and hope images are published as they are found. Each has been crafted to resemble one of the twelve woodland characters from the book, and they sound exquisite. I'm not really interested in jewels, but these sound more like art.

Lovely.

Disgusted

Political rant ensues which, though heavily anti-Republican, also takes jabs at the Dems too:

For the past two years Donald Rumsfeld has been creating his own secret army of spies, separate from the CIA and with more leeway to act. He has circumnavigated the rules of accountability to Congress by deciding that his position has more latitude than his predecessors had believed. The Pentagon has said that the War on Terror will never end and therefore Rumsfeld's special war time powers will remain in effect indefinitely. The Pentagon backs him whole-heartedly, of course, but surprisingly some Republicans in Congress do not. There has been, and apparently will be, no discussion of this issue. It's a done deal and has been for some time.

I find this disturbing. Not surprising, but disturbing. What is really upsetting is that I don't believe most people who learn of this here will care. If anything they will think they are a little safer sleeping tonight, unable to see how this exacerbates the situation at home and abroad, rather than making us more secure. First of all, this must increase tension with the CIA; their toes are being stepped on in a big way. Second of all, knowledge of this will make even our allies suspicious of us, given the fact that many of the countries on the watch list are currently listed among those we consider friendly nations.

Americans need to wake up and realize that we do not live in a vacuum. What we do affects others just as their actions hold repercusssions for us. Furthermore, we need friends and allies just as everyone else does. This SuperPower macho bullshit, complete with the ape-like beating of chests, unilateral, we'll-do-it-alone-'cuz-you're-all-weak-pansies crap has to end. Donald Rumsfeld is a greedy, power-mad, vicious, ambitious jackass with a rotten olive pit where his heart should be. Cheney is just evil. Bush is charming, cunning and dumb; a dangerous combination, especially with Karl Rove lurking in the shadows. And Democrats, for all of their intelligence, still can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to do anything about it.

Which is pretty lame really when you consider all the ammunition the past four years gave them.

Immersed in the Arts Once More

"One cannot have wisdom without living life." ~Dorothy McCall

I have been feeling more creative recently. My artistic side has been hibernating since mid-December and I haven't taken many photos, written anything original outside of this blog, or sketched anything. However for the past couple of days I have felt words fluttering to the surface which I will be introducing to a page, where perhaps the ancient coupling can blend into something beautiful and whole. More surprising is that I have dusted off my paint box and examined my supplies. I believe I'll start painting again, something I haven't done in several years. There are images and ideas I want to express through this medium once more.

In the meantime I came across these old colored pencil sketches I did a few years ago. Some of you may remember them from my old blog, but most of you will not. My old friend CoCo sent me a link to Illustration Friday, and I am weighing whether or not I want to participate. It sounds like fun, but I don't want to feel pressured to produce something, thus sucking the joy out of it. Still, it's tempting.

colored pencil sketches

Then No One Shall...

In Connecticut a man killed 5 puppies as a sick act of revenge. A sixth one- named "Amazing Grace" by her rescuers- is clinging to life. Twenty-year-old Brannon Chandler stabbed and slit the throats of the puppies when their owner denied him one of his own. If I am reading our statutes correctly, he is facing 5 years and/or $5,000 fine. Not nearly enough, imo, but still more than some states would do. One day I will have to have a proper rant on the issue of animal cruelty and the lack of serious consequences people usually face.

My feelings toward Chandler are ugly. Men, uncross your legs; no male parts will be hurt today. Someone who would slash the throats of defenseless puppies obviously has no balls to remove.

SpongeBob is Evil

Just ask conservative christian Dr. James C. Dobson, who has allegedly uncovered Mr. Squarepants' insidious plot to take part in a video which encourages respect for different lifestyles- including sexual identity- reports the New York Times.

Yes, SpongeBob wants your kids to know it's ok to be gay, according to Dobson.

Nile Rodgers, creator of said video, denies these allegations. I believe his lawyer said it best when he said that the video's detractors "need medication."

What will they make of Darth Tater, I wonder...?

The Ups and Downs of Money and Medicine

I started out feeling outraged. Just completely outraged. A federal commission is recommending that Medicare funding be reduced to hospitals, and frozen in nursing homes and home care agencies next year, reported the New York Times. My family sees first hand on a daily basis how critical these services are, and how under-funded. My mother is a nurse in a nursing home, my dad is a psychiatric nurse working with the Visiting Nurses' Association (home care agency) and my last job was with the disabled. Medicare and Medicaid are penny-pinching already. For example, one of my boys had scoliosis and a form of gigantism so that he was very tall with bird-like bones. He had to wear what is called a body jacket to offer his spine and torso enough support to walk upright. These body jackets are made of specially molded hard plastic, cushioned on the inside so as not to chafe. They wrap around the torso and are secured with velcro straps on the side. Because they have to be fitted specially, they are not cheap. But it is critical that they fit correctly for the safety, comfort and well-being of the wearer. This client of mine was only in his teens and still growing. He was almost skeletally thin, stretched in length the way he was. He soon outgrew the body jacket he had, and needed a new one. The old no longer fit around him. Know what we were told? Put him on a diet and make it fit, because they weren't going to buy him a new one for another two years! In the end, it took one year but we got it.

These things are happening everywhere around us. Our elderly are having to wait or do without altogether because the funds are low and rationed out. Same thing for those who are physically or mentally disabled. Many of my father's patients have psychiatric disorders, and the red tape they have to go through now is insane. How much worse will it be if funding is cut further?

Are the evangelicals- backers of this administration- trying to prove Darwin's theory: Survival of the fittest? Are we culling the herds? Because between the plans for Social Security and now Medicare, it kind of seems that way.

Or is it (as I rather suspect) the soulless undead greedy money-grubbers? They know who they are.

I started this post by saying that I was outraged, past tense. I'm still angry, however I managed to find a little good in the world to balance the emotional budget, so to speak. Some of you may have read about the mother holding an auction on ebay to raise money for a costly biopsy that her 9-year-old son needed. Her son is getting his biopsy. Free! Just when all hope is gone, it isn't.

Letter From Sen. Harry Reid

Here's an update to my post Courage Of Her Convictions.

Senator Harry Reid sent me (and of course everyone else involved) an email thanking me for my support when he stood up for election reform. In this letter he mentions plans to keep the ball rolling on this issue, so I thought I would share it with you:

Re: Thank you

Thanks to your support, Senator Boxer and I we were able to use these facts to force the senate into a public debate on voting rights. But that was only the beginning. Now the Senate must act to correct the errors and injustice of the voting system still visible in the 2004 election. It is a fight that I promise you I will champion as Democratic leader.

Although I was able to help enact landmark reforms in ballot box protection for my home state of Nevada this year, suppression efforts were still made. Calls, which we were unable to trace, told voters that Election Day was November 3rd, not November 2nd. And our registration process was also tainted by the proven destruction of Democratic voter registration forms.

Harry Reid

Peace Like A River

I have turned the last page of Leif Enger's Peace Like A River and set it down with a sigh.

This was the classic story of Good vs. Evil, with two characters embodying God (and faith), another signifying Satan (and all that is ugly and frightening). As is always the case, there were several people caught somewhere in between.

The story's voice was that of 11-year-old Reuben Land, asthmatic and alive due to a miracle performed by his father Jeremiah shortly after his birth. Reuben was therefore more sensitive to the miracles wrought by his father, things that were overlooked by everyone else around him. They lived quietly with Reuben's older brother Davy and younger sister, Swede (who's a lot like Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird), in a small town in North Dakota in the early 1960's. There's tension between Jeremiah and his 17-year-old son Davy. Jeremiah lives his life very much by his deep and abiding faith in God. Davy, on the other hand, doesn't like the idea of his fate being in anyone's hands but his own. Unfortunately, a series of events leads Davy to take the law into his own hands, with tragic results. He turns himself in, but when things don't go his way in court he breaks out of jail and heads west. His family, loving him and desperate to help him to do the right thing, follow him. That's perhaps when the real story starts.

One other thing. This book has the creepiest villain I have read in a long time. He was chilling, perhaps because you know he could exist.

Excellent book!

Gays in (their) Military

Could gays be our new secret military weapon? That was one of the ideas dreamed up by a team of army scientists who are working on non-lethal weapons alternatives. So don't shoot the enemy, drug him into homosexual activity. Or give him bad breath. Or both.

I don't even know where to begin, other than to say that I wouldn't mind having a job where all I had to do was dream up dumbass ideas like these.

Hm

In the New York Times is an article on three potential new shows based on the war in Iraq. The first, by NYPD's Steven Bochco, would be an allegedly apolitical, gut-wrenching drama following a set of soldiers trying to survive. This would air on FX and be called Over There.

The second is a sitcom, Spirit of America, the idea being the westernization of an Iraqi news station. This will air on Fox.

The third, and the one I actually would want to watch, is a 10 part documentary being filmed now among the "Sunni Triangle" and is about the daily life of the troops. Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney are involved in this one, which may be aired on HBO.

I don't know about all of this. In many ways it seems to me that emotions are still running too high over this war to turn it into TV shows just yet. The article mentions M*A*S*H*, how it was set during the Korean War but everyone knew it was about Vietnam. I think the producers knew what they were doing when they decided to change the time frame. I just don't know if I'm ready to see Iraq turned into a sitcom. A documentary, yes. However the descriptions of the drama and the comedy leave me a little cold.

What do you think?

Remembrance and a Dream

Sometimes I doze off on the couch in the afternoon. When Greta was alive she would tolerate this for a little while but you see, if I was asleep I wasn't paying attention to her. One moment I would be peaceful and drowsy, the next a cold wet nose was thrust into my face, which was then unceremoniously slurped if I didn't react swiftly enough! She would prance eagerly in place shifting weight from side to side, paw to paw until I sat up and played with her.

Last night, two weeks after her death, I was awoken out of a sound sleep by the thrust of Greta's nose in my face. I startled awake and for a split second could see her sweet face, her doggie grin flashing out at me in the dark before she disappeared. I fell asleep again immediately- if indeed I was ever really awake- and dreamt that I was standing in front of the 'fridge, door open and offering her a treat. I bent down to smooth her whiskers and then I gave her a hug. It was while my arms were wrapped around her that I remembered that she was gone, and just like that my arms were empty, and I awoke for real. Though it hurt, at the same time for just a few minutes I was able to give my girl a hug and feel her furry face in my hands again. I'm grateful for the dream.

I put together a small photo album today, just for her. It's all black and the center has a small square cut-out in which to put a photo. I chose the one below, her paw mark in the snow.

Cripes

I thought I was done for the night. After all, I have to be up in 5 hours. But I came across this New York Times article in which Laura Bush defends the inaugural splurge and I think she missed the boat. Most people aren't offended that the inauguration will take place (though many of us aren't pleased about who is being sworn in), we're offended by the extravagence of this one in particular. $40m is the most ever spent, and at a time when people are still reeling from the tsunami disaster and the soldiers in Iraq aren't properly equipped. The Bushes will be feted at 9 inaugural balls. Laura also mentions how great it will be for the Washington economy. I'm thinking the mayor of D.C. is probably less than grateful, given that for the first time the federal government is refusing to contribute to the costs of the inauguration, leaving D.C. to shoulder the burden alone. D.C. mayor Anthony A. Williams was told to appropriate money from his homeland security fund to cover the costs. Nice.

I liked Laura Bush for the first three years, but I'm finally beginning to see why they make such a great couple.

I don't take issue with an inauguration, or even a celebration or two following. But this is excessive and unseemly. Heck, if you read that article I just posted you'll see that even some Republicans agree with me on this one!

Powell and Politics

If I were ever to vote for Republicans, it would be for Powell and Armitage. Though I don't agree with them on everything, I would love to have them instead of the sorry fiasco we have now. This administration is so much poorer for their loss!

At least Army SPC Charles Graner Jr. was found guilty of his part in the Abu Ghraib travesty. Speaking of which, 28 prisoners have broken out of said prison and are still at large. It may have been an inside job. Back to the abuse scandal however, I'm sure Lynndie and the others will be convicted as well, and I'm pleased. However I would like to see the higher-ups who are equally responsible be called on the carpet also. They are equally culpable and should not be allowed to use these soldiers as scapegoats.

Keeping Things Light

for those like Jenni who aren't quite ready yet to dive into the negativity of the news. :0)

So, look at these absolutely adorable cheetah cubs, the first to ever be born at our National Zoo. This article contains a link to a webcam so you can watch them play if you like. The cheetah is my favorite of the large cats.

Also, Fast Freddie- river otter and lover extraordinaire- has just become a father to five babies by two females. It's rumored that he's keeping a third lady happy, too...

Finally this evening I draw your attention to a bear. A teddy bear to be precise, and one that is stirring up quite a controversy! It seems that The Vermont Teddy Bear Co. has created a "Crazy for You" bear meant for Valentine's Day, and this has Mental Health advocates up in arms. The bear wears a straitjacket and comes with commitment papers. This is seen as stigmatizing the mentally ill and the advocates want it stopped. The Vermont Teddy Bear Co. has said it will discontinue them after the holiday, which is not soon enough for some. Personally, and speaking as one who is classified as mentally ill, I don't have a problem with the bear and would be inclined to buy one for myself were it not for the $70 price tag. Now that's crazy!

Oh, what the heck. As long as I'm being silly I'll point out to you that two men were arrested in front of a courthouse for telling lawyer jokes.

Make of that what you will!

Content

I had a wonderful birthday; thanks again for your messages. :0) I spent the day relaxing, visiting with friends and then had dinner at my mother's house with all of the family who lives locally. It was lovely. I was given a beautiful frame for one of my photos, a Far-Side magnet and a cinnamon-scented candle from my sister and my brother, a pound of coffee beans to go with the grinder I was given at Christmas, and three books by authors whom I haven't read but which sound interesting. I do like the mystery/suspense/thriller genres, so I am sure I'll like:

Scoundrel, by Bernard Cornwell A man with a dubious past is hired to smuggle gold for the IRA across the ocean. He suspects that they plan to kill him at the end of the trip but if he can survive, he'll have enough money to start over.

Cold Fire, by Dean Koontz A man begins receiving directions from an unknown source to save lives. He attracts the attention of a young reporter who becomes entangled in his story as they struggle to figure out the source of his directives. Amazon hints at extra-terrestrial activity.

The Sinner, by Tess Gerritsen Two nuns are found badly beaten, one dead and the other almost so, in their convent. The medical examiner discovers that the dead nun had given birth immediately before her death. Then a third body turns up, mutilated beyond recognition. Investigators discover the secret that ties the deaths together and the case becomes personal for one of them.

All three of the plots sound intriguing. I'll start with Scoundrel when I've finished Peace Like A River by Leif Enger. Dad (my step-father) would like to read Scoundrel when I am done with it, so it's next.

This was the best birthday I have had in a long time! :0)

Of Note

While reading the news online tonight I came across an article on the first movie to come out of Iraq since 1979, Turtles Can Fly. This story takes place in an Iraqi refugee camp and many of the scenes were taken from life. Especially moving are the mutilated children who earn weapons by clearing landmines. Despite the grim subject matter there is supposedly a lot of humor in this film as well. I really want to see it if it ever comes this way!

Speaking of children with deformities, here's some hopeful news. Look at the before and after photos of the girl. Wonderful! Imagine how these children's lives may be vastly improved! I hope this turns out to be a viable option in the long run.

Here's a brief update: one Mississippi county reverses the ban on Stewart's book.

And finally, today is my birthday. It was almost exactly 34 years ago that I was born- 2:39 a.m. to be precise. And there was much rejoicing. There was! After over 12 hours of labor my mother was grateful that the ordeal was over, and the doctor who delivered me was glad that he didn't have to listen to my mother swear at him anymore. My father not being present, the good doctor was the only male available to abuse. As she was a nursing student at the hospital and had to deal with him on a regular basis, it is perhaps a good thing that he had a sense of humor. And so here I am, still caterwauling to all those who choose to listen or, in this case, read. *G*

Ice and More Ice

I'm going to take a moment here to celebrate the good and the beautiful in the world.

This morning I had a long drive to fulfill a commitment. We have had a lot of snow lately and the temperatures have been cold enough to preserve it. Trees, bushes and tall grasses are encased in pure crystalline ice. The diamond drops of the icicles on the trees are spectacular. It was a little frightening to have them fall on the car as I drove beneath overhanging branches and telephone wires. Scariest of all was when an entire branch snapped under the burden of the icy weight and came down alongside the road as I was passing by. Still I could not help but feel happy to be there to witness it. Most wonderful of all was when I saw a bald eagle rise up from the forest floor to my right and heave its body up into a nearby tree. What an astonishing gift!

Contributing to my good mood, I recently heard from an old friend and co-worker of mine. She worked with me at the residential school for the developmentally disabled. Some of our clients there trained to take part in the Special Olympics. I myself was a coach a couple of times. It's a lot of fun! But of course it all costs money, which is always in short supply. Every year for the past several years the Massachusetts branch of the Special Olympics hosts what is called the Passion Plunge. Groups form teams and raise money through sponsorship. What do the teams do in return for the donation? They congregate on a beach in Massachusetts in February when the water is arctic, and when given the signal, they race down the beach, into the ocean and submerge themselves in the frigid waters! This will be my friend Karen's third time doing this. The teams have a lot of fun. Each team chooses a theme and dresses up in costumes before they strip to their bathing suits for The Plunge. The team from our school did Gilligan's Island a couple of years ago, and The Little Mermaid last year. I don't know what their theme is this year. They have a great time though, and of course there are towels and hot drinks and food waiting for them when they get out of the water- which doesn't take long, I can tell you! *G*

Now, I know you have just survived the holidays and have donated generously to the tsunami victims, but if you feel so inclined I thought I would provide a link to my friend Karen's assigned secure Passion Plunge page. The donated money does not go to Karen; it goes to the Special Olympics. Karen will be credited as having earned your donation, but will never see the money. There's also a form you can download and fill out if you would like to donate but prefer not to do so online. That's what I have decided to do. And of course, feel absolutely free to ignore this. I don't expect anyone to actually do this, but felt like plugging it anyway. What's the point in having a website if you can't occasionally promote your friend's efforts? *G*

A Plethora of Topics

Jon Stewart's latest book has been banned from libraries in two Mississippi counties. Now I know at least one reader of this blog will have something to say about this.

Here's three more stories that make my head feel in imminent danger of exploding:
Newt Gingrich for president in 2008?, Gonzalez likely to become next Attorney General, and pregnant, battered and denied divorce. In this last story, it sounds as though her bad taste in men lives on.

On the sunny side of the street however, you will find that there's peace in the Sudan, ConocoPhillips does the right thing for the Arctic environment and if Owen and Mzee can be friends, why can't we all? *G*

Well, I have given you quite enough to stew and chew over.

Good night!

For Lack of Anything Better to Say

Have you ever sat alone with yourself and been comfortable? I don't mean sitting by yourself, but rather with yourself, and only yourself. There is no tv, no reading, no listening to music or logging on to your computer. There is no outside noise or distraction. There is silence, there is stillness and there is you. Can you do that, and not feel uncomfortable?

I do this from time to time, though I wasn't always able. I was too uncomfortable with who I was to want to sit with me and think my thoughts. Memories can be dark and lonely things to visit, and shame leaves an imprint long after it has been washed away from the surface. Some things run deep and take longer to heal. The voices of doubt and self-recrimination drift in through the crack in the doorway of silence. These moments are not for the squeamish.

However over time I learned to confront these memories and face them down, aided as I was by the loving support of family, friends, AA and a very patient therapist who let me talk about the things I felt like talking about rather than pushing me to discuss what she felt was important.

The sting of the past has lost most of its power to hurt, though if I am honest there is still lingering pain and may always be. The difference is that I am better able to cope with it when it comes. I do not blame others for my mistakes; I have to take responsibility for those. There were things done to me over which I had no control and which contributed to who I am, not necessarily for the good. I am stronger though and have been able to help others in turn to feel less alone and find ways to come to grips with their own tragedies. So there is at least some purpose, some lessons learned which are invaluable, if hard-won.

Now I am able to sit quietly- with no distractions- and be with myself. I let the thoughts come to me as they may and acknowledge them before letting them go to make room for the next. I come to understand more about myself and what I am feeling by doing this simplest of things. I realize where my frustrations and confusions lie, which allows me to start looking for solutions. Most of all this time allows me to come to understand more about who I am and what matters to me. This time helps to define me to me.

I learn what it means to be myself, and that it's okay to do so.

Courage of Her Convictions

Yesterday Representative Stephanie Tubbs Jones (D-OH) was joined by Senators Barbara Boxer (D-CA) and Harry Reid (D-Nevada and House Minority Leader) in objecting to the certification of the vote of the Ohio Electoral College. This was an unpopular stance and I commend them.

Truly the concept of ensuring that every vote counts, and counts equally, should be of concern to all parties. This was not, as it has been painted, an attempt to overturn Bush's election- they did not believe it would. They simply want the obvious problems with the voting system addressed so that we don't continue to have problems in future elections, problems which help to perpetuate divisiveness I might add. Every vote matters. How sad that the voices which cry out for fair and lawful voting practices are the ones who are ridiculed and silenced. Here's a transcript:

Senator Boxer's Statement On Her Objection To The Certification Of Ohio's Electoral Votes
January 6, 2005

For most of us in the Senate and House, we have spent our lives fighting for things we believe in - always fighting to make our nation better.

Every citizen of this country who is registered to vote should be guaranteed that their vote matters, that their vote is counted, and that in the voting booth of their community, their vote has as much weight as the vote of any Senator, any Congressperson, any President, any cabinet member, or any CEO of any Fortune 500 Corporation.

I am sure that every one of my colleagues - Democrat, Republican, and Independent - agrees with that statement. That in the voting booth, every one is equal.

I am proud to stand with her in filing this objection.

If you would like to thank Sen. Boxer and Sen. Reid, you may do so here.

My thanks to MOVEON PAC for providing the transcript, etc.

Wanted- Common Sense

Warning: Don't Brush Teeth With Toilet Brush

This puts me in mind of a story from a few years ago. Sadly, it's true. A female lawyer decided to use spermacidal jelly and yet became pregnant. She insisted she applied it daily for over a month before she became pregnant, and so she sued. Upon investigation it was revealed that she was applying the jelly every day... to her morning toast! She was eating the "jelly" because that is what one does with something of that name. My stomach turns at the thought even now. And so "jelly" became "gel" on the labels in the hopes that this would prevent further idiocy, thus proving that some people are eternal optimists.

Sick Over Social Security?

I think I have a mild case of the flu. When I am sick I become grumpy, usually beginning a couple of days before any other symptoms manifest themselves. So if I have offended or been abrupt with any of you here or on your blogs, please accept my sincere apologies. I'm running a fever now, if that's any consolation.

Adding to my general sense of malaise is this article. I will skip over the foul names I am thinking and content myself with saying that 48% of the vote does not equate to the death of the Democratic Party. This is wishful and possibly deluded thinking. An excellent and eloquent rebuttal to this can be found here. A more humorous post on this subject by Deborah can be found a couple of days later, here.

Making me feel slightly better is this brief article. I love it when they turn on each other. Free registration required. In essence, Republicans want chair of ethics committee to step down because DeLay doesn't like him.

Again, sorry for my surliness. I'm off to get some sleep. I hope.

This and That

Amber Frey is a stupid avaricious cow and I am tired of hearing her name and seeing her whine about how scared she was on TV. She is no hero. In case people have forgotten, she was having sex with the killer/husband (Scott Peterson) of the murdered woman and her unborn child, and now she is cashing in on their intimacy. I could just smack her. Unfortunately, the media is going to give the creature her 15 minutes of fame. I will continue to swear at the TV while she gets it.

On a brighter note, Spam King is being shut down, at least for now. I might not have to hire that hit man after all.

Best of all tonight, I watched another new show on NBC- Committed. This show is great! Funny, clever, quirky, and not overly PC. I especially like Tom Poston in his supporting role as The Dying Clown who gets to live in Marni's (leading lady) walk-in closet until his death as one of the conditions of her lease. As he appears healthy enough, this is pretty humorous. If it lives up to its promise, this will be one show I never miss.

New Show

I watched the pilot episode of Medium, starring Patricia Arquette, tonight. It's based on the true story of a woman who has the ability to talk with the dead. She gave up law school and started helping with investigations. The show is trying to balance her reality as a wife and mother with her psychic abilities. I like it, which means it will probably be cancelled.

Court Update

In my earlier post I said that I felt that the Supreme Court needed revision, however I wasn't sure how to go about it. Fate dropped me an email with this response to my question. I like this proposal and though I believe it to be a bit of a long shot, I would like to see this pass. It makes sense.

Let the Clean Sweep Begin

I started work on my house this afternoon and though my wrist is aching, I like the progress I have made so far. I have most of my kitchen done. I set up my new coffee pot, purchased when a friend gave me chocolate hazelnut coffee beans and a grinder to grind them with. She didn't know that my old pot had died, so off I went to quietly purchase a new one. I thoroughly enjoyed my first cup of the aromatic and flavorful coffee. Or I would have if I hadn't made it too strong. I'll know better next time! But the aroma was delicious, anyway.

I found a pasta platter and bowls that I had been given a few years ago for Christmas, cleaned them up and set them out on the dining room table for decoration. I filled the platter with fruits, nuts and chocolates. The table looks pretty with its other decorations on it, inluding a copper pitcher with wooden utensils in it and a wooden cutting board in the shape of a cow- another wedding present. I also have tiny, dainty hand-painted salt and pepper shakers set out, tapered candles in frosted glass holders, etc. These were not things I was planning on getting rid of, as mentioned in an earlier post. I have yet to tackle that room. I believe the living room will see the biggest purge, and will take a couple of days.

For now though I am finishing up in the kitchen, creating a space that feels more inviting and home-y.

Thoughts on Congressional Issues

When the 109th Congress convenes tomorrow it is going to have a lot of issues to contend with. This article points to social security reform and Supreme Court judicial nominations being the most importent and contentious. I don't doubt it. The court nominations are troubling to me because we will be stuck with whomever is ultimately chosen, with no recourse. On one hand this is good-it keeps judges from reaching decisions based on job security. Their independence is meant to allow them the ability to make rulings without personal reprisals or rewards. Changes to this system would be a worry, as Chief Justice William Rehnquist points out. However we don't live in an ideal world and it happens all too often that power is abused to force a political agenda. I am worried about the judicial deck getting stacked, so to speak, though I don't know what I would suggest as an amendment or alternative to the present system. At any rate I hope the Democrats fight hard and win this one. I'm not saying that a liberal judge needs to be nominated, however a moderate is imperative.

I hate all of Bush's agenda, honestly. His Social Security reform design saves the government from culpability if the money is not there when we retire. It is a sort of 401k plan, and you can lose it all if you don't invest wisely. NOT my idea of a safety net for retirement. The government would not be responsible if your deals went south, leaving you nothing. Looks like you'll be working at McDonald's until you drop, Gramps. Just try not to pitch into the Fry-o-later, ok?

Go AARP.

Then there's the whole oil drilling in the Alaskan Arctic National Wildlife Refuge proposal. I swear the environment doesn't stand a chance anymore. In addition to the problem of global warming and this administration's refusal to get on board with the Kyoto agreement, the logging of national forests, etc. wolves are being shot in Alaska and Congress just ended the protection of wild horses. Just for good measure let me throw in that funding is drying up to save snow leopards. This last though has nothing to do with our government, however. I just wanted to make you aware.

As for the civil liabilities, well, awards could be cut back. They have gotten out of hand. They still need to be substantial, but fair.

I don't feel strongly about the immigration issue either way, but as I know it is riling staunch conservatives I guess I'm rooting for Bush on that one. *G*

Yes, I do believe this session is going to be an interesting one.

Two Faces of the United States

US Said To Mull Lifetime Terror-Suspect Detentions
I would say that this is unbelievable but sadly, it is not. The US is looking at ways we can make detainees comfortable because we don't have any evidence with which to try them, but we don't intend to let them go either. We will just imprison them for the rest of their lives because we can. Justice and the law cease to have meaning when a situation like this is allowed to go on. This administration seems to have decided to drop even the pretense of proper legal procedure and refuses to acknowledge the blatant human rights violations they are guilty of. They have decided that they are above the law; they can write their own.

I believe in karma, and their payback is going to be a bitch. Perhaps it will be offset a little by the new program to help Iraqi children injured by the war, as is the case with Ma-Jid Fadhill and his new legs.

UPDATE:
When I posted the detainment story late last night, the bit about Senators objecting to said detainment had not yet been included in the article. I am glad that there are still voices of reason, though I suspected that there must be. Good for them!

A New Year Begins

More than anything right now of course I want my little girl back. I'm coming to terms with her loss. I kept my commitment to go to the New Year's Eve alkathon and that was a wise decision. I met a man there who had had a drink today and was feeling miserable over it. He was warmly welcomed back and the other men offered support. More than half the people there were still pretty new to the program. They spoke of their struggles: with the law, with loved ones and with their own addictions. It was so moving. You knew just by looking at them that a couple of them were going to be sleeping in shelters tonight. It is sad the places that addiction can take us, and amazing the strength we find that we never knew we had when we think all hope is lost. For if we are trying, then no matter how despairing we may feel on the surface we still have a kernel of hope left underneath. You don't try if you don't hope in the recesses of your heart for a better outcome.

So I spoke with people who are in pain and who are struggling to overcome their own strife, and for a little time my pain was less and I felt calm. I am grateful for that.

I'm wishing for all of you that you find some serenity and joy this year, that your own sorrows be light and quickly passing and that love in its many varied forms finds you to warm your life. Be well!